I'm wondering if other BS's who have never seen the OP, or even have any idea what they look like, think about too much? I know I do, and I know it should not matter, mut the question remains, and eats at me. I'm wondering how others have dealt with this? Thanks.

I pressed my H for an image, and he showed me a picture on his computer. She's not beautiful or anything, just 20 years younger than me. (ouch.)

But yes, until I had the picture, I was obsessed.

I think it cuts both ways don't you?

I have never seen OP...and yeah..it was hard for me because every person who fit that ethnic description triggered me and I always thought..was she like THIS one..or THAT one..or..

The incomplete puzzle again.

HOWEVER!!

Not to be dismissed is having a graphic in living color facial expressions and body types and all element to your mental movies.

Nope..I think I got the better deal.

Saw a photo she has tucked away in her briefcase and actually saw them together once. I can honestly say that it really didn't matter to me but it was interesting none the less.

EA's don't have anything to do with looks especially when it's an internet/phone/long distance thing until they meet of course, then physical attraction and compatability come into play....

Come to think of it, when WW and OM met was when things started to cool off considerably. That was back in January after that the A was (is) pretty quiet but still there.

I didn't want to see the OW. WH said how she was so cute and irresistible. I was afraid that I would feel inferior in her presence. I ran into her accidentally a couple of weeks ago. What a surprise....cute and irresistible were just pretty words for a cheap and dirty looking slu+.

After I got over the initial surprise and shock, I was actually glad that I had seen her. I no longer obsess about what she looks like. The truth is always easier to deal with than the unknown.

Never saw the OM, but I did have a chance and chose not to. I knew if I did then the nightmares would be even worse. Without seeing him the images in my dreams were only blurs and that made it easier for me to move on.

I have never met my WH OW. I have listened to her voice and I did find one picture.
I don't know if that was a positive thing for me or not. She is only a couple of years younger but she is the exact opposite of me.
I am tall and have long blonde hair and she is short with short dark hair.
It did make me feel better to know I wasn't replace with a super model.
Just my story.

Blindsided

Thanks for the quick responses! Maybe if I really had the chance to see him, I would pass on it, but I dont think so. FWW claims to not have a photo anymore, and I believe her at this point. OM lives in another state, so we're never going to "bump into him" (I hope!)

I was not obsessed. It would have been harder if I had seen her and thought she was attractive. i just developed a picture in my mind that was not attractive- and that is who "she" is......Problem solved. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I never did see the OW but I did hear how pretty she was and how big her chest was etc. I wanted to see her and almost drove to where she worked to get a look at her. But I heard from a few other people that know here that she is actually very much over weight and while she isn't pretty she isn't ugly and you wouldn't look twice at her. So one day when I was angry over what happened I said to him so I hear E*** is fat and ugly and he just looked at me and from the look I knew that is was true and he said what was I suppose to tell you that I was running around with a fat pig........I must admit there are time when I still get the urge to drive to where she works just to get a look at her and to see the look on her face when she sees me but I don't for fear that it will bring up all those bad feelings again..........

I was obsessed. As Noodle said, I always wondered when I saw the ethnicity she is whether that person looked like her. I did so many searches on the internet and finally after about 5 months, I found her. She was nothing I imagined. She is very unattractive and is also opposite of me. She actually looks like a man.

I am glad to have seen her picture b/c now I don't have to imagine anymore and I KNOW I am way better looking than her. The only downside is all the pictures of her on her website are of her at different nightclubs holding a drink in each pic. I can only imagine how many men she's had. What a moral-less wh*re (not that I expected more)!!!

I met Rat Meat and his W (at the time) briefly at a party over 15 years or so ago, before the first A. I don't remember him at all. I remember his W striking me as kinda cute, though.

My W never had a pic2re around the house. I think there was one in her office at grad school, where they first "hooked up".

At various times, I've been curious. Like most BSs here.

I heard my W's friend, who also knows RM, comment once that "you'd never have an A with someone so unattractive." But she didn't know that my W had been having an A for YEARs with RM.

