So how long has it been since J and I broke up? I think two months. not good with dates. Anyway, I have decided to get my feet a little wet, test the waters...I put up my profile on Match. A lot of "yuck" e-mails, you learn how true colors come out with a "no response", one guy even had the nerve to write and say, "I must not be good looking enough since you won't respond to my e-mails." Yuck, yeah that'll help me respond. Then the guys who want "discrete meetings". I don't know about other women but I read those and it some how makes me feel dirty they'd even think I would be interested. Another big "YUCK!". Then there are the muscle bound men, everything in right place, tight stomach, perfect bods, must be sore from working out so much! I think I am just a bit too intimated by those men. I want someone who cares about their body, works out, active, but imperfection or a little pot belly is some how comforting to know that they aren't obsessed and also that I don't have to have a perfect body either.

So out of the mounds of men I looked at, there's only one guy I seemed interested in and he e-mailed me yesterday. Woohoo! Of course, I know when we meet it may be totally different and I won't be interested.

It turns out he has a lake house in an area that my best friend just bought a lake house in. Such a coincidence!

I hope he's nice. I don't know what makes me like this but even before I meet someone, it seems that I can't be interested in more than one man at a time. Odd.

I think it's time I get out there though. It just feels right now. Although I am staying very busy, enjoying more time with the boys and their activities, going for walks with friends, I still kind of feel like I am standing still, not moving backwards, not moving forwards, just standing in one place.

On J, my ex...he's called a few times, not many. He called me about a week maybe two weeks after the breakup. Said the, "I miss you, life is not the same, I feel like something is missing, don't think you wanna hear from me but I just wanted you to know this...yada yada" Of course nothing has changed though. He also texted me on my birthday, nice he remembered, I opened the mailbox on my birthday and received a nice card from him, I was glad he sent it, it seemed like the right thing for him to do after two years of dating and since our break up was just a couple of months away from my birthday, but of course nothing has changed, nor do I expect it to. I called him and thanked him for the card. We sent text messages wishing each other a Happy Halloween. We were both invited to the same Halloween party, he accepted, I declined, he said to me, "Some day I hope you will see me again, even if it's just with other friends." I said, "I don't see that happening, I'm sorry." I just think I can't do that again. While I still have feelings for him, it's important for me to move on and that means not seeing him any more, even in group settings.

Well, there's my dating update, not much to tell yet but a start.

Anna

P.S.

Happy Halloween everyone!

Good for you Anna. I have been here a long time...and just came back recently. I remember your past somewhat. I too, have started dating...and was on the dating sites for awhile. To no avail. I did meet one nice guy...at least he seemed nice in the emails...and then we went to the phone. But eventually it just faded. Not sure why...but it seemed that we didn't have much to talk about in conversation after the 10th phone call.

I too, am dating a nice man. We have been dating for a year...and still not certain this is the right guy. Just having a good time...we talk quite a bit on the phone...and see each other almost everyday...briefly...or longer.

My ex did cause quite a bit of pain in my life. He did cause injury to me...and I with couseling asked when I could feel comfortable around a man again. I have kept my guard up...for there is a fear of men. I do one thing that I am trying to stop. Comparing...a man to my ex. This causes turmoil inside...and I know I should not do this...but it is so hard. For I don't want to fall into a relationship that was like my marriage. When a marriage is broken...there is a tendency to find someone like your previous mate. I am trying to find someone that is loving, respectful, caring, artistic, enthusiastic, loves my family as I will love his, loves animals...and loves many things that I like.

I was a victim recently of sexual assault. Was a surprise, for I knew this man...and haven't seen him in 14 months. I made a police report and they said just like I saw on television...most sexual assualts are from family and friends. I have a fear of being sexually assaulted again. For I have my eyes out for RED flags. This guy that sexually assualted me...I saw 1 RED flag after we had talked for about 10 minutes. Then another RED flag...by that time it was too late. I do carry pepper spray with me all the time. I carry my cell phone with me...and have guarded my home with the help of the police.

When you start dating...and thinking of marriage. You have to think about your assets. My cousin (she is a recent widow) and I talk about this quite often. For a man that comes into your life later in years...you want your assets to go to your children or family. There are books out there to read and I have plenty of reading to do on this subject.

Anna...have a good time. Be careful...and always let someone know where you are. That is my #1 motto. I carry my cell phone with me...we go to public places on dates...my favorite is the bookstore....and I will call my contact # during the date to tell them how I am doing...right in front of my date. To let my date know that I am under the watch of a friend. This was one of those things on TV that was advised to do. YOu just have to be careful now.

I had 2 dates that all they wanted was to get you in bed. Out the door they went. I do have conversation with the guy that I am a christian...and that I am leading my life according to the Lord. I do discuss that I do not like smoking, pot, drinking, etc.

