Hey all! I have spent a lot of time over at GQII.

I am ready to move on. And it just so happens that there is this new girl at work.......

She has worked there for 1 week. And I am so ready to ask her out - but I need to do a little more sorting in my life (get finances better managed, deal with legal stuff with kids, actually live in separate place than XW)

We have not mingled socially - only professionally. But a lot of exposition has occured. She asked "who is we" when I told her where I live. She mentioned her son in another conversation.

It is a crazy time in my life. I am only 5 months post D.

Mainly I need to talk to friends. I had one best friend who was abducted, and now have a bunch of friends in cyberspace who are on the same ride.

Oh -- I have already begun praying for her and her son. (along with prayers for my own kids.)

My kids are the most important thing in my life, and always will be. I will always be a daily part of their lives.

But I gotta do something about this feeling.

So let me have it.

far

My honest opinion? You should not date until all this has been resolved:and ESPECIALLY this!

Get yourself and your life in order before you invite someone else in....

Try to settle your life before dating.


Not sure I understand why you are praying for someone you hardly know?

Are you sure she is single/available etc?

AGG

DW - yes - I hope to get my feet on solid ground and have the legal stuff behind me b4 I date.

My goal is to be a man worth dating. Right now I have too many variables unresolved. I will endeavor to get my life straight first.

Thank you for your comments. They have helped today!

AGG - I am praying for this woman because she is on my mind. Whether anything ever even starts between us or not, she could use the prayer. And if something does develop - I have a head start. Check out E5men.org.

I have not heard her say she is single/available. She has told me that she and her son live with her sister and BIL, and she is looking for a cheap place to rent near our workplace, to avoid the commute. She moved to town 4 or 5 months ago.

Although I hardly know her - I know her family (brother and SIL). And I know the hiring process of my place of employment. People that work there are two or three steps closer to being like-minded with myself. (it is a church)

We have only talked at work. I will continue to talk to her and get to know her. Cautiously. Hopefully a friendship will develop while i am working through the weeds immediately in front of me. When I get through them -either she will be a friend or not.

I may get a message from God tomorrow or today that she is not avialable or for me. It is all tenuous right now.

Part of the "crazy" that I mentioned is my attraction to her.

thank you for writing me. Oddly enough, some of my best friends are people who I have never seen, maybe never written to or from, and I do not know their names.

I sure appreciate them, though!

far

Sounds like a good plan - just be careful to not get too involved too quickly <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

THAT is the part that needs a lot of prayer.

Eventually, I will need to find out if SHE is even interested. (something tells me she is. Specifically, her question - "who is "we"?") - but even that data would be getting too far ahead, huh?

I have only spoken with her for a total 30 minutes. I might just be dreaming.

I feel like a high schooler with a crush.

far

Been too long since anyone paid any attention to you hasn't it FAR? Too soon, but I know you know that.

It is even more high school than that. I had a crush on two or three girls in HS, that never knew it. And a couple that did. I move too slow (sometimes never even stating my feelings) for anything to have ever happened.

This is THAT high school. We have only had a couple of real conversations. But - yes - she paid attention.

I will let you know what color her eyes are Tuesday. ( I am dissapointed in myself that I do not know yet..) (and that I have to spell check "tuesday")

Of course I know that. (too soon)

But I have become a little bolder with age - and studied about radical honesty and stuff like that. The trick will be to keep my feelings to myself. I will take it slow.

Thanks for dropping in, Faith. I was hoping you would chime in.

Please continue to be radically honest with me, friends.

far

I saw a girl working in the mall one time (in college), and I thought she was beautiful. I went directly to the flower shop and bought a red rose, walked in, and told her she was beautiful while presenting the rose. (first time she had ever seen me...)

We dated for a while - she started going to church with me. Then I broke it off (she was moving faster than I was comfortable with) and I went away to college. She stalked me for almost a year after that. She went and spent time at my parents house - bugging my brothers. LOTS of time. Wreaked havoc at BSU and at church. (the word "psycho" was used a lot by folks desribing it)

So I have been a little more careful about rushing into dating relationships.... (only had a couple more b4 I was married)

(she was a redhead..)(a crazy redhead...) ( a beautiful, crazy redhead..)

