In Pain
The main reason I am having trouble getting over this is because my H constantly drills it into my head that all of our problems are because of what I did. He said that I ruined his life and our lives. He said I had it all and I threw it away. He's right, in a way. I did have it all and I really screwed up. I don't understand why I did it. Why wasn't my H enough for me back then. I just don't understand. How could I not be strong enough to be faithful? I gorgeous man was throwing himself at me and I gave in. I had a weak moment. In a sense, I let my guilt ruin things even further with my husband. I just feel so awful for huting him so badly. But, I am in counseling and I hope I can get past it. It's just so hard. As long as the one I love believes it's my fault, it's going to be really hard to stop believing it myself
i'm very ashamed to say, that after i discovered my H's affair, i made him feel as though he had ruined our lived with his Affair. I really didn't know how to forgive and my H just wanted me to forget. i made him feel just like your H has made you feel...he has said the same or very similar things
my H told me over and over that i wasn't allowing us to heal because i couldn't just forget the A....he didn't understand about triggers and the reality of what the BS goes through and i didn't understand that i was making him hurt more and more
Neither one of us did things right to allow us to heal ourselves and our marraige. sadly, i will always fear that this is what drove my H back to the OW.....someone who he felt was no better than he was....
i didn't understand about emotional needs anymore than i did about surviving an A
when you have the chance, maybe a starting place for BOTH of you might be to talk about the reasons WHY BOTH of the A's started.....maybe your A happened because he wasn't meeting or didn't know your needs and then his anger and resentment built because he never understood why you had an A and this led to the beginning of his needs not being met...maybe the need for openess and honesty?
it would be so wonderful if the two of you could have a session with Steve Harley...i believe he could help you both heal....and your marraige also
i don't have a happy ending to tell you about because i found this site and the wonderful information here long after my H had left and was already living with OW
but i'm hoping that you have one to share with me someday