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#1736615 08/24/06 08:39 AM
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My soon to be fiance and I are moving into our new house soon. He has very grand ideas for how he wants to use the basement space, and this is huge btw, so he's not cramped. I think that he assumed it would all be his, but I suggested that we set up a couch, a craft center, and a tv console with games in one corner - maybe 12x12 space.

We've been down in his basement and talked about what he has right now. Things that may be worth a few thousand if any of us had the time to sell them on ebay. As it is, it is boxes and cabinets full of stuff that has to be moved and is unlikely to be marketed. We both have so little time after work and weekends. He does work very hard at side jobs - he's no sloucher, but as much as he has talked about selling stuff on ebay, he never has.

So, he wants to bring his shed - which is now full of sell on ebay stuff - which he would remove in order to store lawn equipment. He has shelves and cabinets full of stuff lining his basement walls - some nostalgic, some sell on ebay.

Most of the "sell on ebay" stuff is piecemeal. No one would buy a lot - it is all nickel and dime stuff.

I feel badly when I point out to him that we can only take what we have room for, and if it has been stored and not used, why move it at all???

How do you work this one out?

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My wife and I got into a similar boat. We were both established before we got married and so we had two of everything. When we moved we always took everything with us and didn't throw anything away.

This really bit us in the @ss when we moved from NC to SC. We lived out in the country and had all kinds of tools, gardening stuff, books, old computer equipment - you name it, we never threw it away.

We have spent the last 18 months going through every box we packed in NC, and making the decision to keep, donate, sell, or throw away. It was painful at times but was liberating. We have 1/3 less stuff than we did a year ago. Now when we move into our new house next month, there's less stuff to move!

I can fully understand the desire to sell things on eBay but not having the time to do it.

Maybe warm him up by watching those organization/cleanup shows on TLC. Try to POJA that you only take what you have room for. Get him started by sorting stuff into groups - things that can be eBayed, things that might sell at a garage sale, things that could be donated, things that could be put on Freecycle.

Do you guys know a reliable high school or college kid? That person could take pictures, write descriptions, and post the items for sale on eBay or Craigslist or whatever. Pay them a straight rate an hour or a straight commission per item whether it sells or not.

Garage sales are very hit-and-miss. We got lucky and cleared over $200 at ours. We had agreed that if it didn't sell at the garage sale, it was going straight to Goodwill.

Hope this was helpful. In our case, it just took the two of us to get tired enough of the clutter to do something about it.

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Thanks BB - good suggestions all.

I don't know if it was disrespectful or not but I did suggest that if he wanted to bring something then he needed to find a home for it. I described a big heap of stuff in the middle of his beautiful finished basement area. Or a heap of stuff in HIS bay in the garage...

I know that we could sell the stuff but it would take a long time to do so. I wanted to not have to move it twice, KWIM?


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Call the junkman or the clean out crew. These people come, pick up your stuff, maybe give you a few bucks, and haul it away. They sell it on ebay and at flea markets, and take stuff that won’t sell to the dump, saving you LOTS of time.

One way to look at it is figure out how much he makes hourly versus how many hours of work selling and fulfilling on eBay takes and how much he can reasonably assume to get from eBay. Usually that’s enough cold water for anyone. Buy and selling on ebay is fast, and it’s not guaranteed. Plus, then you have to ship it. Basically, you become a mini-retailer.

Of course, with my history this is a hill I’d be willing to die on. LOL. I still have books in my parts of my basement.


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Hey Sunny,

Check around your area and see of theres an eBay drop off store. I have used them before and they are really helpful. The one I used is called Snappy Auctions. However, there are other ones like I Sold It. All you do is take your stuff to them and they'll sell it for a percentage of the sales price. I can tell you from experience that selling on eBay is a pain in the *ss. If they won't sell it you could take it to a consignment store. They might be able to help as well.

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Thirty years ago when my pack-rat husband wanted to get married, I wrote up a prenuptual agreement for him to sign. (It was partly a joke and partly serious) I agreed to marry him but not his junk. The agreement basically listed all the stuff he had to get rid of before I would agree to share an abode with the man.

I thought he got rid of the stuff but he only stored it in his brother's basement. Well five years and two kids into our marriage, his brother's wife decided to finish their basement.I came home from work one day to discover that my husband and his brother had moved all the junk into my house. You couldn't move--every square inch of space was piled with furniture, boxes etc. I wanted to cry.

My advice is to get rid of the junk BEFORE you sleep under the same roof with this man. And make sure it is gone for good--not just put into storage.


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You couldn't move--every square inch of space was piled with furniture, boxes etc. I wanted to cry.

I have SOOOOOOOO been there. My H swore he wouldn't rest until he got it cleared out, it would only take 3 months. Three months later he hadn't touched it. I told him he had 3 months (more!) to get it out of there, or I was leaving. He did it then, but didn't speak to me for the entire 3 months (I didn't have a right to threaten him like that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ).

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My advice is to get rid of the junk BEFORE you sleep under the same roof with this man. And make sure it is gone for good--not just put into storage.

