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Joined: Jul 2007
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BigPaul Offline OP
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well im new here and have looked around at some of the Q&A and really havent seen anything to help me so i thought id post here

Me and my wife were married in october 2006, before that we`ve been together on and off 5 years, we are 24 years old

the problem is we are always fighting about taking care of the house and chores, my wife is a messy person, even more so recently and i try my best to keep the house clean and pick up after her but sometimes it just gets to be too much and we end up in a fight.
It seems im the only one to cook, clean and do laundry while she comes home from work or spends her days off laying around watching tv, Currently im on medical leave from work after having knee surgery from a nasty fall so while me being home all day she says she shouldnt have to do anything, at all, sence shes the one working but things were this way while i was working a fulltime job, im suppose to be recovering, ive even asked her just to help make things easier on me by not leaving her clothes all over the house and helping with laundry so i dont have to climb the stairs that im not supposed to be on but she refuses or promises daily but never does, then we end up in fights and me just asking her to not make messes that make it harder on me but she doesnt want to here it and says i dont do anything around the house at all

is asking for some team work asking too much?

sometimes i dont know how much longer we are going to make it

Last edited by BigPaul; 07/22/07 10:53 AM.
Joined: Oct 2006
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Paul, been there, done that. When we had our first kid it was like that. I like a clean, neat house and she is the slob. Cups left out, no coasters, clothes/towels on floor, etc. We would also fight, alot. She has been a stay at home mom since 1.5 yrs after we got married, now 14yrs.

After a year I gave up on that fight. She is a great mother and I figured that this is just the way it is going to be........still is. I get frustrated every once in a while, but I look at what i got.

Bite your tounge, pick up after her sometimes, but ALWAYS pick up your own stuff. You can't yell at her if you have ANYTHING out that shouldn't be.

Just wait until you have kids, wow! There will be crap from one end to the other. Don't get mad. It is the way she is, and I bet you knew that before you married her. Don't change her, help her.

Take care, your not alone.


DDay 9.10.11
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Quote
my wife is a messy person, even more so recently and i try my best to keep the house clean and pick up after her but sometimes it just gets to be too much and we end up in a fight.
It seems im the only one to cook, clean and do laundry while she comes home from work or spends her days off laying around watching tv, Currently im on medical leave from work after having knee surgery from a nasty fall so while me being home all day she says she shouldnt have to do anything, at all, sence shes the one working

Oh. Well, all my wife knows how to do with a car is to turn the key or occasionally put gas in it if the gauge says "E". But that doesn't mean that I let her walk if the brakes go bad.

We each have our strengths & weaknesses.

Mrs. O & I can both kick some serious butt in the kitchen, and the neighbors need a smoke wen we're done upstairs. But Mrs. O is lousy with organizing stuff, so I'm kinda the "de-clutterer" of the household. And I suppose that there may be some area in which she compensates for one of my shortcomings. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

If you look around honestly, is there some area in which she carries more weight? Or is it really all that one-sided? And if so, can you talk about it & work thru it all?


"It's a jungle out there, kiddies. Have a very fruitful day." -- Jimmy Buffett
Joined: Oct 2006
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Come on Paul! I acutally could help in this situation, but you have to give some feedback. Dan has a great point, we don't always see what they do for us.

Let us or this site help you, don't piss away something good!

PS- Dan - Did you have "fun" Sunday. I used my smoker to make some pulled beef, took 14 hrs to smoke. You must have had a good time then......;)
Great advise Dan, two thumbs up!


DDay 9.10.11
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Have you read the Basic Concepts? How high on your list of Emotional Needs is Domestic Support? What would it take for your wife to enthusiastically agree to better housekeeping? What does she feel she is doing that you don't see?

Have you read Policy of Joint Agreement?

The Q&A section is good, but you need to really read the Basic Concepts and Articles as well. When you put the entire program to work, it helps. An important part is learning to avoid LoveBusters like selfish demands. Are you by any chance demanding she clean up? Oh, and not picking up after yourself falls under the LoveBuster "Annoying Habits." You may need to calmly tell her that when she doesn't clean up her dishes, leaves her dirty clothes on the floor, etc, it hurts your love for her. Most likely she won't like hearing that. Most of us want to believe that romantic love is unconditional and that our spouses could and should love us no matter what we do and no matter how we treat them. Doesn't work that way.


Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15

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