I had a bit of a blowup with sister in law the other day. She admitted the boys confided in her that my ex was hitting them. I asked her why she chose not to tell me. She said she kept it to herself. Then, she called the past incident a misunderstanding. She is an emotinoal girl and I chose not to continue the conversation with her on messenger because I was quite frankly-PISSED that she would withhold information from me about My own children to protect her brother.
Now I am questioning how much this family (his ) should see the kids.
How do I know they are going to be truthful in the future?
It seems that they are protecting him, instead of their niece/nephews/grankids.

Should inlaws see children unsupervised? single choice
	yes
	no
Votes accepted starting: 12/02/06 01:45 PM
View Results

Should Inlaws have visitations with him around?(FACS wants visitations to be with his parents) single choice
	yes
	no
Votes accepted starting: 12/02/06 01:45 PM
View Results

Should I hold off altogether until custody is sorted out? single choice
	yes
	no
Votes accepted starting: 12/02/06 01:45 PM
View Results

I was quite frankly-PISSED that she would withhold information from me about My own children to protect her brother.

are you serious?? YOU witnessed it...the kids told you about it...and YOU did nothing quite a few times. You protected him a few times yourself.

You would post about it and ask for opinions...people would tell you what you should do...and still, you did NOTHING.

You continued to carry on your adulterous affairS KNOWING that you were leaving these kids home with him.

You have got to STOP blaming others and start looking at what YOU have done too.

Until you do, you won't ever recover personally.

JMHO
committed

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dont care if i get flamed< banned> whatever---
I HAD NO IDEA THAT THERE WERE OTHER BEATINGS GOING ON AND THEY HAD CONFIDED IN HER AND SHE HIS THE TRUTH FROM ME. i TOLD HIM IF HE DID AGAIN, I WOULD LEAVE. AND I LEFT.

YES I AM SERIOUS.

When he abused the first time...I CALLED FACS
When he absued the second time HE MOVED OUT
When it happened other times WE WENT TO COUNSELLING
I PUSHED HIM to go on meds.
WE waent to family counselling.
I asked him to go the doctor.

THATS DOING NOTHING???

AND BY THE WAY...MY "ADULTEROUS" affairs were not CARRIED OUT when he was HOME ALONE with the kids. Are you my husband???
Seriously,. you sound just like him!

JESSSSSSSSSSSUSSSSSSSSS

MY HUSBAND as a father is not capable enough to care for his OWN FLESH AND BLOOD more than a few hours at a time?

Are you for REAL?

Adding injury to injury to not a good choice for you right now. We know that you are very upset about the "beating on your children". God I would go crazy if anyone hit just one of my children! If you are seeing anyone right now, please call it off! It will hurt you in court. We don't know all the details in what happened in your family's life. Just what we get from you. We all need to take 50% of the blame when something happens in a relationship. That's just what responsible parent must do! I believe that is all the other poster was stating. We want to help, not to cause you more pain, please try to understand that.

MY HUSBAND as a father is not capable enough to care for his OWN FLESH AND BLOOD more than a few hours at a time?Are you for REAL?


Yes, totally real.

The way that I see it...one incident of abuse toward a child is one too many. Also, when that ONE incident occurs subsequent incidents should NOT occur if that child is being protected.

The things that you are claiming to be "something done" are really nothing when children are subjected to abuse over and over again.

Why couldn't you protect your children from him?

The reason that I posted on this thread was that I found it quite strange that you are using a "poll" as some type of decision-making model to determine whether or not your in-laws should be allowed visitation because of their unwillingness to 'protect' your kids. Well, I didn't see you doing that much protecting either.

Stop with the drama and the threatrics and get down to the business of some good self evaluation.

jmho
committed

Your opinion is your opinion. I wouldnt call it "humble".
I take my blame in this, this is not theatrics. This is being pissed at someone who constantly judges me on here, posts on my threads and throws in my face having an afair that happened...oh TWO YEARS AGO...and hasnt happeend since.
No, I am not seeing anyone.
I am not using a poll ot make a decision.
I have made up my mind, but put it out there, to see what others might do in the same situation.

