GOD why me?

I really thought she was out of it, well she was out of the fog, 2 weeks ago after I told her
About my knowledge of the secret cell phone contact, she volunteered info about, 5 meetings she had with OM, and we have decided to tell the pastor and the principal the truth in the hop that OM gets fired, well the pastor was a JACKA$$ he did not want to hear the truth, he is friends with OM, and I guess he didn’t want to have to fire him, he would rather get my wife out the school.
This was a set back she was very disappointed and she did decide to go to counseling with me, until a couple of days ago, OM called and they met.

Now she is back in the fog, she took 10 steps backward.

She wants to stay friends with OM, knowing it might not last, because it’s going to blow
Up in their faces, I mean according to my WW “his wife have a microscope up his A$$,”

So it’s only a matter of time before it’s uncovered again, my wife still wants to go to counseling with me, she wants to work on the marriage, but she is not ready to drop
OM anymore.

I called the counselor he told me not to do anything before our meeting on Monday.

I’m standing still, but I’m confused right now, how could she go back so far, we have been talking a lot lately, sharing our deepest feelings, about each other, we both agree
That we have never been that close before, she still says she is my friend and that she cares about me but she feels entitled to have any friend she wants to have.

I know the fog is thick around here.

I’m just venting here I’m not expecting a response, I know my wife reads my posts,
She is very vulnerable right now; the scary part is that I understand her point of view,
But I don’t agree with it, and I told her that, she is a very smart woman, please don’t
Bash her, I have a lot of respect for her, but now she is making her own choices.

Tony.

Tell OMW immediately about their ongoing contact.
Her microscope is apparently not working.

You and her need to be allies.

Take it further with the principal. Ask him what action he plans on taking before you contact the church authorities about him allowing an affair to be conducted in his school.

Dear wife of 213601,

Why is your friendship with this man more important to you than your marriage and family?

Do you know?

I agree wholeheartedly with Lexxxy.

I think the deacons or whatever governing body you have in your churh should be told.

Is the pastor also the principal?

Does your wife work in the school or is it that your kids go there?

If she works there, it is time for a new job- if your kids go there, it is time for a new school.

It is WAY past time for a new church.

I'm sorry. While I almost understand that your WW is that confused, what I dont understand is why she cannot commit to SOMETHING if only for the sake of the pain she is causing you and your family. Her selfishness is unbelievable. I am agast that this woman knowingly causes this much pain without any clear plan. She's knowingly flailing around at the expense of others. It's cruel and unconscionable, and I hope she reads THAT!

I agree, hang loose till your MC. Can you plan anything to get you away from her and the house for some R & R? Take the kids or meet some male friends? I am sorry - Dru

213, I don't agree that you need to wait to talk to the MC and don't think you should. I would go higher than the pastor and the principal and expose to them NOW. Expose to them before the affairees get a chance to regroup and plan a defense. I would also call the OMW again. She may not listen, but you should inform her that your W and her H are seeing each other again.

I hope that you can see that this is never going to work unless you leave this church and this school. Going to the same church and taking your children to his place of work is going to keep her thinking about the OM all the time. She CANNOT WITHDRAW until all contact is ended.

Start taking some action, 213. Expose and then do some reading on Plan B. I think you almost at the point where you are going to have to go into Plan B, i am sorry to say.

21301, I would make as much trouble as possible for the OM. Show him that there will be STRONG AND SWIFT consequences. Make it very hard for him to destroy your family. Get on the phone and start exposing in any way you can. Do you know who his parents are?

I agree with Mel, expose more- go to the deacons, call the school board members, do everything you can to expose this and for pete's sake- get your kids out of that school!

Any "friend?"....does that include Lovers or "just" friends? or does it even make a difference when one feels so...entitled in the first place?

Well, if she wants to just be "friends" then you can ALL be "friends." Why not invite her "friend" and his wife and children over for dinner tonight so you can all be "friends?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I agree that she is entitled to have any friend she chooses... but what is a definition of a friend?

Is it someone who assists her in losing her integrity, assists her in hurting her family, assists her in destroying her life? Is this a friend?

No... I believe a friend is someone who would hold her accountable... who would help her maintain her integrity... who would put her safety, her family's safety over selfish desires.

She can have any friends she wants... but she would be wise to make sure it is a friend.

