Sorry your having a rough couple of days Walt.

Even when we disconnect the "Rollercoaster" still effects us. Just not quite to the same degree (not a high / low / or often). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ***** Sigh ***** <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I left work early on Tuesday to take my two youngest DD's (10 & 1) Trick or Treating. I only put in 10 hrs at my "official" IT job that day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Funny thing about that "acronym". I created my name from one of the things that I do to relax / destress / unwind. I walk the fence lines of my Fields / Pastures looking for any fence repair that needs to be done.

Believe it or not the "acronym" was not delibratly created. (W)alking(T)he(F)ield i.e. WTF was only the initials of the words. I didn't think about it until it was a few months later when someone posted to me what else it stood for.

I was surprised but then I really thought about it decided "How strangly appropriate it was for the situations that we find ourselves in" and kept it. No offence intend to anyone of course! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I hope you day starts to go better. Maybe someday we can exchange "fishing" stories. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Stay strong. I am the same way. If I am not talking to her or not communicating things are fine for me.

When it starts then I slip back to having those feelings. Good luck stay strong.

No matter what decesion you make it is the right one for your.

WaltW
I'm new here...and briefly running thru your story. You are amazing ~ I'm sending prayers your way. For complete restoration of your marriage/family!!

WTF, I'd love to exchange "fishing" stories.

Had a great weekend after leaving work early on Friday. I don't know why it got to me that day... but it did. Worked outside all weekend long with the kids... went to church, to my parent's house for dinner, my cousin visited, did all the leaves in the front yard. The house looks great.

Saturday night I went out to dinner with the kids. The wife went out both of her nights off... Friday and Saturday. Frankly, I'm pretty confident in saying she's just tired of being mom and wife. She wants to party like alot of her friends and says that she cares and will miss the kids, etc., but I don't think she really will. Not right away anyway.

I'm comfortable with all of this. I get sad when I think of the kids mostly.

Iamforgiven... please don't pray for complete restoration of my marriage. I appreciate the thought though. What I WOULD appreciate, is a prayer or two for the "best resolution to the problem". I've come to realize, my marriage recovering is probably not the BEST resolution, although I didn't feel this way for months... I prayed and prayed... my prayers shifted over time. It's amazing really. Like that country song "thank God for unanswered prayers". I think Garth Brooks sings it.

I have those occassional dips, but what's interesting is after they're over, I feel better than I did before each one! Is that weird or what?

I'm going on a fishing trip Wednesday through Saturday with some life-long friends. They are true blessings and have always been there when I needed them.

Thanks everyone!

I completely agree with Walt, "Forgiven," in his plea to you to pray otherwise. I remember when I finally left my husband and his family kept voicing to me that they "wanted me back" (but you should've seen how they treated me when they "had" me!), and acted as if they were all walking around with their fingers crossed. I came to realize that the biggest reason they wanted me back was so that their son didn't have to suffer what he was going to go through, and so that the family name (his family name) wouldn't suffer the social stain/disgrace. (Not to mention the fact that they did love me to some degree or another.) Now they're accepting the fact that we will never be together again, and it was one of the most rewarding decisions I ever made in my life.

Hang in there, Walt, and enjoy your fishing!

Ok, I said I'd post when I learned something interesting.

Well, went fishing for the weekend. Had a great time with friends.

After some putting pieces together, I pulled some info out of the wife. She IS currently "seeing" someone else. She's kissed him, but no sex... according to her. I guess she has some limits now! (Loser)

She has a pre-paid cell phone and has gone out with the guy that I last caught her communicating with in July. According to her "this is different" because she "loves" him.

Through this whole thing I went from very hurt to upset to disgusted... now I'm reaching the "just plain p*ssed off" phase. I'm keeping my head about me.

I'd love to elaborate on the way I pulled this info out of her and the things she said but will save my fingers the aggrevation of typing it all out.

I'm sickened. She's going to be leaving behind her kids. I would hope that she would be focusing on them right now, but it's STILL all about her. Amazing. I'm so glad she will be out of my life soon.

Katuschka... I'm with you. I think this could be the best thing that's happened to me in a long time.

P.S. - How was counseling ever supposed to work when you're still seeing someone on the side. I love it! What a POS.

