Just for a little weekend fun I thought I would list some things that I read...with just a little MB tweak.

Signals that you might not be ready to date after the divorce.


You are at a party, see your Ex with his new love and your first thought is…I can’t wait to get on MB to tell everyone.


It’s Friday afternoon and you realize that you don’t have weekend plans…so you stop for a quart of Chunky Monkey and start posting on MB, naturally all about the ex.


You attend a wedding *stag* and instead of dancing with the eligible bachelors attending, you fill everyone (that will listen) in on the latest antics of your Ex.

Your coworker tells you about the lovely Italian dinner she had with her new guy and you mutter under your breath “Italian…no one does Italian anymore....cheapskate”.

At your younger sister’s wedding, when the dance is for couples only, you mentally bash the women dancing as "nothing but ho’s".

Your blind date is 15 minutes late and you think he is shopping for your engagement ring. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

That should get the ball rolling...feel free to add your own.

committed <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

A man goes to the minister at his church. "Reverend," he said, "we have a problem. My wife keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing, not to mention disrespectful. What can I do?"

"I've noticed this, too; I have an idea if you are up to the task," said the minister. "Take this hat pin with you. From the pulpit, I can see when Mrs. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you. When I motion, you give her a good poke in the leg with the hat pin."

At church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the minister put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mr. Jones.

"Jesus!" Mrs. Jones cried out as her husband jabbed her in the leg with the sharp hat pin; "Yes! You are correct, Mrs. Jones!" came the ministers quick reply. Mrs. Jones then turned and glared angrily at her husband. Soon Mrs. Jones again nodded off. The minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning to Mr. Jones.

"My God!' howled Mrs. Jones as she was stuck again with the pin. "Right again!" bellowed the minister, a slight grin on his face. Mrs. Jones again gave her husband a really hard, threatening glare. Before long, though, she again nodded off to sleep.

This time, however, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few hand gestures that Mr. Jones mistook as signals to sharply poke his wife with the hat pin again. The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones jumped up and shouted, "You stick that thing in me just one more time, and I'll break it in half and shove it where the sun don't shine!"

And all the women in the congregation replied -- "Amen, sister!"

ROFL...Good one cinderella.

Thanks for contributing!

committed

Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?


Now, think about it......


Ready?

ARE YOU SURE???


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Answer:

10 little piggies

2 calves,

1 [censored],

and an unknown number of hares.





Now I bet you didn't know that!