Shaden

If the roles were reversed, do you think your wife would have put up with such humiliation and disrespect by allowing you to continue contact with your lover? Expose to his wife immediately and just to protect yourself see an attorney to understand your options. No consequences to her behavior equals no motivation to change. Her behavior is unacceptable.

p.s. she ain't "entitled" to have an affair....

Thank you lexxy. And MF.

OMW is putting everything in god’s hands and she told me flat out not to call her,
Because I’m interfering with her recovery, this was her counselor’s advice.

And I did tell her about the contact back when I found out she did not believe me.

So I can’t count on her for anything right now, she is in denial and she is waiting
For god to call her and tell her what’s going on.

The pastor knows he is not the principal, he is choosing not to hear it, I guess he is waiting
For a call from god to.

He is the senior pastor so he makes the decisions, and he is OM’s boss.

The best thing that could happen is getting OM fired, at this point.

My Wife kind of works for the school, she is part time when they need her, but chances are the pastor is putting pressure on the school to cut her hours off, they want her to drop the kids off and get lost basically.

And they cannot see or talk to each other at school everybody knows and everybody is watching.

Thank you DRU, for your concern, we are still talking, we are still friends this is not her
Right now she is on the affair drug, it’s like she is drunk or something, actually, 2 weeks
Ago I get to see and talk to my real wife, she even told me” look at me, I’m asking you
To help me out, while you are the victim here”.

So this is not her, right now she is not this way.

I called her this morning, and we talked, I guess we agreed about waiting to see what the counselor have to say about all of this, before we make any decisions.

Tony.

She gave up the right to this "friend" when she decided to have an affair with him. It really is that simple.

She does not want to face what she has done, and what she is doing. So to buttress her feelings that she did not do "that much harm" she is trying to continue the "friendship" and prove it was not so bad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

You really might want to consider plan B. Not at this moment, but the affair continues unabated apparently.

Sadly, I have seen in real life this scenario played out, with a clergyman, and the results are usually TOTAL devastation of both families, careers, morals, religious beliefs and most often the "new" couple don't work out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Hang in there, but do expose to his W. And seek a converence with your clergyman's superiors. He has an obligation to protect his "flock" before his "friend".

God Bless,

JL

REMOVE YOUR KIDS FROM THE SCHOOL

REMOVE YOUR KIDS FROM THE SCHOOL

REMOVE YOUR KIDS FROM THE SCHOOL

REMOVE YOUR KIDS FROM THE SCHOOL

REMOVE YOUR KIDS FROM THE SCHOOL

CHANGE CHURCHES

CHANGE CHURCHES

CHANGE CHURCHES

CHANGE CHURCHES

CHANGE CHURCHES

Wow guys i guess I missed all the rest of you,
I will update, too busy now, thank you for your
response, thank you.

EXPOSE TO OTHERS BESIDES PASTOR

EXPOSE TO OTHERS BESIDES PASTOR

EXPOSE TO OTHERS BESIDES PASTOR

EXPOSE TO OTHERS BESIDES PASTOR

EXPOSE TO OTHERS BESIDES PASTOR

213106, you are making this far too easy for the affairees to carry on their affair. Even though his W does not want to believe you, you should still call her. You should also go over the principals and the pastors head since they are covering up for the OM.

And what is your plan to end contact if she still works with the OM, 213? That is about like sending a recovering alcoholic into the bar every day and expecting them to sober up. It will never happen. Recovery is impossible as long as she works there and goes to church there. Your children should not be going to that school either, Tony.


What ARE you doing, Tony? Why are you trying to get the agreement of a crazy woman who is ****** bent on destroying your marriage? Of course she will "agree" to not having to face any consequences. Would you ask for the "agreemnet" of a falling down drunk when it concerns getting him out of the bar!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Tony, stop doing nothing. You are going to lose your marriage. Appeasing a crazy woman who is ****** bent on having an affair will get you NOWHERE.

Just as you were posting this morning I was listening to Dr Harley on the radio tell a BH, just like you, that the answer to his wife's affair is to make as much trouble as possible for the affairees. That will cause so much conflict in the affair that it will no longer be worth it. He told the man to even get a RESTRAINING ORDER against the OM.

The answer is not to sit there and do nothing, Tony, and wait until next week to speak to some MC. Time a wasting, Tony, and so is your marriage.