You have made it Walt. Your WW is not worthy of your love, respect or anything else at this point. It is all about HER and her feelings which will not last. She seems to be headed for relationship after relationship with any number of men. She will find something wrong with each of them when she loses those precious feelings. She is acting like a 17 year old not a woman much less a mother. Let her go and let her experience the consequences that only God and real life can deliver. She may get it in the future and she may not but you can't be held responsible nor can you control it.

You on the other hand are doing great. I have seen you change from your first post here and the changes have been dramatic (physical and emotional). Protect your children from her at this point.

God bless.

Walt,

As I read I can't help but think of the parallels with my ex. I really feel these women will one day be very sorry for walking away from reliable, good men because they want to live the single life they never had.

They will go through the process and will be independent for a while and then they will see how empty single life can be. So they will go and seek out meaningful companionship. Both your ex and mine are living fantasies. There is no reality to what they're doing. It is easy to be in love or date when the reality of changing poopy diapers, paying bills, cleaning toilents, and dealing with rambunctious kids isn't there.

Your W will crash. Mine will too someday. When they do they will find us soaring overhead. Phoenixes that rose from the ashes of the fires and crashes that once brought them down. We will be content men with great relationships with our children, moving forward in meaningful relationships with other women and friends, homes we've bought, solid foundations. What will they have? Men who stick in there only as long as they don't have to deal with real responsibilities or the realities of caring for them and thier children, while the one man in their lives that wanted to do those things and stick it out was discarded like trash.

We'll find our exes suddenly desperately seeking that lost lottery ticket they once threw away without a care. It isn't about money. It's about character. They will have a hard time finding it so long as they are broken souls themselves.

Walt, I know you're still hurt and stinging inside. It doesn't hurt like it used to, I understand that. I'm there with you. It stings. Otherwise we wouldn't care.

Perhaps this is the best thing that could happen to us. We deserve women with character who will value their vows and put their families above their own interests.

I wish you luck. If there is any justice in this world you will get primary custody of your children rather than have an adulteress with no morals raise them.

Keep fighting the good fight.

Thank you both.

We have agreed that I will have primary custody. (Honestly, I don't think she wants primary custody. I think she wants freedom to do what she wants when she wants...) I'm filing in the beginning of December. I'm assuming everything will be "over" by June 2007.

She mentioned filing on grounds other than adultery. I told her that the paperwork will reflect adultery on her part. I guess she doesn't want that on permanent record. Consistent with her painting herself as the "victim".

This whole thing is so sad it's almost unbelievable. My family is so p*ssed off right now... I feel sorry for her next time she runs into them.

...better days...

... are on their way.

Stay Strong Walt!

Oh, one more thing. I left out that I reached into her coat pocket and found a pair of panties in there.

They were Victoria's Secret panties... tiny thong kind one usually woudn't wear for comfort.

I asked her why they were in there... I TOTALLY blindsided her with this and she said "I don't know". I just rolled my eyes, shook my head and walked away.

How long can a person be 16 years old?

WaltW:

Are you in Plan B?

Are you in Plan D?

What are you doing in her pockets?

Why do know that she is dating someone else?

If you are in Plan B, none of the above should be known to you.

If you are in Plan D, then the above is just additional Lawyer ammunition. And when your lawyer hits her with it, you should have been in Plan B anyway.

And your last question was best:

How long can a person be 16 years old?

Remember, you ain't her daddy. And Human Growth Hormone does not work for maturity.

Let her stew. She may come back, she may not. Where do you want her?

Keep us in the loop, we are interested, and I think things are going your way, re: kids, and your personal growth.

I really have no "Plan" at this point. I know we're getting divorced, but refuse to stand by like a chump and let her go unchecked. We still live in the same house, and I want to make it clear that I do not want ANYONE in this house that I don't know about or wouldn't want here. I also want her to know that I'm watching.

I do NOT want her back. At this point, it's just not recoverable any more. I will never trust her again. I thought that we had an understanding that she will not date anyone until this is over... she can't even hold to THAT! I don't believe anything she says unless it is the worst case scenario. I also wonder what I don't know. How many other guys were there?

