Hey all,

So here's a summary of the meeting with M.

I pulled in the parking lot as he called me to give me better directions on an easier way to get in the parking lot. I see him sitting on the bench explaining how and I say, "I think it's o.k., look to the left, I am in my car heading towards you." So I say "See in a minute", we hang up and I see him talking to this lady next to him. I walk up and he says, "Hi , I hope you don't mind that I brought my mom to meet you too." I really didn't buy it. Who would bring their mom to a first meeting??? So, I look at her and to me she seemed about 15 years older than him, I think she was smiling what looked like a fake smile and a hint of being a little offended that he would think she was old enough to be his mom, of course that was just an impression. So, I immediately said, "No it's not. She is not even old enough to be your mom." and gave him that "I don't believe you look." So of course he laughs and says, "I told her we were on a blind date and asked if I could introduce her to you this way."

We sit outside on the patio, order some fried shrimp, onion rings a couple of margaritas. It is a beautiful night, so hot earlier but it's cooled enough to be lovely, there is a breeze and fans above us that help a lot. Conversation was good. He joked a lot. He said "I told you my personality was more of a humorous one." At one point he said something, I can't remember what it was, I just remembered it embarrassed me and my face got pretty red, I wasn't offended just a bit embarrassed. Later in the evening he said something like, "I can see how I could really have fun, you seem to embarrass easily." Probably some truth to that.

His eyes were very gentle to me, attractive, in a lot of ways handsome but not a huge attraction in what I find attractive, I wasn't blown away by him. In the weeks to come I think either I'll become much more attractive, the spark will become a flame, or the spark will fizzle out. It will all depend on how we click.

A few things bothered me...

One thing, he came in a very lose t-shirt, not tucked in, and these baggy type khakis. The kind that has pockets on the side. It's our first meeting and while it was a casual place, I had to wonder why he didn't feel a desire to want to impress me a little more. Did he feel he didn't need to impress a woman on her first date? I am sure I'll get people who think that is vain of me or think I am being judgmental but I dressed in a very nice tucked in shirt, nice jeans and dressy shoes, and I dressed because I did want to impress him. So I like the same with a guy, this is something that just bothers me when it comes to dating, especially in the beginning.

2nd thing, I like a guy with a sense of humor but I felt his was a little too much, and while some things were funny and I enjoyed it, I wondered if later it would get on my nerves.

3rd was one night last week while talking, I explained my job duties, I manage an office and he said, "You wear so many hats, I hope your boss compensates you well for that." Then last night he asked if my ex helped with funds for the boys, I said "No, this is something I can not control, I do it on my own." He said, "You must be doing very well in your work if you can provide for your boys on your own." I just felt like he was trying to figure out my income too soon. I understand a lot of men want a woman who is stable as much we want that in a man but it's too early for that in my opinion. I don't even put it on my profile, I think it's "nunya".

The things I liked about him...

I think he may be a good dad, all indication so far point that way. He says in 15 years he never cheated on his wife, his wife left him for another man. He said he won't date anyone separated, he won't even consider it. He seemed like a nice guy overall. He had interesting things to say. He had nice gentle eyes. He called me to make sure I got home safely about an hour after our meeting.

Well, there's my update.

Anna

Hmmm, I can't help but get a very "ho-hum" feeling as I read this.

Also, it's probably a personal preference thing, but I wouldn't like either the "meet my mother" stunt nor the "oh, cool, I could have fun with you because you embarass so easily" comment - it sounds a little too high schoolish to me. But that's just me.

The dressing part, that's a tough one. I do try to get a little dressed up, but I hate to overdress and feel too stuffy - people here often say "go casual", which unfortunately is open to interpretation.

Let me ask you, what does your gut say? Do you really look forward to getting to know him, or is it just a notch above "better than nothing"?

AGG

I agree with AGG, Anna. This sounds like many first dates I've gone on where I say "Yeah, I'd see him again just to see if there's anything there, he was nice enough."

I too didn't like his "prank" with the woman pretending to be his mother. I found this to be disrespectful to the woman & a way to get you off guard. I'd prefer someone who will try to make me feel comfortable rather making me feel uncomfortable.

The comment about him having fun with you because he can embarrass you, well, that sounds like he wants to be the director & have fun at your expense. Again, I'd prefer someone who will try to save me embarrassment rather than create it for me.

AGG & Nams,

I agree in a way but then in another way I remember back when I worked in more of a corporate environment where I had the opportunity to be around a lot of men. Often at first I wouldn't have much of a first impression about attraction with any of them but as I got to know them, either they became more attractive to me or less, and for some I could see a chemistry building. That is why I think it's important not to do just one date if there is even a little spark.

