I watched a new series on TV last night called “State of Mind”. I know this is fictional, but part of one scene really socked me between the eyes. There was a scene where a MC was seeing a couple who were having problems. Apparently, she wasn’t getting through to them because they kept coming back with the same old stuff. The thing is, the day before their session, she had discovered her husband (not counseling) with THEIR MC. (Only on TV <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />) Anyway, here’s a transcript from what she said to them (out of her own pain):
“Here we go. You know, if I had to live with either one of you, I’d cut my throat. Really, honest to God. When you two get divorced, which seems inevitable, do the right thing. Don’t remarry. I can’t help you.
What is it with you people? I mean you have looks, you have luck, you have IQs over 75, no apparent physical disabilities, but all you do is piss and moan about how you deserve better. You don’t deserve better.
Of course she doesn’t want to sleep with you, you’re like an ice cube all day. Wild turkeys do a better job at foreplay. Of course he doesn’t listen to you. Not one kind or supportive word comes out of your mouth.
What do you think? Marriage is easy? It’s not. It’s not easy. You’re in a little life boat, in a big cold ocean. And there you both are, too lazy to row. Too selfish to do one inch more than your share. And there’s a hole in the boat, and what do you do? You fix it. No, you fix it. I fixed it the last time. It’s your fault. No it’s your fault.
Believe me. It’s not the other person’s fault. It’s your’s. Do you offer the other a hand? Do you row when the other one gets tired. Do you forgive? Do you apologize? Because everybody needs to apologize, a lot! For our mistakes. For our accidental cruelties. For the ways in which we disappoint each other all the time.
No, you just sit there. Co-captains of the of the whats-in-it-for-me team, waiting for someone else, apparently waiting for the marriage fairy to fix it. There is no marriage fairy people! You either help each other or the marriage dies. And then there you are. Two more people treading water alone and cold and wondering what went wrong.
Shut up about your needs. Shut up about the past. Do more. Give more. Give what you never got. Love each other more than you deserve.”
What really “got” me was the part that she said about apologizing… a lot. This has been a bone of contention throughout my marriage. My DH has always apologized and he says I never do. I’ve always had the attitude of, oh yeah, you’re sorry AGAIN. When it came my turn to apologize I never would. I have always had the attitude that saying I’m sorry… goes without saying (when it came to me) because he should know I was sorry.
I’m sure some reading this right now are saying, “Well duh!” This has just never occurred to me before. It really hit home with me and I’m going to make a conscious effort to say “I’m sorry” when I’m wrong. Well duh!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