I'm not going to make this a legal battle, but if she decides one day that she's going to "fight"... I'm opening up the bomb doors and dropping the entire load. Once that starts, there's no going back. I will go for and get everything I can get from her.

I will always keep the children first. My son will suffer temporary duress, but will be better in the long run.

I wouldn't be surprised if my daughter rarely sees her mother. That's going to be largely up to them. I'm retiring as referee.

Not sure how this fits into things, but I'm just being me at this point. I don't want to "hate", but she doesn't make it easy...

I guess she sensed I was pissed and called me on the phone this morning. She asked "where we were" or some crap like that.

I told her I'm p*ssed off, THAT's where I am with this. She's abused me and hurt me over and over and now this crap. I told her that I've handled this in a very mature way so far, and we agreed that there would be no CRAP until it was over. She tried to talk her way out of it, but I've had enough. I told her the only way I'd have ANY respect for her at this point is if she focused on the kids instead of herself for once. She tried again talking about "all I want to do is be happy" crap.

I told her that I'm not tolerating her crap with other men anymore. I told her to stop her bull**** until she's out. That we agreed to that and she can't even honor that agreement.

This is bull****. I told her what a POS I thought she was and that she continues to neglect her relationship with her daughter. She again tried excuses. I told her I didn't want to hear anymore about why she acts like a POS, but I want to see an attempt to repair it. The conversation continued and she was very uneasy about my DEMAND for her to stop the crap with another man. I basically let her know that if I found out anything else, I'm not going to be as nice as I've been anymore.

There's more, but you get the idea. I made myself very clear.

She called back and said that I was right about the kids. She admitted she needs to re-focus on them and make sure she has a good relationship with them since she'll be the one who is leaving. FINALLY, something remotely mature came out of that talking head.

I told her I still expect her not to talk to the other guy and to get rid of the pre-paid phone. She was VERY uncomfortable with this, but I told her that I'm not accepting anything less.

Felt good to lay down the boundaries. I'm done being abused.

Walt,

I am a little behind. Sorry to hear about the further deterioration.

I think you have done an admirable job of keeping your cool.

I don't like divorce but at some point it seems as though it is the right choice.

Nobody here can tell you if it is the right choice for you. Only you can do that. If that is your choice just make sure you are 100 percent sure for more then just a day.

If you are move forward. You deserve to be happy.

Keep your head up you have done a wonderful job. Be proud.

Good luck

I'm very sure about the divorce. I just refuse to sit there and have her disregard her family and disrespect me.

I left it up to her how she wants to proceed. Either way, the filing of the divorce will be in a couple weeks. We'll have the money for retainers at that point and it will give me an opportunity to write up the details for the lawyer.

I can't wait for this to be over... We'll probably be in the same house until June, that's why I'm setting the rules NOW! There's plenty of time for her ****** around after she's out.

Well you are completely entitled to what you are doing.

You have tried and you have given her the opportunities to help make this work.

In the end you are doing what is right for you. Again sorry it went this way for you.

Good job on the weight loss.

Her talking to this guy (EA?) on the side now explains all the classic symptoms of a WS that she's been exhibiting.

She's going to be his problem soon... but not until this whole thing is over.

I knew she's jump right into a new relationship. She keeps saying "he's a close friend"... well you don't get a secret phone for a "close friend"... and you don't french kiss a "close friend".

Amazing the lengths she goes to to justify her actions.

Walt,

You and your children are going to be better off without this woman who apparently is havig a MLC and trying to ward off time. If she acts like a school girl then she is one...NOT!!!!!!!! She can try as she might but she is going to get older, wrinkle, grayer, fatter, and so on barring her dying. She sounds extremely vain and self centered to me

Walt,

For whatever reason she just doesn't get it.

At one point I told the FWW "if you want to act single get single".

I honestly believe some M's cannot be saved. Not because it isn't possible on a base level, but because it requires a heck of a lot of work. Work both sides need to take part in.

Right now your WW is actively destroying your M. For the third time that you know of. So what are you losing?

On the other side what is she losing? A man that after all of the things that happened was willing to soul search and not point fingers toward her, but to point the fingers at himself for the deterioration of the M.

That is a damn good man. A man that can hold his head up high.

Just remember that. Remember not to stoop to her level.