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#1858393 04/12/07 06:08 AM
Joined: Apr 2007
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I caught my husband talking to his old ex-gf Beth when I asked him several times not to. There was some inapproperiate stuff going on between them,nothing sexual that I know of as he deleted their emails and text messages. They were talking quite a bit over the phone. It seems to me it was an emotional affair.

Then I found several membership acct emails in his email box for online porn chat sites. He was looking for a woman/women to have erotic chats with. When I questioned him about it he said he was just putting some "bait" out there to see what kind of response he would get. The most recent one was in Feb/March 2007.

He ended up leaving me and the kids because I couldnt get over it and kept feeling hurt over what he did. He doesnt think it's a big deal. He said he has done nothing wrong and refuses to acknowledge that what he did has the potential to hurt. He thinks I'm being difficult and want to run stuff in the ground. I cant help it, I'm hurting and everytime I look at him I want to cry.

He calls me crazy,psycho,obbessive and jealous. I started going thru his email and forwarding the member acct emails to myself and I started noticing his mail count was going down fast. He was deleting the emails while at his dad's in an effort to cover his tracks. He said he doesnt want me to have anything againist him. He also changed the password to his email accts and myspace.

He doesnt want to do counseling now because he said all it's going to do is drag up this "crap" again and he doesnt want to hear it anymore. He said he agrees to not talk to Beth so I'll stop nagging,and that he wont go to those sites because he doesnt want me freaking out again. He said he doesnt see the point in therapy as if he agrees to stop then that should be the end of it. He doesnt see that there was problems beforehand that caused him to do all this. He expects me to take his word that he wont do it again,and get over stuff just like that. How is that possible when I feel so hurt,betrayed and that our trust is shot?

And why doesnt he see what he did was wrong? Why is is ok for him to do this? Even his family is saying that it wasnt that bad,and he didnt cheat on me. They kept saying you're a good man she's lucky to have you. Pretty much making it my fault for everything. They always do this,always meddling. That drives me nuts too. I dont just "battle" my husband, I "battle" his whole overly zealous family. That alone is enough to make me want to seperate just to get away from them.

I have read articles,posts on here but I still dont know what to do. I thought I was moving in the right direction only to find out I wasnt. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you!

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How about your family and friends...what do they say???
Get allies and do your battle plan!! He will continue in denial and make you appear as the psycho BW.


Me- BW 47 Him- WWH 49 2 daughters/ 21 & 15 D-DAY - 3/5/07 PLAN A ONGOING "ONLY TWO DEFINING FORCES HAVE OFFER TO DIE FOR YOU; JESUS CHRIST AND THE AMERICAN SOLDIER. ONE DIED FOR YOUR SOUL, THE OTHER FOR YOU FREEDOM!!"
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of course his family is going to stick up for him, he is their interest, their "blood" The problem is, even if he is buying dollar lotto tickets, if its bothering you and he keeps doing it then he has no respect for what is upsetting you. If he is online checking out erotic sites then he is taking his time away from you. I agree, couseling does bring up stuff that was never settled. This is what counseling does, lays the cards on the table and digs to the root of the problem and gets things settled and sets boundries so things don't turn up side down again. If he cares about the marriage he will do what you wish. He is the one that left, why? couldn't man up? I commend you for knowing what your boundries are. Don't give in, this is where you are demanding respect. so what if someone says its not cheating, it will lead to that if the boundries are not set now, besides, I think it is cheating, where does cheating end and begin? does it start in the mind? or is it only sex? don't be a door mat. You know who you are and what you want. keep it that way.


Me-49 and staying there, course AARP sent me my card ugh
H-49
DD and SIL
GS the light of my life! 1 and a half, full of you know what
DS med school
always working on me
The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. Ghandi
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I would go to counseling alone if he won't go. There are lots of problems in your marriage, and you can learn how to change so that he has to change.

A husband shouldn't be on myspace, shouldn't be writing to women, shouldn't be viewing porn, shouldn't be having his family side against his wife, shouldn't have secrets.

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Honestly, I think if you do some snooping, I think you will find he has met one or more of his online "friends" and is having an affair with her.

He would not have left home unless he has someone to go to.


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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He's spewing fog talk and his family is cranking up the fog machine along with him. It's cheating, even if he keeps his pants on and his zucchini wrapped up in his pockets. He's casting out bait, how does that fool even know that the women he is posting to are not psycho bunny boilers, or even that they are women?
I agree with Big Kahuna; they don't leave home unless someone is offering a place to tie up his boat.

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just a little hint - deleted txt messages can be retrieved through the use of a SIM card reader. These are relatively inexpensive. I used mine with great success and was happy to find nothing out of the ordinary. The sim card reader also gives you access to the phone book, emails sent through the phone, etc. The fuuny thing is most people believe the messages disappear after they delete them. They remain on the SIm card until the Sim card is filled up, at which time they start to write over the deleted files. Awsome tool, make sure you get one that comes with the reader and a disk for installation. Another method which I also used is if you do not have enough time to dio the sim reader you can remove the sim card from his phone and place it into yours. The only drawback to this is you cannot access any of the deleted messages or numbers. Hope this helps and best of luck. BTW, my husband has nicknamed me Inspector Gadget! : )


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