I run the gauntlet every morning...there is no way to get from the kids school to my office without driving the main artery...right through the heart of WH's patrol area.

I've never encountered him...except for the other day when I saw his cruiser.

Today our paths crossed (it was bound to happen); he was heading northbound; I was heading southbound through the little business district where traffic slows. I got a wave from him; I have nothing in return. (honestly it's hard to tell one cop from another until I'm right on top of them)

Guess what? No heart jumping into my chest, no sweaty palms, no panicky feeling, etc. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Good sign, right???

I take that as a good sign. I have some anxiety today but I think it is work-related...very, very busy....a confluence of deadlines...

GOOD!!! A little dose of reality w/o breaking plan B. Still here keeping up with your sitch but a full plan B is unchartered waters for me so I don't have anything to offer other than support.

You're doing great. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ooh, I just thought of something. I wonder if he's received the notice about the arrears...

Hi Daze.
I’m positive that he has received notice, as I am just cc’d on the documents from FOC. I’m guessing he’s figured out by now that it wasn’t something that I personally initiated (aside from the fact that *I* personally initiated FOC involvement...after he filed).

I’m feeling better about BIL visiting yesterday. BIL is a very, very thoughtful and sensitive and religious guy, but has no room for this kind of behavior. He also recognizes enabling when he sees it (he’s a doc now, but during college worked for a rehab center). Maybe he’s a positive influence. I choose to look on the bright side.

Confession time: a little piece of me wants to reach out to WH…but I totally understand and KNOW that I can’t. It is ALL on HIM now. I am living my life…struggling with the day to day responsibilities, still working on me, still processing all of the hurt, knowing that I have to keep busy to stay in the NOW…and if I reached out I would inevitably be hurt and dragged back in to the drama. So it’s a no-go.

I was walking over to the post office a bit ago, sun shining on my face, no coat, beautiful blue sky, remembering seeing him wave to me…and I realized that I still do LOVE him. That may be HIGHLY inconvenient for me, but I guess that love (in general) can never be a BAD thing. It’s what you do with it…and right now I’m just keeping it to myself.

Since you speak of ENABLING and understand the concept, REACHING OUT TO HIM would ENABLE the AFFAIR. I learned that lesson the HARD WAY. It takes away the SUFFERING. Remember that you want him to REACH HIS BOTTOM.

God works in MYSTERIOUS WAYS. Maybe think of seeing him today and getting in touch with your continued LOVE for him as a BLESSING.

PLAN B allows you to hold that LOVE in SAFEKEEPING.

Sis, when he shows up at your door with that NC letter (or asking what he needs to do) then you can reach out to him. You will be grasping at his shadow if you reach out right now...

You are doing so well, Sis, so well. About the silence, I would suggest looking for book on tape, ripping that to itunes and loading it on your ipod. You can have someone telling you some great story while your working in the garden.

Just to be clear....there ain't NO WAY I'm breaking my Plan B! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I like the dark....for ME. I feel safer here, in my buffer zone. And the fact that it puts pressure on the A, more the better. I don't dare expose myself to any more hurt.

But you are right, mimi, it was very nice to get in touch with that love. There's been precious little of it around lately related to him. In other parts of my life; in other relationships, there's been a great deal.

I am blessed.

Hmmmm, could this be the beginning of the breaking? With my FWH it was his feet-- he loves to dance and that was his big calling card when he went out. With your husband he's very P R O U D of his credit and thinks things will be EASY... financially.

Picture WH wrapped in heavy iron chains. Chink... the first strike against the iron that will cause those chains to break.

LS:

The FOC thing?

The little wave?

You are killing him.

He still has to make the choice to survive or not.

You will.

Stronger. Changed. But ready for a future.

Mrs. LG said to me the other day, that if I hadn't done what I did on Dday and instead went off with OW. I would be on my second or third R after OW.

I thought, "How wrong is that?" No WAY!" But I thought about it some more and had to agree with her.

She was right.

You will be a treasure for the next person. WH is just a shell of what he could have become.

Still his choice.

I walked on that side of the street for a long time. And I found a way home. So can your WH. Still his choice.

Work the garden. Both in the physical and the spiritual sense. Because something great is growing, we just do not know what will bloom.

