Hello All my Oldie Friends. (And hello to any Newbies that might have dropped into this post.)

[color:"red"] God is Good [/color] is all I can say. My life has been filled with blessing after blessing after blessing. Before I give you the low down... brief history for the newbies.

D-day Dec. 2000. OC was almost 6-months at that time. Paid voluntary child support for a long time (maybe a year, I can't remember). OW asked for more, we said no, she took us to court. Court ordered DNA and DH turned out to not be the baby's daddy! My Happy Dance hasn't stopped since.

Marriage was rough the first year or two after D-day, but we committed to working it out. Through prayer and faith God saw fit to put his healing hands on our marriage.

In 2003 we moved out of state (my company promotion). DH started a new lucrative career. In fact we built a new home last year. It's our dream home (3,200 sq feet). We have been blessed with many physical things... but the BIG blessing has been in our spirit, hearts and minds.

Our marriage ROCKS. My husband and I have found the meaning of true love, true friendship and understand the art of meeting each other's needs. This understanding and state of hapiness didn't come overnight. But the better it gets the harder we work to keep it and grow it.

We know now that this joy we have comes only from the Lord. We pray together. We are active in our church together (He's a Deacon). We raise our children with Christian moral values and teach them God's word.

We constantly give God the glory for the many blessing he rains on this family. The more praise we give, the more blessings come. I am a believer in Him and His Grace.

I'm so glad to be able to pop into the board today and give a good report. I want to encourage any and all of you out there seeking to find true happiness and love and peace of mind. It comes. It doesn't come easy, but it comes. Turn it over to the Lord. Pray on it and be willing to put in the sweat and tears to make it work.

Be willing to work on [color:"red"]YOU[/color] first. Fix what's wrong in you. Figure out how you contributed to the breakdown in your marriage. You may not have been the one who cheated... but in most cases, the BS was not meeting some of the key needs of the WS. When you start fixing yourself, it will definately get the attention of the WS. And it encourages them to start working on themselves. Next thing you know, you both are better people and then you can start working on your marriage.

And above all, you have to forgive. You have to make a conscious decision to not punish the WS for what they've done. I hung onto bein the victim for a long time. Only when I released my being a vicitim was a truely able to forgive. This is key if you ever hope to trust again. If you hold onto the resentment you will never trust and you WS will never feel safe to open back up to you... because they can't trust that you won't lash out again. (Hope that makes sense.)

Well, I've rambled enough. I wish you all peace and happiness.

God Bless,
[color:"red"] Z. [/color]

Yea for Z!!!! It's great to read your encouragement too! Stacia_lee, great to see you too! I've been a busy bee since the holidays. Sailorman is out floating on a huge grey mass of metal in the middle of an ocean on this earth. His spirits are average right now. It's hard when they don't have any port visits planned for the near future, but he's also getting some qualifications that should/could help advance him in his career. Me and the kiddos are dealing, we are 1/3 of the way through this deployment, and it's hardest on little(not so little anymore) Abbi. She really misses her Daddy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I agree 100% with what Z had to say about recovery. It's NEVER easy, but ALWAYS worth the pain, sweat and tears that go along with it.

Hope some more oldies pipe in and give their updates!

Hey Girl It's so nice to read your update! I miss you! Your words of wisdom is encouragement for me.... I'm doing pretty good... I'm finally no longer angry and I gave up the victim role years ago but I still have issues that are contact related we'll talk behind the scene. Hi Staci and Tigger!

Tee

Hey Ladies. I check in here about twice a year. Nice to see so many of my old friends.

We are well. We just passed the fifth anniversary of 'Gotcha Day--they day we adopted our Russian boys. Our older son is now 15 and his younger brother is 12. Both continue to be happy, loving and healthy guys. School is a challenge for them, more so for our younger son.

Mr. Job (I used to be Mrs. Job) and I are fine. Not great, not bad. We have incorporated Precious (OC) into our lives as much as we can given that she lives 2000 miles away. She is now 6 and comes to us each summer for a few weeks. We talk on the phone 2x a week. Somehow she is not attached to the pain of Mr. Job's affair. She is just my cute third kid who just lives with us part time. Don't ask me about ex-OW. Actually she has been as cooperative as humanly possible. I feel like I have forgiven her but the bits of necessary contact still give me heartburn. I still feel threatened and am sure that she has not give up her plans to destroy my family. Her couple of relationships post affair have both been inappropriate with separated but not divorced or her boss. Other than that she seems to be a good mother. She is raising a great kid. BTW, Precious is just brilliant. I know that because she adores me. My planned revenge is that when she is 14 she is going to say "Why can't you be fun and nice like MaryJanes. I am going to live with her and Daddy." Ok, just a little silliness to pass the time.