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

and again, for good measure!

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My advice is to get rid of the junk BEFORE you sleep under the same roof with this man. And make sure it is gone for good--not just put into storage.

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Oh, yeah. Try filling the entire basement, two sheds and a crushed Subaru with books, maps, and paintings! I agreed to him shelving half the basement. Instead I got pils of stuff, not even boxed, everywhere. And losing value every minute because they were getting ruined.

The junk goes and no new junk gets acquired.


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GG and all who replied - thanks.

He has two sheds already. His basement is mostly finished and the rest is packed with stuff. A second shed was bought to accommodate this new "stuff".

He is truly stressed at the thought of giving away or trashing things that might be worth money. He played the guilt card by saying to me that he just dump everything into a dumpster from the shed, basement, etc. An ultimatum.

I replied that I hadn't said that he do that, in fact I was offering him the formal living room (a room I won't be able to furnish for a while) as storage for it all... I could hang a curtain so that people seeing the house wouldn't see the pile. (Did I tell you how house proud he is?)

I don't want this to turn into a huge fight but I honestly think that he is not being realistic. I don't want 30 boxes of billboard letters!! I don't want several metal cabinets (industrial size - picture school supply cabinet) full of film!!!

How do you POJA this?!!

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Sunny,

Honey--it's a disease; a compulsion; an obsession.

Nip it in the bud NOW if you can.

My family owns a furniture business and so they own a furniture delivery truck.

They came and hauled away my H's junk when he was not home.

I tried to get him to do it for over a year. He was collecting more stuff--not get rid of anything!

He didn't talk to me for two weeks. But he got over it. It was the smartest thing I ever did in my life. That was almost twenty five years ago.

Since then I stay ontop of the clutter. I figure if he brings something home that takes up space without discussing it with me, and does not immediately gets rid or something of equal size, then I have a right do it because my name is on the mortgage too!


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I would not take this situation lightly. It is likely to only get worse. If he is a true hoarder, he likely does not sell, donate or give away much of anything. He only collects more stuff. Hoarding is a psychological disorder.

He will tell you that everything and anything that he collects has some unspecified value and therefore he cannot part with it. He will tell you that he can sell it on ebay but he never does. He will tell you that he will have a rummage sale but it never happens. He will tell you that he wants to organize everything but never does.

He will have 1001 excuses why he has to keep something and 1001 excuses why he can't part with something. He will never honor promises to organize or part with much of anything.

These are some very telling clues that you have posted:
*He has very grand ideas
*I think that he assumed it would all be his
*may be worth a few thousand if any of us had the time to sell them
*is unlikely to be marketed.
*as much as he has talked about selling stuff on ebay, he never has.
*it is all nickel and dime stuff.
*has been stored and not used,
*He has two sheds already.
*is packed with stuff.
*A second shed was bought to accommodate this new "stuff".
*He is truly stressed at the thought of giving away or trashing things that might be worth money.
*He played the guilt card
*he is not being realistic.

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How do you POJA this?!!

You don't. You cannot POJA with an illness. I have seen it's destruction first hand. His 'stuff' will eventually become more important to him than anything...even you. If you intend to marry a person with this disorder, I wish you luck. You will need it.


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Hmmmm..

My Dad was like that. He was a really nice mellow guy, but he had his stuff.

They say "Where there is smoke, there is a a fire."

"Where there is no gardener, there is no garden."

If you can't live with him and his habits, this may be a good time to realize that. Just clearing out the "junk" is not going to change the man.

I suppose he might change, but starting a marriage with a man you want to change is asking for trouble. In the mean time, have a look at
http://squalorsurvivors.com/

-AD

Last edited by _AD_; 08/25/06 10:01 PM.

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LOVE flylady!


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I love the flylady too.

Once again, complaining about my sweetie is premature to some extent. I told him on Saturday that I was feeling resentful because I was hustling every night to clean and prepare and he was throwing a party.

He painted all day Saturday. He cleaned out maybe 1/4 of the shelves as a "first pass" as he put it. And the stuff went to the curb.

I think he is trying.

I don't thing the nostalgia stuff to do with his hobby will completely go, but I think he is making an effort to sort.

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As a former packrat it's a hard behavior to change. I did it bit by bit, bookshelf by bookshelf, box by box. Items that I use I keep, items that hold no value other than "I paid for it" go. Books? I bring them to work and offer them to others. Magazines and whatnot can be recycled. I try to recycle as much as I can.

Getting to be a non packrat was a pain. I have a large home with lots of room, it's so easy to grow into empty spaces. Part of dropping my packrat ways included purchasing less and tossing stuff sooner. When I'm done with a magazine I toss it unless there is an article I need, then I'll cut it out and put it in a binder that I clean out once in a while.

My ex wasn't a packrat but I seemed to have rubbed off on her, she now saves everything. Proxy statements from her broker? Saved - she has 4 banker boxes full of those.

Changing my behavior was very hard....I almost gave up a lot of times. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


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