(((LS)))

LG

I doubt the arrears issue will ellicit anything more than another, "look what an uncooperative shrew LS is being by not allowing us to just work this out between us! She says she cares about me, but she's willing to wreck my credit!"

In typical WS fashion, it needs to become MY fault somehow.

I suspect that he'll just cut the check ASAP. It's not that much $, and fighting it will cost just as much in legal bills. And he wouldn't want to do anything that could damage his credit, so he'll just comply and complain bitterly about how I have caused this, I'm so unfair and treacherous.

LG: you are right. I am growing and changing, and I am certainly stronger than I was a year ago. I know what I can face now...and survive (with sanity intact). My job right now is to live each day the best that I can, be the best person I can be, and not dwell on the future. That last one's the kicker.

But life keeps happening.

Yesterday after school DS8's rat was experiencing labored breathing. Not a good sign after DS11's rat bit the dust. DS8 was all worried, asked me to bring the rat to the vet. Miraculously, the vet could get me in at 9 p.m. Not exactly thrilled about missing 24 but I have to do what I have to do and I will not let down DS8.

Luckily, my mom was here...I had a very early meeting today and she came to have dinner, then bring them to school in the AM. So she got the boys off to bed while I brought the rat to the vet...who gave a pretty grim prognosis, but gave her a couple of shots and sent me off with some antibiotics, and instructions to tell the boys that she's probably not long for this world.

DS8 was asleep by the time I got home, so his rat went back in the cage with a little prayer that she would make it til morning.

She didn't.

Rigor had already set in by the time we got to her this morning. And of course, I have this really early meeting, my mom has to drive the hour back home to teach...so poor DS8 has to go to school...and my mom has to drive him; I won't even get to see him off.

I could just shoot WH. He abandons his boys, then trying to be Mr. Disneyland dad (no Mickey Mouse pun intended), gives them pet rats, who die within 6 weeks. (Apparently it was some type of lung infection that is particularly contagious, the mom had it when the rats were babies, but was treated successfully) The D he so badly wants is going to end up costing him big time (hopefully his A is being honest with him about this). He's about to get red-flagged by the credit agencies, he's still living at his parent's house but paying the mortage on this house, and the only people who really want to have anything to do with him are fellow cheaters and his parents who still think they can reason him out of his adultery.

I truly hope that it begins to dawn on him that he can't do anything right. Even his attempts to be gracious backfire. Maybe God is trying to tell you something, WH.

In the words of Dr. Phil, "How's that working for you?"

Meanwhile, I'm taking care of the house and yard (which he can see), the boys are happy and secure with me, I'm earning more money, I'm not rolling over and playing dead on the D or CS, I'm going out and doing things with friends, I've developed a support system, and I'm taking the boys on adventures.

I still have my moments of anxiety and dispair, but I'm doing better. I'm absolutely determined to carve out a life for myself.

that stinks about the rats. i hope WH isn't insensitive enough to give those boys another one.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

you are doing great, btw.
i envy (in an admirable way) the way you are managing your anxiety.

Oh, nia...I am still anxious. More lately for some reason.

Yesterday at work I took a xanax! I have never done that at work (and only rarely take them at all), but it was so irritating and distracting...I couldn't concentrate for all the anxiety over....what??? Nothing! After I took it, I felt fine, concentrated on work, focused.

A glass of wine would have done fine, too, but I don't think they'd go for it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I was feeling axious today, too, until I got home and read meggy and LG's posts.

Don't ever underestimate the power of a supportive post... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sis,

Sorry to hear about the rat. These poor darn kids. How much should they really have to deal with?

You're doing well, keep your chin up.

Fox

Maybe you should go buy them another one from the pet store, one that will thrive. If the boys tell dad, oh well, he can just stick that in his pipe and smoke it. Who knows, he might start getting paranoid and thinking that everything he does lately turns out wrong. Hmmm? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

But YOU know that it's not your fault, and anyone that really cares about you knows that it's not your fault. YOU are doing everything you can.

Why should you worry about what these maroons think? He's an alien. A WS with a capital W and S. Try to stop thinking about what he's doing or thinking or whether he's won the latest skirmish. He is LOSING. There is no doubt about that. Thinking about him (how he will react, think, etc.) is a path to self-triggering, and that's not where you want to be.

LS:

Sorry about the rats.