Funny how the little things you say can give me days of stuff to think about.

Thanks for saying it, FF.

What a profound thought.

far

Hi...not new here been here a long time ago and now I am back to help others. When redating after divorce...there is a rule that you should wait at least 3 years before dating. To really have to get the past out of your system and to beable to be you when dating. To get involved in dating with your XW still in the house and your finances not settled and whatever...you are still too freshly a new divorcee.

YOu have so much baggage that needs to be sorted and some placed on a shelf and some discarded (You know what I mean). If I dated so soon after my divorce...I would of cried and told them the whole ugly abuse and divorce. I would of been a sort of crazy woman. I started dating about 2 1/2 years after the divorce. I dated one guy...he was history in a very short time...for there was only one thing he wanted and he was OUT!!! I dated another and there just wasn't any connection. Same with the 3rd guy...just a nice guy but we didn't seem to have conversation that flowed. The 4th I dated and invited to weddings and outings and there was something that I just couldn't put my finger on about him. It came out and he was an alcoholic. I had asked him about his drinking and saw signs of the jitters and asked him. He denied the alcoholism and when I was at an outing with a group of his friends and family...I included myself in on some of the conversations they were in and the story came out that his exwife found him to be an alcoholic. Needless to say...I always drove my own car...and I left the party early to go home. I did go home and cry and talked to God. I talked to the gentleman the next day...and we were done (I cannot stand not having radical honesty).

I am currently dating a wonderful man for almost a year. I have prayed for a nice man if the Lord wants me to be with someone special. Someone that is radically honest, good conversationalist, and has a great sense of humor and good commonsense and a is a wonderful christian. God will lead me to the path of his choice.

You are so newly divorced and yes to have anyone give you attention at this time...you are very vulnerable. I was vulnerable and that is why I got mixed up with the first guy in wanting you know what. I did feel like someone liked me, I felt loved sort of, but shortly I felt like I would be used. I ended the relationship before anything happened...and I saw RED Flags. You too will in time beable to see Red Flags. This is a sign that you are taking care of yourself. This is especially true for women. Once you are labeled divorcee...it has some bad connotations.

You could just ask the woman at work some ?'s and maybe eat lunch together. But to date....I would say NO!!!! Not at this time, you need to get yourself together and to get your life organized. I wish you the best....and Blessings to YOU!

LoveinHim - thanks for your post. I really appreciate it.

I was posting the early stuff on this thread while still very excited. I have calmed down some.

You described my plan to a T. I am gonna ask questions - develop a friendship. See how that goes for 6 months, and in the meantime get things in order at home and financially. Getting those things in order will take priority.

I can not date right now. But I can develop a friendship - and in 6 months or a year I will know if a next step is possible or appropriate.

Baby steps.


I mourn the loss of Steve Irwin. One of my favs.

far

Update - I still have a crush, but it is neat how God is talking to me just through that. I do not know if she knows - but even if she never does and nothing happens, she has helped me so much. (I gave her and her son a housewarming gift today. It included a puzzle, a small frame, and some chocolate from Henry's that has crystalized ginger chunks in it. She might be on to me...)

My interest in her has caused you fine folks to help me move to the next level. I appreciate your advice.

I am working on getting the details complete for the de-cohabitation. We need to work out the marital separation agreement, and find places to live. (if possible - I would rather XW and I decide the fate of our children together. Only if we can not agree do I desire to take it into the courtroom) I wish we could find one place for the kids, and take turns being resident - but I do not like the way XW lives, and I do not think it would work.

I am in no rush to get into a relationship. BUT - the lady at work sure is a neat woman. I will definately invest in a friendship with her, and get to know more about her. (that is turning out to be a slow process) (he says after only two weeks...)

I miss romance. Having a best friend. Being in public with my lover at my side. Being married. SEX!

What an exciting time of life this is, to contrast how much D sucks for the kids. So much pain about the custody issue.

I must give it to God.

far