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#1854086 04/01/07 06:12 AM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 24
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I spent last night on our couch as a result of issues my unfaithfulness has caused in my marriage. I seek your assistance in dealing with a situation in my life that has recently come to my attention, I suffer from sex addiction and that I have been in active addiction all my life. I found the Sex and Love Addicts website and have sought help from them by joining their online Yahoo! Group. There is unfortunately no group meetings I am able to find at this time in area where I live.

Can you direct to a place or person where I can receive help for this issue? I am prepared to travel anywhere for any period of time necessary in order to get the help I need. I am willing to pay for the room, food and board of a qualified person to come to my area to assist me. I am motivated and I want help. I understand that I must get and I am willing to do what ever I need in order to get that help.

My history with my wife has put me in a place where I am no longer trusted. What do you think about if I add my wife to my email server so she automatically receives a copy of all emails I send?

I have in my database many women. Some of these woman are business contacts and some are not. How do I purge my database? Do I purge my database?

Do you have any homework assignments I can do to help this situation?

I have spoke with my partners and cancelled all travel plans of any kind for the next ninety days in order to be able to stay put and focus on my issues and our marriage. Do you have any other suggestions?

I have been brutally honest with my wife, advising her of inbound phone calls from any women, what they did and do mean to me, and have shown her all email communications. I have clearly, once again by doing so, upset her a great deal. She has red an email from a woman who was trying to initiate a sexual conversation with to which I did not respond.

Do you have any suggestions of how best to communicate or what is the correct course of action on my part when a woman reaches out to me, that I had sexual feelings for?


domesticated

Just for today: Loving relationships are within my reach. Today, I will examine the effects of addiction on my relationships so that I can begin seeking recovery.
Joined: Jan 2006
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Purge all email contacts of women who are not business contacts.

Do not contact them again. For any reason. In the future, you should not have any reason to begin a relationship with a woman except for business. Your wife is the only woman who is a "friend" type of woman, and she alone should hold that position with you. Your friends from now on are all male.

If a woman reaches out to you who you had sexual feelings for, do not respond. Sounds simple, I know, but that is the course of action - which is NO CONTACT.

Just because you have "feelings" does not mean you should act on them. "Feelings" can be wrong - feelings are not the correct driving force of the universe. Here's why:

I see a snake in my backyard. I scream, because my initial "feeling" is fear.

Right of me?

Not necessarily!

That particular type of snake could be completely harmless and in fact beneficial.


Feelings can also mislead you - and there are people who count on this. Consider con men who use your feelings of trust, greed, and even love to get money from you.

Feelings are just too unstable to build decisions on. There has to be more.


And from the look of it, you've made some pretty bad decisions based on fleeting "feelings". Now, your marriage and future are in jeopardy because of this.

Read this website. And also, confess the other affairs to your wife.

SB

Joined: Mar 2007
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Thanks for the suggestions.


domesticated

Just for today: Loving relationships are within my reach. Today, I will examine the effects of addiction on my relationships so that I can begin seeking recovery.
Joined: Jan 2000
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If you are serious about traveling "anywhere" for treatment, one of the best recognized centers for sex addiction (among other things) is The Meadows.

Quote
The Meadows in Wickenburg Arizona is one of the world's top treatment centres for addictions, both substance(alcohol, drugs, food etc) and process (gambling, work, sex, internet etc) and childhood abuse. The Institute is conducted by Pat Mellody and Pia Mellody (author of bestsellers "Facing Codependency" and "Facing Love Addiction". The Meadows places a strong emphasis on successful twelve step programs. Their website often carries many excellent articles on addictions and relationships. Staff include Dr John Bradshaw, Patrick Carnes and Claudia Black who all contribute articles to The Meadows web site. If you have the money for the air fare this is one of the greatest gifts you could give yourself.
Website http://www.themeadows.org

Patrick Carnes has also written some very good books you might check out.

Good luck


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