Does anyone hear from CatNip? or has she completely fallen off the face of the earth?

Love to all.

Hi, I'm fairly new here. I have done a lot of lurking the last month with TexasGirl, Crazyhurt, Zebrababy's, old post and a few others. My D-day will be in two days (two years ago). I have found your old posts to be very helpful. The feelings expressed and the turmoil and the strength and perserverance to get through. I hope to one day feel that we have gotten to a point that some of you sound like you have achieved. I know that we have made tremendous progress. I know that relocating across the country and H maintaining NC has been the only thing that has allowed this. His view is as a sperm donor for an OW intentionally getting pg before whe was too old. The CS sucks. The fear of my COM finding out is a black secret. I'm continuing to read your old posts, I'm not finding current postings as helpful. Bless you all for what you have left for others to read and see, it helps us today to no that others have stood in these horrid shoes and are getting through. Also, that most of you have stood in them alone, in isolation. I never new that there was so damn much of this our there.
Thank you

Dear Z,

I have not signed onto this site in years so you can imagine my surprise when I saw your name along with oldies Stacia Lee, Tigger, Mary Janes. It was like stepping back into the past -- only better -- because now there is only the warm feeling of kinship that I felt on this board without the pain associated with the OC situation.

I am delighted that you are doing so well, Z. After what you went through, you deserved real happiness. And, I am so glad to hear all the updates. We have really come a long way haven't we ladies?

As for me, I am doing great. We had contact with the OC for several years but then a really strange thing happened. The OW behaved so badly that my DH decided to go no-contact. It became apparent that her main interest was driving me out of my marriage rather than caring about the OC. I guess that "fog" we used to talk about lifted after five years of antics and he could finally see where he wanted to go.

Life has been very good to us. Our marriage is certainly different, but it is stronger than ever. I am an equal partner. I assert myself and clearly state my needs while at the same time being attentive to his. We have a new level of communication that is absolutely wonderful and we finally have learned to say what we mean and mean what we say.

I am very proud to tell you that I am studying to be a minister. After coming through the OC experience and talking to so many people in our situation, I felt that I wanted to give hope to people. There are so many hurting and hopeless people in this world. If I can help a few, I will feel that I have really accomplished something.

There is so much to catch up on. Do any of the other oldies ever pop in? Like, Catnip, Marysway, Gemini, K, Unsure, Gabi -- so many I can't remember all the names -- there are many I am forgetting.

If any newbies are reading this, I want to second what Z said in her post. At first, the depression is so deep and the pain is so horrifying that you don't think you can ever move forward. But, we oldies are living proof that it will pass and that your direction will become clear. You will be happy again. And you will be stronger than you ever imagined because no one goes through this experience without finding that inner strength we all have deep inside.

Keep up the struggle and I hope you will be comforted by those of us who have been in your shoes, survived and prospered. There is no "one size fits all" answer. You can be guided by our experiences but, at the end of the day, we are each unique creatures. Your own mind and heart will eventually tell you what is right for you.

My prayers are with you. This board and those who struggle with this situation will always be in my heart. I am going to lurk for a while to see if any of my old friends respond to let me know how they are doing.

Love and courage to you all,
Heavenly

Wow Heavenly---great to hear you are doing well!! What an incredible story you have.

I would love to hear from more oldies too, esp. K and Catnip and MaryJanes...

Gemini and I posted on the older, private board, but it's not very active.

Best wishes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
J
married 20y
3 COM
visitation 8yo OC

Zebrababy!!!! That is such great news~ I am truly so happy for you and your H. It has been such a long time, hasn't it?

I don't come here much, but came to the private board for some advice. If any care to check it out, feel free to do so.

So Tigger, and wow~ Maryjanes, and Tee, Stacia, Fled(I don't know you....)And heavenlybody26 (my personal counselor back then), and Jenny all came to say hi!

H and I are doing well. We have a good marriage/partnership again. Our Granddaughter turned 5 and is a joy! S and DIL doing good and house hunting.

Heavenly thanks for the update. I think 'minister' will fit you so well. You are a kind compassionate woman and will serve God well.

Maryjanes I laughed at what your wish is when oc is 14. You are one heck of a woman. Glad everyone is doing ok.

I have talked to the rest of you lately and I'm so glad there are so many wonderful outcomes in this horror of a situation~

I pray for all who post here.

Talked to catnip in January briefly to check in. All is well.

Will check in again to see who writes.

love
Debi

MaryJanes!! What a delight---I didn't even SEE your post the first time I looked, just lovely Zebra and Heavenly's. MJ, your sense of humor has not suffered one bit! LOL

Hugs,
J