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Joined: Apr 2006
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I really don't like posting stuff on divorce, but since you asked, there is a ton of info (some free) on this sight.

http://www.divorceinfo.com/

Maybe this will help you for more info.

JS


Me 44
WW 32
S 12 D 8 S 5
M 12yrs
W Moved out 07/22/06
ww served me divorce papers 10/04/06

My first post

My current post...
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Thanks, JSlost. I'll take a look there and see what I can find.

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I'll look at it as a sanity check for MB stuff. I am NOT an attorney, but I'll offer views or questions that you can then pose to your attorney. Please NEVER act on my advice alone. Please consider posting portions here that you're comfortable posting to get more heads on it. You can delete stuff soon afterwards you don't want up for the rest of the planet.

WAT

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Thanks, WAT. I will do that. I ALWAYS try to take a step back before I take actions based on anyone's advice and try look at the big picture and how the advice applies to my particular situation. Advice here is taken into consideration but my actions are based on my own thoughts and decisions. The warning is appreciated though....you're not God, "just" an angel. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I'm more looking for a BS' experienced eye to review the sep agreement. People here have learned by experience and I want to make sure items are in there about not carrying on as if you are not married....the sep agreements I've seen say you can basically act as though you are not married. I want to tie WH hands a bit...make him financially responsible but also protect the kids from being involved in his affair life (meeting OW, overnights, etc). The more experienced eyes that review it, the better. I'll let the lawyer be the expert on the legal stuff and others be the voice of reason on the marriage stuff.

There is a song out right now that remind me of my M situation. It's by Gary Allen and part of the lyrics are "even God cries when an angel's hands are tied" In it is a story about divorce and a little girl caught in the middle. Tear jerker (not that bringing me to tears is very difficult right now)

Thanks for all the support, everyone.

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The day has come. WH had me served with D papers last night. Both DDs were standing right behind me when the process server came at 8:45 at night.

It was all I could do to keep myself from falling to my knees and just losing it. But I couldn't, my girls were there. So I cried quietly while I held them close through their great wracking sobs. I think he has finally done it. I think my love is gone. After watching those beautiful faces last night and the deep searing pain on them, I can't forgive him. The depth of the fog has distinguised the lighthouse.

He signed the petition on 08/31, the first day of school. Wasn't that nice? And wasn't it nice that he was conveniently out of town when I got served? He called about 15 minutes after the server had been there. When the phone rang, I checked the caller ID and it was WH. I gave the phone to DD12 and she answered. She started talking okay and then broke into big sobs. He must have asked to talk to me because she handed the phone to me. I was crying too, although quietly. He asked if everything was ok and I said, yeah, just fantastic. He asked what was wrong and I said nothing. He asked why everyone was crying (he could hear the girls in the background). And I told him I just got served the divorce papers. And do you know what he said? "Well, I told you I was going to. Why are you all surprised?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

He then talked to DD12 again..she calmed down somewhat but would start crying again. --I held DD13 and let her cry.

Then he talked to DD13 and got the same reaction from her, although she was almost hyperventilating from crying so hard. As he was talking I was trying to get her take deep breaths and calm down. I held DD12 and let her cry. After he talked to DD13, he wanted to talk to me again. He said it was going to get cold where he was, what about where we are? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> I said "I'm not thinking about the weather at the moment." He said he had tried to get us pellets for the woodstove but they were out until April (yeah, right). I told him I'd take care of the girls and I. THEN YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SAID? "Are the girls ok?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> ..yeah, we're having a party, you jacka$$! No, I didn't say it but, boy, I thought it. I said "no, they are not okay. This isn't the first night of tears and upset and sleeplessness. You don't see it because they try to be strong around you and not make you unhappy or mad..they just want their dad to love them." To which he replied "I DO love them" And I said "I don't see it and I don't believe it. You've lied to them as much as you've lied to me and hurt them just as deeply." What he said doesn't even matter...blah blah blah, fog fog fog

I asked him why...could he tell me why he wasn't willing to try to work it out? ILYBNILWY again....he's tried for YEARS in his own head...blah blah blah

I asked him if this was the first time he cheated on me. WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SAID? "I didn't cheat, I told you I wanted out first" I said "are you married? right now, today, are you married?" He didn't reply and I said "then you cheated. You tell yourself whatever you need to to make yourself feel like a "man", because you aren't one. You might as well lie to yourself, you do it to everyone else."

DDs were still crying so I told WH I had to go comfort them and I hung up.

