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Hi, I am new and have been reading all the great information and advise offered here! My husband had (?) an affair, and claims it's over. The OW, is a co-worker, and they see eachother almost on a daily basis. The rumors at his place of work (Hospital - he is an M.D.) had been going on for months. When I confronted him with a Valentine's card from the OW, he said that he did have an affair with a woman, but it is not the one I say! When I asked who it was; he said he would not tell me! So, I asked him why the rumors with that specific nurse, and his reply was that "people are mean!"...
She is married, and a close acquaintance; the last 3 times I've seen her, she has turned away from me... I wonder why?? I am in such pain.. .we have been married for 20yrs., and the ups and downs were always money related; but now this! How can I know if is truly over? How can I trust him again? Why does he refuse to tell me the OWs name? - if is not the one that all the rumors and gossip say?? Why protect her? I believe that I should tell her husband; but all I have is rumors and a Valentine's card with no signature!


Me- BW 47 Him- WWH 49 2 daughters/ 21 & 15 D-DAY - 3/5/07 PLAN A ONGOING "ONLY TWO DEFINING FORCES HAVE OFFER TO DIE FOR YOU; JESUS CHRIST AND THE AMERICAN SOLDIER. ONE DIED FOR YOUR SOUL, THE OTHER FOR YOU FREEDOM!!"
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Do you have any kids?


M2L

ME BH 36 - FWW 33
2 kids
DDAY May 06


Sometimes waywards can be like Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
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If you're wondering whether it's truly over, then it probably isn't. Him keeping secrets from you and refusing to tell you who the affair partner was are also signs that the affair is still ongoing. Has he actually told you that it's over?

Have you read about Plan A? Have you read the jumpstart guides at the top of the Just Found Out board?

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Thanks Maybe and sdguy!
Yes, I have 2 daughters (21 & 15).
And yes, he has told me that it is over....but they see eachother at work everyday! Today, I am meeting with her at the park near my house. We have known eachother for years and the last 3 times I saw her she turned away from me! and when I went looking for her, she never made an effort to contact me to ask me why I was looking for her!!Obviously, she knew!!
So there's a lot to answer........let's see what happens.


Me- BW 47 Him- WWH 49 2 daughters/ 21 & 15 D-DAY - 3/5/07 PLAN A ONGOING "ONLY TWO DEFINING FORCES HAVE OFFER TO DIE FOR YOU; JESUS CHRIST AND THE AMERICAN SOLDIER. ONE DIED FOR YOUR SOUL, THE OTHER FOR YOU FREEDOM!!"
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Thanks Wonderman!!!
The input in your kind post was very good. I finally had the nerve to call the OW (since I known her for years). Before the affair was known, I noticed she evaded me; and when I went to see her (she was off that day) everybody in the Hospital knew why I was looking for her! It spread like wildfire, and for having known eachother for such long time, my first reaction of a clean conscience would have been to call me up and ask me why I was looking for her...But she didn't. Why? because there is something to hide!! So, yesterday I called her up on her cell and she kept asking me who I wanted to talk to; pretending that she was not her! She also asked me my name 3 times during the beginning of our conversation and after the 3rd time she started to babble... she even sounded like she was about to burst crying! I told her I needed to talk to her, and after more babble and stutter, she asked if it could be done by phone...which I said NO, it had to be in person! (Again, she's known me for years, a clean conscience reply would have been: well, (my name) why do
need to talk to me?) but nothing like that was offered, instead she sounded very nervous. We agreed on the date and
time, which is today!!! I have many questions that need answers, especially why she has evaded me? and why didn't she contact me, when such rumors (about her having an affair with my husband, and that I went there looking for her!)were flying everywhere
So my ground zero is set and the questions ready!!! We'll see what happens!! but my gut instinct tells me, she's already realized there's nowhere to hide anymore!

Good luck. If the affair is still ongoing, you will need to expose it. Even if it's over, you should probably tell her husband. Be prepared for the infidels to lie to you. Let us know how it goes with the OW.

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look through all phone & credit card records

put a GPS on his car

hire a PI

.... you need to know for sure

Pep

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I don't know what it would take for me to believe that my WS affair is over. I was in a similar situation, while WS was cheating on me (before I really knew), I had suspicions WS was having an affair or feelings (something!) for another coworker. He wasn't. It was someone I would of never expected, for so many reasons, but I would ask WS about fooling around with this other woman, and he would deny... quite easily since it was another woman, and not the one I accused. He never wanted to correct me, and say - no its not J its K. - I just made it easier to lie, and he hid behind the girl (he wasnt cheating with) to keep the identity of the real affair away from me.

