I am 54 years old and have been married 33.5 years. Last month my H told me he wanted a divorce. I don't meet his needs i.e. emotional, sexual, physical needs. We have 5 children, the youngest 14 is still in the home, the next youngest is 19.
I feel like I was blindsided here. I had begun to feel there were problems but not any that could not be solved with counseling. He refused to do marital counseling, we are going to divorce counseling.
He said he wants to be free, he is afraid he will never get to do things he wants to do.
I guess in my head I accept his desire to end our marriage; in my heart I wish he would give it another year.
He accuses me of being hostile, yet he always gives me the impression he is already ready for a fight, and we never fought before.
I feel I am in the Twilight Zone here.
Anyone have any input? Texans with advice about divorce in Texas.
I have never had a career. Being his wife for 33 years was my career, raising our children was my career. He was in the military for 20 years, an officer. His current job requires he travel 3 weeks a month. I have felt I should be home for the chilren and him when he was home.
I am going to get certified to teach this year. So I can support myself. My salary will never equal what his is now. He makes more than double what I can make as a teacher.

Texasgirl
Me 54
soon to be ex 53
s30,s29, d25,d19,s14

My advice is to talk to a lawyer now. Before you get your certification. Most likely, you'll be entitled to spousal support, but I'm not sure.

I'm sorry you were so blindsided, and that your husband is unwilling to go to counseling. I think divorce counseling may be helpful though, especially if it helps you understand what went wrong and when.

Many hugs.

Thanks for posting. We both have lawyers now. I hired one first and started to ball rolling for the divorce, in fact it should have been filed last week. I did the research for certification to teach, but haven't started. I am concerned about how it will affect spousal support that Texas has. I am just holding on until the divoce is really moving.

Texasgirl

TG - Your lawyer will probably file a motion for temp orders. These are the legal parameters regarding how you and your H will live your lives. Who remains in the house, who gets use of what vehicle, where the kids will live, etc... The D could take as long as 8-12 months or longer and the courts feel that you will need a framework to live under during that time to protect the both of you. Your certification could likely be affected by those, since the temp orders sort of set the tone for how much of the final decree will look.

That taken care of, you said that you don't want this D and that you desire a chance to work things out, yet you were the one filed and "got the ball rolling" so to speak. Do you see how this could be construed as counterintuitive to saving the M?

Is your H having an affair? Are you certain one way or the other? There are certainly a LOT of red flags.

He had an affair 14 years ago and there is a childe of that affair. I thought we had improved things since, but just when I felt things were good, I found love letters to him from another woman. in '99. Then in March I found an email from another woman that was intimate. So much as I love him I am tired of the constant infidelity. It appears these happen everytime he gets unhappy at work and he looks for things that I am doing that don't make him happy. I know that I have made mistakes, but the problems in our relationship could have been fixed if we both acknowledged we are both responsible. He is only worried about himself. He has 10 years left to do things he hasn't done and believes I won't support him doing them.
So I am letting him go.

Texasgirl