I think I did finally see a pic2re of RM, in a group of people from the rear at a field trip my W was on 2.5 years ago. We were at a party where someone who'd taken pic2res on the trip was running a continuous slide show on their computer of the trip at the party. I knew what his workplace looked like, and his role while they were on the trip, so I'm pretty sure it was him.

Didn't see his face in any of the 3 or 4 pix he was in, just his shape from behind.

Know what he reminded me of? The description of the hrossa in C. S. Lewis' "Out of the Silent Planet". So now, when I feel the urge 2 know what RM looks like, I pic2re a hross, and go on about my business! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long

lumberman,

I love it when a post brings me out of lurkdom! I haven't seen OW for about a decade, which is about 7 years prior to my FWH's A with her. They had been college classmates nearly 20 years ago and even in her 20's she was fat, unkempt and plain to the point of homliness. Their affair had nothing to do with the way she looked and I, for one am glad that I don't have to imagine some really hot babe that I may be forever compared to.

Who

In a way it is better to not see OP, there is a dump (I mean a night club) that I sometimes drive by and lately I have been seeing OM there. The man in me wants to stop by and smash his head against a wall and play kick ball with his crotch. I know that wouldn't solve anything, might make me happier but I will instead send a letter to his wife. Hit him where it hurts. Anyways, he is unattractive, overweight, old, 5'5" or so, greying hair. I am 26, 6'1", 160lbs and have received quite a few compliments on my looks.
Strange how so often the OP doesn't come close to measuring up to the BS.

Hey Cheated_On, the photos I found of ow were on swingers websites- she and her disgusting looking husband both classified as 'bi' that soooo turns my stomach. The registrations on the site were after the A, but it still makes me cringe.

I don't think she holds a candle to me, and FWH didn't either after he saw her. Too bad he was so deep in the fog, he had sex with her.

I had visions in my head even before I found the pictures and I don't think the pictures made it better or worse. I think time has helped fade them.

Of course, now when we are in the town where she lives- no choice at times as inlaws live there- I am contstantly on the lookout. If I didn't know what she looked like I would be worried that every woman was her- is that paranoid or what?

Time really does help with this.

Lumberman,

I have never seen the OW....I use to think about it alot...I even went to where OW lived and would park down the street waiting to catch a glimpse. FWH described OW as unattractive and poor dresser.

FWH met her at a show that he still does. Recently when I went to that show, I thought I saw someone who fit her description and watched this person walk down the street with her mismatched clothes. It probably wasn't her, but somehow at that point, it was ended my obsession with seeing what OW looked like because in that moment, I knew OW was ugly on the inside as well as out. (FWH's A was not about looks.)

For a while I didn't even have a name for her. I didn't know her age and had no description.

It drove me crazy. Finding out her name became an obsession. Then finding a picture of her replaced that obsession once I knew her name. Then I wanted to know everything about her. I eventually found out as much as I wanted to know through internet research and some 'creative' accessing of numerous email, bank, credit card, etc. accounts.

I found pictures of her, video's of them having sex, naked pictures each had taken of the other.

I saw WAY more of OW than I ever wanted to.

Now I see her about once a week when she and XH drop off the kids after their mid week dinner. We don't talk, I don't even go outside, but I do see her through the big front windows if I'm in the living room when they get here.

I'm glad I did know what she looked like way back in the beginning but only because, knowing me, I would have obsessed about it forever.

It did nothing positive though. There was no benefit to my knowing. Even though she was not cute at all, that fact didn't make me feel any better.

Yeah, that would make my stomach turn too. YUCK!!! What is wrong with these WS's?????? I'll never get it!!

--CO

I never saw the OM but I did speak to him. I really don't need to know what he looks like on the outside because I know what he is like inside.

Real piece of work. If I was 2 feet tall and he were 7 feet tall he still wouldn't be half the man I am. That is what I think.

I think no matter what he looked like on the outside he is a truly ugly person on the inside. Knowing that is all I need. If I need to know what he looks like I google "CANCER" and take a look at that. Because that is what this person is.