He never did tell me, I found text messages. So I would dig and do all you can to find out the truth.

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as long as there is contact, there is still an affair.

Get proof and expose to his employer and his family. Start reading Surviving an Affair (you can get it at Barnes and Noble or on this site).


~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
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How did the meeting with the alleged OW go?

Do whatever you have to do to get solid evidence. Otherwise he'll just accuse you of being a crazy, jealous wife.

And Bramble is right about contact, the affair will live as long as contact exists.

Best wishes,
SD


BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04

***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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It is obviously the nurse that people are suspecting. He doesn't want to tell you that because he is afraid you will expose at work (which you should do), and to her husband (do that too!!!).

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HELLO EVERYONE!!
I met with the OW and just as expected.LIES< LIES< LIES...
The reason she gave me for not contacting me was that he had told her not to get involved and that she did not know the situation was that serious (as for him actually having an affair with someone!)
I am going to contact her husband!!! WILL KEEP YOU POSTED!!


Me- BW 47 Him- WWH 49 2 daughters/ 21 & 15 D-DAY - 3/5/07 PLAN A ONGOING "ONLY TWO DEFINING FORCES HAVE OFFER TO DIE FOR YOU; JESUS CHRIST AND THE AMERICAN SOLDIER. ONE DIED FOR YOUR SOUL, THE OTHER FOR YOU FREEDOM!!"
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It sounds like you're sure it's her, but you should get solid evidence, as recommended above. I don't think that should stop you from contacting her husband and asking some simple questions, though.

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I have been very depressed lately, I feel like I am doing all the work. He acts as nothing has happened and by telling me his daily schedule or where he is going, thinks that takes care of the problem!(Also, I do not trust him!!, he can tell me he is going to church and I would still have doubts!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> He has NO clue on how much misery he has caused me! Yes I’m angry. I’m very angry and try very hard to keep it inside and not put pressure on my H.
Is it fair to expect me to pretend everything is fine, fake a smile, fill his EN like the A never happened? I know that’s what he wants…
I just need proof that he can be honest with me… that he tells me all and NO more half truths..! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />


Me- BW 47 Him- WWH 49 2 daughters/ 21 & 15 D-DAY - 3/5/07 PLAN A ONGOING "ONLY TWO DEFINING FORCES HAVE OFFER TO DIE FOR YOU; JESUS CHRIST AND THE AMERICAN SOLDIER. ONE DIED FOR YOUR SOUL, THE OTHER FOR YOU FREEDOM!!"
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Keep snooping. They get more careful when they know you suspect something. Can you put a GPS in his car?

When you have proof, contact the other woman's husband. That will most likely end the affair.

They all want to pretend nothing happened and just move on. All that does is prepare them for the next affair.

If you get too depressed, see you doc for anti-D's. They really help.

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If you can then wait until you have more/better evidence. Your best bet at wrecking this affair is by exposing to her husband but as is they can both deny deny deny!

Even if they meet at work and even if they have their rendezvous in some broom closet in the Burn Ward then they probably don’t communicate a lot at work. So when and how do they talk? It’s very common that lovers talk on their mobiles to and from work so I strongly suggest you get a voice activated digital recorder and place in his car. You want a digital one – not one with a tape.

You hide it in the pocket behind the driver’s seat, under the seat in the upholstery or find some other good spot to put it. Experiment in the car if you can otherwise do so in your car. Might need two but they are relatively cheap (anything from $20-$60). I bet you will have your proof in a couple of days.

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soyestadista,

If you can, get a GPS and put it in the car. On one thread here they said it will tell you down to the street address where the car went and how long it was there. The one they used had a strong magnet and she stuck it out of site on the outside of the car. Under the bumper maybe? You just need to make sure the GPS is stuck to metal.

I wish I would have known about a GPS sooner. I would have had more proof and avoided months of the “we’re just friends” crap.

Good Luck! Let us know how you are doing.


troubled_water
BS/ (me)
WS/(H) EA 3+ yrs?, PA 1 yr?
D-Day 2006
children grown

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