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Do you know what he asked DD13 to do? He wants her to call his mother because she is sooo upset. WAH! Isn't his mother the adult in the relationship? Why is DD13 responsible for cheering up an adult and making her ok? Shouldn't the ADULT do that? In my opinion, his mother should have been calling along, she's known longer than I have that he was seeing someone. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

If MIL is so darn important, why didn't WH take DDs to see her when he had the girls?

wildhorses74 #1735935 09/14/06 09:15 AM
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These D papers are a joke. WH age is wrong, my city of residence is wrong, and he listed my maiden name as my legal name. My married name is my legal name! I'm going to talk to an attorney this morning and see just how valid these papers are. Wouldn't it be funny if he had to refile? hahahaha

This is how hard he has thought about what he wants out of D. There are 4 items;

1. That the marriage of the parties be dissolved
2. That the Court adopt the Petition's proposed Parenting plan (that DDs reside equally with the Petitioner and the Respondent)as the Interim Parenting Plan governing the parties and the child during the pendency of these proceedings and as the Final Parenting Plan and incoroprate same as part of the Final Decree dissolving the marriage of the parties.
3. That the Court make an equitable distribution of the marital property and debts acquired during the marriage.
4. For such other and further relief as the Court deems equitable in the premises.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I'm so hurt and frustrated and scared right now. I am so worried about my DDs.

wildhorses74 #1735936 09/14/06 09:36 AM
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I am very sorry for you and your daughters

Find a pitbull attorney

Likely request:

1. Full Custody with only supervised visitation
2. If any visitation is to occur, no contact with OW
3. Name OW
4. Ask for the world $$$ (be sure to carve out all debts acquired since he started the affair along with a reallocation of the money he spent on the affair...money in furtherance of adultery is NOT a marital obligation and should not be charded against you)

Then delay, delay, delay the proceeding to the maximum time your attorney can do it because the temporary orders restraining contact with OW will remain in place for as long as possible limiting or forbidding contact with OW.

You'll likely not win the "supervised visitation" however over the next 6 months to a year you'll likely get the opportunity to catch him violating the temporary orders and then maybe acquire "supervised visitation".

Further, by delaying the divorce it necessarily delays the opportunity for WH to be divorced and remarry OW. Once he marries her then you can't deny her presence in visitation order.

I am not indicating you will forever keep your daughters from their daddy. I am merely urging you to protect them from his current behavior and get what you can for you and them through the courts. He currently is obviously not concerned with their best interests.

If there is still any joint monies ask your attorney what to do about it.

Seriously consider Plan B to protect any inkling of feelings that remain for this man. I know it's a highly charged day for you but your marriage DOES still have a chance. Plan B may be the safest way for YOU and the kids to play out that chance.

Be strong for the kids. I was thinking that if you have some married relatives nearby (preferably your parents or siblings) going there for comfort may be ideal. Your daughters need a decent male figure around them that they can lean on and to avoid them coming to some conclusion that this is the way ALL men behave.

Mr. Wondering


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
MrWondering #1735937 09/14/06 10:31 AM
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Thank you, Mr. Wondering. I really appreciate your opinion and suggestions. Unfortunately, I have no married relatives close by. My dad died about 10 years ago and my sister that is married and lives here is going through her own marital issues. I am afraid, too, that they will think ALL men behave this way. I know better than that and I hope they will find that out.

It floors me how quickly he is running with this. He is bound to hit a brick wall and then where will he be? Alone....

06/13/06? started affair
06/24/06 ILYBNILWY speech
07/31/06 signs lease with OW
08/22/06 moves in with OW and her 6yr son
08/31/06 files D papers

WTF? Is it common for WS to move this quickly?

wildhorses74 #1735938 09/14/06 10:34 AM
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It almost seems to me that WH did the "do it yourself" kind of divorce and then had an attorney review it. It is so bare bones and error filled, I can't imagine an attorney would be so stupid. But that would be good too. Their stupidity is an advantage to me.

wildhorses74 #1735939 09/14/06 10:52 AM
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I didn't expect this.

Quote
WTF? Is it common for WS to move this quickly?


No, not common.

I think it indicates his significant depth of delusion.

Maybe a do-it-yourself given the errors. Hard to say, but it doesn't really matter. I second Mr. W's recommendations.

What are the claimed grounds for divorce?

WAT

worthatry #1735940 09/14/06 11:18 AM
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In MT you don't have to have grounds, one of you just has to state there are irreconciliable differences. They don't even have to state the problem.

Exact wording is : The marriage of the parties is irretrievably broken in that there is serious marital discord which adversely affects the attitude of one or both of the parties, and there is no reasonable prospect of reconciliation.

Maybe his particular depth of delusion will make him hit rock bottom sooner. Whatever...I'm losing the energy for this....

There is a mandatory parenting plan class on November 9. Supposed to teach us how to be "cooperative" in regards to the children. And co-parent peacefully.

I really would like to go to Plan B right now. But how would that look to a judge....uncooperative?

wildhorses74 #1735941 09/14/06 11:22 AM
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Start the delaying process right NOW. Make plans for November 9. When you meet with your attorney be sure to tell him you have plans. He will request an alternate date for such "parenting class". That could be a week later or with the holidays...January. All delays should be explored.