What they represent is even worse.

And you said that the boys told you that the "Dog can come Home!"

How about: Rats go to WH House? And the dog stays there. He took him, and its a bother. So he wants to give it back.

Tough.

Not your problem.

I feel sorry for DS8. DS11 went to your Office when DS11 rat died. Try to find a suitable alternative for DS*.

And guess what, outside of a full frontal assault. Who cares what WH Thinks about the FOC order.

He will ask, through your attorney, if the payments he made from Oct to Feb count. Let your A handle it.

Go back to the garden.

Somethings growing.

And we reap what we sow..

LG

I thought SL had a great suggestion about downloading a book onto your IPOD for gardening work, etc. If the thoughts keep jumping into your head when your brain gets less active, keep your brain more active.

It is the beauty of Plan B that I don't have to deal with the FOC thing at all. The attorneys will work it all out in their own time in their own way...let WH sweat it out, it's not my problem.

I don't care what he thinks about it...I was simply pointing out the fact that undoubtedly WH will consider it MY fault (because everything IS) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

My friends and family that I've told just laugh OUTLOUD..."Ha ha ha serves him right!"

I am NOT getting new rats. For one thing, I'm not a big fan. I was accomodating the kids...it was NOT my idea to have rats in the first place. DS11 already told WH that he wants him to take back the rat that came home on Sunday. I think the boys are gun-shy on rats...understandable.

DS8 and I will do something special...he's not nearly as heartbroken as DS11 was, thank goodness.

The dog issue is something I have to give some thought to. The boys want P back, and probably will even more now that we have no rats. I wouldn't mind a dog, but I'm not going to make a hasty decision. I'll do what *I* want...what works best for THE BOYS AND I...NOT because it is convenient--or inconvenient--for WH.

If it were just me, I would get myself a new dog--one that I choose, one with no memories attached. But the boys--again, understandably--want "their" dog back.

See my dilemma?

eta: Boy, it's nice to be here in the dark quietude of Plan B, taking care of the yard and garden. My worries are diminishing...I'm taking control of my life!

Sis, sorry about the dang rats, that is just miserable.

The great thing about plan B...you can think what WH says, but you don't hear one word, not one. He is going to be talking to the wall soon, because nobody will want to hear it. RT will get tired of hearing about you and that is that.

Sis, I, too am enjoying my garden, and have noticed how HAPPY it looks this year. Everything looks so good right now, and *I* am making it happen, with my love for my home and pride in my home. WH probably thinks about it and doens't like not being a part of it. I don't really consider that as much as I consider how happy it makes me to drive in to my driveway every afternoon and see the pretty annuals and the emerging perrenials. It's all so lush and green, natural beauty. Peaceful.

I do like Plan B now, more than ever before.

I second meggy's notion of Rat Shopping.

"The dog issue is something I have to give some thought to. The boys want P back, and probably will even more now that we have no rats. I wouldn't mind a dog, but I'm not going to make a hasty decision. I'll do what *I* want...what works best for THE BOYS AND I...NOT because it is convenient--or inconvenient--for WH."

Hello. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This 'dog' is your baby, remember? (ignoring the 'rat' thing because rats are just an excuse to own an animal in my book. Keep them in a cage. Feed them unless one forgets.)

But a DOG? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Darling, you threw a fit (months ago) about this dog. Remember that?

So now you'd rather 'get yourself a new dog'?

And leave your dog to be 'adopted' by someone? Because the idiot and you are now fighting via lawyers?

The fact is that your idiot WH may be considering giving up the dog because he IS NOT going to buy the house with the 'big back yard'. He's a little smarter after the doggone court hearing.....and he now realizes that his finances are going to be severely affected.

Maybe 'they' now know that they can't buy a house and the only apartments they qualify for do *not* accept dogs over 40 pounds. Think that doesn't exist??? Well, it does. Ms-designer-dog-from-****** has a 'little' dog.


I don't agree with this, Sis.

What about your girl????

UGH.

Ignore 'what's good for him'.

Take your dog if you can.

Good job on everything else, BTW. I am here and I am pulling for you!!!!!

YOU are the only one thinking rationally here.

<smile>

But.........please, please, please don't give up your darling girl in order to prove a point to that [censored]. TAKE HER BACK!