When my H expressed a realy desire to get help, and he went to counselling, I believed him. If it happened to me where I did something bad to my kids, regretted it and got help, you are saying there is no forgiveness and helping him move on? Hoping he can mend his relationship with his kids and go forward? I mean, your attitude, of one time is too many and I enabled it...that is ludiacris to me.
Each incident was handled through counselling, FACS and him leaving on 2 occasions.
We are not getting back together. he wants to--its not happening.
Now the first reason that coems t omind is "I cant trust him". You know, that s probably his first concern with me too--no matter what.

Its been two years since my affair(s) and ya, that was really stupid and I was being a total selfish brat.
I have spent the last 2 years trying to pull my family together and be a good parent and wife--for the most part.
My efforts always did lag here and there or I would pull away.
Everything fell apart and I had my part it in like he did, and only God really knows the how or why.
Ive prayd for my forgiveness and tried my best to do good by Him and love my kids and still forgive my H--even thought he has hurt me a great deal in this by hurting my son. Because I told him --EVER AGAIN...and that would be it.
You see? That is why his sister hid the fact she knew something--because she knew it would be done.

I am hurt beacuse she kid that from me, instead of protecting her niece and nephew. I feel very betrayed by his family. But life goes on.
I am very very happy being alone and I ahve hard days, but I am pretty organized and I work my nine hours, come home, cook, do a load of laundry, play with the kids, do homework and after they go to bed, give myself an hour or 2 alone to cry, write, read, whatever.
I am happier than I have been in years!
Thats my personal self evaluation.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am sorry, I didn't understand that this was something that happened before this current issue.



I understand, that's is what I would do and want if this would have happen to me. You love your partner, and want them to get the help they need. But please understand that trust is something I would not give so easily. I would watch my partner's so damn close that might do more harm to my relationship with them. I Don't care! children come first, formost and always! It's our job to feed, care, love and protect them. I would tell my partner "This will never happen again"! I will put you in jail, take your [censored] to court and do whatever it takes to stop this insanity. When any poster hears of "child abuse" the parental instincts kicks in; protect, Protect and PROTECT!!!
It's how God made us!



I understand, if my sister in law hide something like this from me, I would be unable to look her in the face! I might want to hit her in the face but could never trust her again! if my sister hide this from me. I would never forgive Her! NEVER! But I know my sister would never do this, she would protect them!



ditto: I feel the same and is what I do each day because like you, I love my children that no sacrifice would be to great! You are loving, caring and now protecting your children. Good for you! and never let that man touch your children AGAIN! For he is no man in my book!!! You gave him another chance and he blew it! Don't ever trust him again and I sorry to say even his own family! They blew it as well!

CD, your entire family needs help and I hope that you get the counseling needed for each and every one of you. I think your X can learn to care for his children without the stress of the marriage. I think visits should be supervised, and that you shouldn't keep a child from a parent. In your case, supervised.

There have been many mistakes on all sides. You need to make a decision to move ahead in a healthy way. Counseling and oversight can do that for your family. Please use all social resources available for yourself and your kids.

I would be very worried if My own child confided anything to XSIL/anyone else but not to Me!
It'd mean I miss something very badly in raising him and my relationship with My own child would need a lot of work/improvement...

I.e. how old are your children?

What do your kids have to say about it? They told adults and no one did anything about it? Who else did they tell? Teachers? Scout Leaders? These poor children! That is your concern right now--not visitation.

Years ago when I was teaching, I had a child come to me on a Friday afternoon after the last bell. She said she was afraid to go home--her stepfather had beaten her before and she had a feeling he was on the war path again.

The procedure, at the time was that the teacher would direct the problem to the crisis intervention counselor and he would handle it. The counselor had left and I eventually got him at home. He said it had to wait until Monday. Can you imagine! I talked to the girl and found out that she was active in her church and close to her pastor. I told her I would let her make the decision--I would call her pastor or the police. She chose the pastor. I called him and he handled it. On the following Monday I was in hot water with my school for not following procedure. But I was more concerned about how that child would have felt to think that she had finally come up with the courage to tell a grownup and then have the grownup do nothing.