Well, folks. Just wanted to get this out there. Mostly as a basis of hope for all of those that are struggling thru their situations.

Mrs. Mortarman and myself have been talking for about 3 weeks now. We have also begun counseling with Steve Harley and it looks like we will be headed out to the Marriage Builders retreat at the end of January.

I know...you wonder "what happened?"

Well, kinda long story. Suffice it to say that my wife began making phone calls to me in late October, trying to talk to me and see where I was at in things. Well, I had a very dark Plan B going since court last July, so I was not in the mood for idle chit-chat and ignored her requests.

Then a couple of weeks ago, she called and said "we need to talk." I decided, partly out of morbid curiosity, to meet her and find out what was going on.

Basically, she looks like for the first time in all of this, to be surrendering. She told me, and Steve, that she has realized that the goals she has in life will never be attained doing as she has done. That her and I did have a great relationship, which is now marred by all of this mess over the last few years. And that she wants to do whatever it takes to get all of that behind us and get back to who we were with each other.

Of course, I am in a state of shock. And while I am not right now in Plan B, on the advice of Steve, I am also not engaged in the relationship yet. I am in a holding pattern.

Mrs. Mortarman has work to do. Steve has her makign a list of the things that she feels she needs to do to meet my needs, to not love bust, and to repair the damage she caused. In their discussion, Steve helped her see that her independent behavior will always cause her to not get what she really wants...which is one of those 40+ years loving marriages. No matter who she is with.

He has helped her see that she cant come to the table demanding anything. Neither spouse can. That it must be about what you will do for your spouse...and not what your spouse will do for you.

So, she has begun to do her homework. She has asked nothing from me, besides just continuing to talk with her and to go thru this to see if this is possible. Steve made sure to tell me that until she has gone thru all of the things she needs to, that I should remain guarded, and there should be no dating each other, no sex, etc.

Basically, now that she has taken the initiative and for the first time in all of this, has shown that she genuinely wants this...that she has some work to do before I am to get involved.

So, as I said, there is a lot more to this. And it all may still fail. But it is interesting that once everyone (including myself) concluded that this thing was over after court this summer...that in the Plan B darkness, the Lord was walking Mrs. MM thru all of this. And now, it depends on whether she will bend her knee and submit to it.

So far, she has taken the horse by the reins and she has been the one pushing this. She has called me constantly...just wanting to talk. She has told her mother, the kids and her friends, that she is trying to fix this.

So, I am just standing back watching. Amazed at the power of the Lord. But remaining guarded until things become more clear.

Praise God, MM.

MM, I wonder how many of the new people here know your full story and what you have gone through to get to this point.

It really should give hope to many when they feel all is lost.

You deserve the best!

HTW

Good for you, MM. Maybe there is hope for my situation afterall.

Wow!!!!

I agree with HTW, MM. I remember your story, but I think that a lot of the newer people on the board would benifit from a recap of the situation and how it led up to where you are now.

Glad to hear that you're taking 'baby steps'. I've always recognized your level-headedness...it's just nice to see that you're keeping it even with these latest changes!

I agree with OWL that some of the new posters might see what is possible when you incorporate both the carrot and stick of Plan A...followed by a very dark Plan B (twice in your case).

Stay guarded and good luck my friend!
HTW

edited to add...You story helped convince me to expose to my WW work and family when I found it so difficult to do. Thanks! I called it Operation CarpetBomb <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

It's amazing what can happen when we turn our loved ones over to the Lord. Once a person is His, even when they stray, He seeks after them to bring them home.

That is amazing, I hope she can make the effort she needs to.

Interesting...

I said a little prayer this morning. I asked God to please provide some hope and healing from all my MB friends.

God does answer our prayers. In his time and way.

If it's not to much to ask, please pray for my DD's (14, 10, & 1). 2007 is looking to be a very chaotic year for them.

God Bless & Keep you.

Mortarman,

Could you provide a link to one of your old threads? I would be interested in knowing a little bit more about your sitch.

I will try to get up the links to at least the basic threads, as I have so many over the years. maybe I should sit down and just put together a bio.

WTH...prayers have been sent.

Over all of this time, the Lord has used this to strengthen my faith in Him and to draw me closer. When I comepletely walked away this past July and left Mrs. MM to the Lord entirely, I had no idea that this was even possible. I was sure it was over.

God asked me to "let the unbeliever go." I did that. And the reason, most often, that He asks this is so that we will get out of the way. So we will not hinder His work.

I could go into the long discussions we have had over the last few weeks. But the overall theme is that Mrs. MM began to see what she really had in me and how really small our problems were/are.And that she will never get what she is looking for by pursuing her own will.

It was the quiet times over the last 6 months, she said. She spent all of her time at work or at home...mostly without the kids. I wouldnt talk or even come near her. Sure, she still had her friends around her. But she was still feeling alone.

She could no longer blame any part of her life on me. As things began to worsen...she could only blame herself. And in the end, there is a voice...s small quiet voice saying "come to Me."

It is amazing.

Again, I am not getting overly optimistic because it still requires a lot of work out of her. But I can say that the start of this is much different than before. She is pushing this. She is the one saying all of this. And so far, she is asking nothing from me. And repentence looks like that!

So, Mortarman is in a holding pattern and watching!

Absolutely thrilled for you Mortarman!

I'm not here very often but I certainly remember getting much good advice from you a couple years back.
(Advice I now wish I had been better at following LOL)

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I hope all is well with you, meremortal!!

OH, MORTARMAN!!!

HOW WONDERFUL!!!

GOD IS GOOD..OOHHH SOOO GOOD!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

MM,

I like the slow, methodical and though out way you are going about this. You have to continue to hold emotions at bay and only pay attention to your WW's actions, not her words.

All that said, I am praying for God's will to be done!

Yes, as you say, SO AMAZED BY THE POWER OF THE LORD..every day and in every way...

I want to take this chance again to say, Mortarman, how special you are to me...

YOU WERE AN ANGEL HERE ON EARTH to me and I will FOREVER BE GRATEFUL to you...

You and Mrs. MM are certainly in my prayers...

MM - Thanks for the good news thus far; I've read and benefitted from your counsel but lost track of your sitch. Can you say what the Jul 06 court date was for? I gather it was for child custody but was it also separation or divorce?

I'm glad to hear Mrs MM has taken a turn for the light and pray she continues down that path.

V/r,
No way

She's a VERY lucky woman that she is being given this opportunity for another chance..........

Praying for the best for you and your family! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Now THAT is unconditional love!

You can tell Steve I said that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long