As I am becoming more educated in dating...I do feel I am selecting more men towards my emotional needs. At first it was like, I guess you just start dating...and that is it. Wrong...there is so much more to dating at a later age than when dating when we were in our early 20's.

Have fun...keep yourself in protection...and see what happens.

I do know there is a christian dating group locally. It does cost a bit...and that is something that I may look into. I have been to quite a few church singles...to meet men...but that has not turned out positively.

Have fun...and remember it was in one of Harleys books...that you should date I think it is about 4 or 5 men before you start to think about marriage again. Not sure of the amount....just be careful and have fun.

Lovinghim,

That is great you are getting out there. Remember he made you a victim that day but don't let him make you a victim the rest of your life. As women we do have to be more cautious and especially if we have been victims in the past, but we also have to know that sometimes bad things happen to good people, it is out of control, but we will not let that stop us from living life, then the bad people have won.

On M, the guy I am getting to know. He seems to good to be true at this point. He seems to be an awesome dad, we have so much in common it's just odd, we talked for two hours tonight and then he followed up with an e-mail. He's going out of town tomorrow, first on business and then on a hunting trip over the weekend. We are meeting the following weekend for lunch on Saturday. I think that will tell a lot.

Night all,

Anna

Anna,

This all sounds good, just be careful with the "too good to be true" and "we have so much in common it is scary". BTDT, of course, and it's a common byproduct of meeting someone online, where people can be chameleons and professional daters. The real meeting will tell you much more, although as I found out with G, even that is not enough - only lots and lots of together time, in real-life settings (i.e. not just dating) will accomplish that.

I know you know all this, of course <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

Yeah AGG, even when I typed it I thought about all those people I read about who said the same thing but after meeting it just doesn't work out, but still after dating a NMNC person it seems very, very refreshing to have some things in common in this area. I know you'll be able to relate to some of this...Here's a little of our conversation and the things we have in common....

My marriage lasted 17, his 15.

He is divorced 6 years, I'm divorced 4 years.

He has 19 year old and 14 year old boys. I have 17 and 14 year old boys. Older sons are both introverts, youngers sons more extrovert.

He dated a NMNC, you know I did.

He said, "She just didn't have the life experiences I did." YOu know you and I say that...We both understood, like you and I AGG, what it was really like to date people like G and J....never married, no kids.

A lot of similarities with our own parents. For one thing, this one is kind of funny, he said, "My mom made biscuits and gravy for us every morning." So did mine....I said, "I already ordered two things to eat from my mom when I visit at Thanksgiving, biscuits and gravy and chicken and dumplings." He said, "That's what my sons and I order when we visit." A nurturing mom, etc. similar backgrounds.

He worried a little about how I would feel about him hunting, my dad and my grandpa hunted, my dad taught me how to catch rabbits. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The reason I want to meet him so soon it is to get more of the fantasy of him out of the picture and see reality as quickly as possible.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the advice though. It's good to remind me, "Feet on the ground."

Hi Anna...I agree with a few emails, phone then meet. Nothing can take the place of actually meeting. We observe overall demeanor, personality, body language and maybe interactions with others. All so important that cyber space can never deliver.

I wish you luck and hope the meet-n-greet goes well. Hope the fantasy turns into a situation you want to pursue.

Hi Jasmine and thanks! I agree with you, you will never know until you meet.

Thanks also for the wishes, they are sent right back to you as well!

Anna

Lucky you!!

After so many years, I met a guy (on my business trip) whom I liked a lot and in every way! (and he liked me the same!), but - he lives in Europe! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Best wishes, Anna!

Thanks B2M.

We upped the date to meeting tomorrow night instead of Saturday because of a conflict with my schedule.

I'm nervous tonight. We have talked for hours and hours over the phone, I sure hope I have chemistry. I think, looking back, I wish I would have kept the conversations short in case the chemistry isn't there, I think it would be less disappointing.

There are many good things I like about him. He kind of takes charge in a way. For instance after a couple of e-mails he wasted no time in e-mailing saying, "I would like to call you tonight, if you don't feel comfortable with giving your number out, my number is..." I liked that! It was refreshing, it was even refreshing for him not to ask. Really, why ask? If I wasn't interested in talking on the phone then I would probably be playing games. Why drag it out. If that night was not a good night, I could tell him and let him know a night that was a good night.

Since then at night if he wants to call, he calls, he has never e-mailed asking me, he just calls. I didn't realize that I would find this appealing but I do.

I have learned he was married for 15 years, wife cheated, left him for that guy, he hated her at first but now has no ill feelings towards her, she's been through three marriage since their divorce 5 years ago, he loves his boys...so far the good stuff, of course if it continues later I'm sure I'll find out the things that aren't as appealing.

So, I'm nervous a little about our meeting. Of course, that's when I hit the "MB bottle" HAH!

Well, night all! Gotta get my beauty sleep, I'd hate to meet with dark circles under my eyes!

Anna