M called tonight, conversation was good as usual. He seems to lose his sense of humor a little on the phone and talk more seriously. I like that he shares his own views and doesn't agree with everything I have to say.

He is going to the lake next weekend and then the weekend after I am going to my parents house so I do not see much of a chance of us getting together soon anyway.

Thanks for both of your insight, and I do have the same concerns you have. I also didn't like the mother thing. The more I think about the t-shirt/baggy pants, the more I wonder what he would think if I came in an untucked t-shirt and baggy pants to our next meeting. Might be interesting to see his reaction. hah.

Anna

Not necessarily vain, but I guess I am more impressed by a man who isn't afraid to dress more like he would everyday on a first date. Either I like him the way he is or I don't.

However, after a few dates if he decided to dress up in order to go some place nice, it would impress me. Because it would show that even though he's more casual day to day, he's not averse to actually dressing up on occassion. But that's me...


I'm curious, how do those things add up to him being a good dad?? Maybe I'm missing something??

They sound more like 'qualities in a possible partner' than good dad...

I bet you'd be surprised, he may actually like the more casual person, someone who isn't always dressed up and needing to impress someone.

But if that's not who you are on a day in and day out basis, being comfortable then don't do it, just to see. Just be yourself. And either he likes you the way you are, including how you dress or he doesn't.

Hey TR,

Just giving a summary on indicating he was a good dad, I didn't want to bore you guys with all the details, just listening to them talk about his boys, how he reacts to situations with them, how he takes them places, etc.

On wearing a sloppy shirt and baggy t-shirt, I got the impression he liked the me wearing nicer fitting jeans and tucked in shirt. Also, the pictures he saw of me were all in nice jeans and nice shirt, and that is what attracted him to me from the start. I would think if he preferred a lady wearing a sloppy t-shirt and sloppy jeans, he would never have picked my profile...Maybe I am wrong.

Oh and I do wear things like that, just where to me it's more appropriate, like at home when I am just hanging out around the house, when I am fishing, camping, walking with my friends but when I go out on dates, I do up it a little to nicer jeans, nicer shirt, and if we go to nice restaurants I up my dress a little more, sometimes wearing dresses.

Thanks for the comments.

Anna

Not a problem, it's just what you had mentioned didn't seem to fit into the 'dad' part...thats all..


Honestly, I've seen your picture, and I'm sure he would find you JUST as attactive in an un-tucked t-shirt, jeans and sneakers with no make-up, even in public on a casual date.

Hmm. Anna, my first thought on reading your account of this meeting is that it sounds like the guy was very nervous. The stupid jokes, the teasing past the bounds of good taste...classic signs of insecurity.

I'm not at all sure that the guy was prying with regard to your income level. Both comments you recounted could well have been intended merely as compliments.

On the fashion sense stuff...oh dear. Not much room for error there, it seems, and how's a man supposed to learn the rules?

Bottom line: I have no idea whether the guy went home kicking himself for all the things he did wrong, or whether he's educably clueless, or whether he's just incorrigibly inept in the social arena.

Come to think of it, I'm not at all sure which of these categories most closely fits me...

Hi Gnome,

I was thinking the same thing now, that it may have been nerves making poor judgment.

Maybe your right on the income thing, my gut tells me he was fishing but I am not sure yet. On Sunday he called, as we were talking my one son spilled on the floor, I told him to clean it up and said, "good thing I have tile." he said, "I have carpet. Have you always had tile in your house?" I said, "no, it was carpet when we bought it and I hated it." He said, "How long ago did you replace the tile? Was it recent?" I felt that gut of "fishing to see if I can pay for tile on my own" again. Maybe just a bit paranoid....


Cute!!!

Hope your day is wonderful!

A

I'm sure my X sounds like a good father too, but won't allow the kids to attend events on his time, allow them to play sports, or attend the father/daughter dance with them. Watch the actions, not the words.

About the questions. I am a factual person. I "collect" data. I ask questions and get answers. I'm not an emotional person, I just like knowing details. Perhaps he is like this. I might ask someone about tile if I were considering changing my floor.

I also think there are men who are concerned that women just want someone to support them.

Ooo, "M" can be all of that, worse than that, or not like that at all.
Nobody can know (after the first meeting).
And I'm sure that 'the first impression' that any of us make, can be - misinterpreted... Depending on who we meet with...

A big mistake we make when giving 'another chance' again again and again...
And if after first meeting/impression we don't give another chance at all, mistake we make might be not even a cent smaller one...

Dress is an issue for me. So many men are slobs these days that just dressing up in nice causal clothing puts me a step ahead. Just don't let me secret out.