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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 181
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My W is having an EA with a guy online. Sending him money and pictures of herself in various stages of undress. She has asked him for his phone number and return pictures but he has not sent her them.

When I confronted her about the EA she of course denied it and said they are "just friends" Denys the money, and the pics.

She told the counsellor and me that they have not talked except as freinds. I know that is not true and she sent him more money the other day plus pictures on Halloween of herself in underwear. Guess that was the costume!

How do I deal with her lies? I know she is doing it because I am monitoring her email and myspace account with software.

I think that he is just playing her for her money and pictures but she will not talk about it. I have separated our accounts so the Kids and I are protected. But now what?

Reading SAA

thanks


Married 12 years, BS 43(me), FWW 44 Kids 9 and 11 Recovering Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesian4
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Continue spying and use the time to gather evidence. Print out her myspace messages and e-mails. When you've gathered enough evidence and have made duplicates, then sit her down.

I would start like this: Be very calm and matter of fact.
Have all the messages in a folder, that you lay down in front of you as you do the next thing.

Ask her, "Is there anything you wish to tell me?"

She'll probably deny.

Calmly, once again, say, "I'm giving you one last chance to come clean on your own. I'm asking you if there is anything you wish to tell me about your behavior with this friend of yours online which you want to come clean about?"

Don't know what she'll say. Assuming she continues to deny, then pull out one sheet of her messages.

"Then, if it is so friendly, can you explain this?"

If she continues to deny, continue to pull sheets out, asking "and this?"

Once the evidence is in front of her and indisputable she may cave.

Good luck.


BS-34
EXWW-27
DD-4
DS-Twin boys, 2
D-Day-28 Feb 06
Divorced-24 March 06 (no contest D)
Separated from Air Force - 30 Apr 06
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If/when she does have to 'fess up, be ready for a firestorm.

She may say all sorts of hateful and destructive things to you. She won't really mean them and will probably be sorry for them later. My advice to you, "Ride the wave", "Bend like a reed in the wind", and other such Confuscious like things...

If you've read even a modest amount of stories on these boards, you've probably read about it. Reading about it doesn't prepare you for when your wife whom you love deeply looks at you and screams, "I HATE YOU -- I WANT A DIVORCE!"

Perhaps your wife won't do this, perhaps she'll break down and be immediately remorseful.

Either way, you need to have your responses in a can and ready to open whichever one is appropriate. If you rely on your emotions at the time to script your response, you'll be caught short.

Imagine the worst response she could give you and determine your course of action.

Imagine the best response she could give you and determine your course of action.

Imagine some response in between the two and determine your course of action.

To paraphrase a great military maxim, "No battle plan survives first contact with the enemy." But some planning is better than none.

I wish you well, RonK.

Love your wife, be patient, but don't be a doormat. You've done the right thing by protecting your children first.

Blessings



Joined: Nov 2006
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More can be read about what is going on in the Newly betrayed forum. I just posted her to get soem help in how see if I can get her to become open and honest about what is going on. Because the more I confront her the deeper she goes into hiding.

Thanks


Married 12 years, BS 43(me), FWW 44 Kids 9 and 11 Recovering Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesian4

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