Mr. W


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
MrWondering #1735942 09/14/06 11:33 AM
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I doubt he's moving fast -- I suspect his affair started much sooner than mid-June....

He is so far out in lala-land to think he's not destroying his daughters.

I would suspect if he used your WRONG name its not legal, have you got an opinion on that yet?
Does he think you're going back to your maiden name? Ha, you don't have to. I'd keep the one you have. That is entirely your choice!

MrWondering #1735943 09/14/06 11:39 AM
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What is a good enough excuse for not attending the parenting class? Won't they expect you to move heaven and earth to be there since it supposed to be for your children?

Classes are held on the 2nd Thursday of each month.. so the next one would be Dec 7.

Lexxxy #1735944 09/14/06 11:41 AM
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I did get 1 opinion on the wrong name....when you respond you correct all those "little" errors. How do we know that I am the one who is supposed to respond....that isn't my name.

I am keeping my married name. That is the name of my children and I will keep it too.

wildhorses74 #1735945 09/14/06 11:49 AM
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Talk with your pitbull attorney about the errors. Generally, you just fix them in the response, however, delaying is not customarily a huge goal. Your attorney may decide to just let it go to default and then appeal the default decree because of the errors causing delay. It's likely he/she will advise that as too risky.

A good excuse. A trip that is already planned. BETTER YET, a doctor appointment with your OBGYN that usually takes a month to get in with and you want to get yourself tested for STD's that husband exposed you to. Imagine requesting that in writing or in open court.

Mr. Wondering


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
MrWondering #1735946 09/14/06 12:01 PM
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One questions about delaying so much.... what happens to child support during that time? How do the courts expect the parent with the children to provide for them if they are not getting support from the other?

I put a notebook by my bed last night and as things were going through my head, I jotted them down. It helped to get them out of my head and onto paper, otherwise, I would worry about forgetting them all night. It was hard to sleep but I did get some.

wildhorses74 #1735947 09/14/06 12:29 PM
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playing games with support and the like is one of the manipulation methods he can utilize to try to speed up the process. Try to avoid giving him power in this arena at all. Any indication he IS controlling the situation by playing any games with money and phone calls will only beget MORE such tactics.

Perhaps your attorney will suggest a restraining order against OW AND an emergency temporary petition for custody and support in the coming weeks. If you can wait the entire 21 days to respond then you may do it for delay purposes. But if husband plays games with money now you may need to file to protect yourself and daughters. (on the other hand, you may want file "emergency custody and support" asap as delaying only means sticking to the current plan which was negotiated verbally and with hopes of reconciliation. If you delay too much Judge may not believe you are genuinely concerned about daughters.

Just not sure...your attorney is the one to ask. Just be sure to tell him/her to be as aggressive as possible. Then you hide behind your attorney in any conversations with WH thereafter (assuming you are not then in Plan B). You just indicate "Oh dear, I didn't tell my attorney to do that...I should call her" "Yes dear, that is a bit tough, I didn't tell her to say that, I just told her to vigorously defend my rights...to late to fix it now...sorry".

Remember, your WH will think you are being a fool when he sees your paperwork. He will likely be very demeaning and put you down for believing you are entitled to so much. He just can't comprehend how everything won't go smoothly like he fantasized. Let his shock bounce off you. When he disputes your position, just say, "Well, that is what my lawyer told me" or better yet, I won't discuss legal issues with you (or my lawyer advised me not to discuss legal issues with you, if you want to discuss reconciliation I am available to discuss such".

Good luck,

Mr. Wondering <---tax attorney NOT divorce


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
wildhorses74 #1735948 09/14/06 12:52 PM
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Quote
I did get 1 opinion on the wrong name....when you respond you correct all those "little" errors. How do we know that I am the one who is supposed to respond....that isn't my name.

I am keeping my married name. That is the name of my children and I will keep it too.

Hi Fox,

Well this sounds hurtfully familiar.

When my then-H filed he got the following wrong on the D papers as well:

- Date Married
- My Maiden Name
- My Date of Birth

THEN when he signed the final D decree, when comparing it to the anti-harrassment order I placed on OW, his signature was identical to OWs. Too bizarre.

And BTW, my H filed on my B-Day, so it made sense he got it wrong on the D-papers.

I'm not saying OW signed or filled out any of the papers, but what I did finally realize is what a profoundly strong influence OW had on my H.

It was so hard to wrap my mind around it, because anniversaries and birthday (esp) dates were very important to both of us during our marriage. It still boggles my mind.

As far as legalities of the mis-information, my attorney told me it would delay the final decree, which by that time I was ready to be rid of him. Too much emotional abuse.

I wish you well hon. You and your precious girls can survive this, and even thrive.

God Bless,
Jo

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