Ill start by saying that no affairs were had. I had a huge suspicion that one had, but will unfortunately never know the truth.

November 2006, W calls me at work and asks to see me. I agree as we were still on good terms. She stops by and delivers the fatal news that starts my questioning of her faithfulness, she has been told and was confirmed she contracted an STD. This conveniently happens after a argument in which she left for the night and did not return till later the next day. Strike one.

August 2007, I hear a rumor of her having cheated on me. strike 2. source is a very personal friend of mine.

August 2007 (same day as strike 2) I recieve a voicemail from an anonamous caller saying and I quote "Hey, I just wanted to talk to the man whose wife I am F'ing. Wish you woulda picked up so we could talk." Strike 3.

After strike 2 I decided to put a voice recorder in a vehicle I own, but let her borrow until she got her own. She finds out and I am humiliated and made out to be a horrible person. She asks for divorce, and here we are.

Would any of you given these circumstances done the same thing? Are there any legal issues involved? She threatened lawsuit, but I do not know much about the law.

If she had nothing to hide, she wouldn't have been mad.

If she ain't got the recorder, then there is no evidence for a suit.

She filed for divorce to cover for her shame.

Welcome to my world as mine did the same except mine tried to get OM to kill me.

AdamRemick,

Sorry need more info. How long have you been M'd?
Any kids? Is this yours and her first M?
What was the state of your M prior to this?
Lastly, and you don't have to answer this, which STD did your W contract? It makes a difference medically speaking.

Could you fill in all the blanks?

All blessings,
Jerry

Adam,
I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation but I'm glad you found MB.

I don't agree. I believe your suspicion was true, your concerns and actions valid.

The legality of the recorder? I'm not sure I guess depends on what state you live in. The recorder was yours and was in your car. I don't think she has much of a case. If you had obtained proof of A you probably couldn't use that info in court if she was recorded without permission. I used a voice activated recorder to get info on my WH. He didn't find it and I captured a meeting w/ WH & OW. It confirmed my gut feeling. I hired a PI to get objective 3rd party varification, in case of D.

I'm happy to say I never filed. We rode out the bumpy road w/ the assist of MB. We are now in recovery and our M is better then ever.

What do you want? Do you want to save your M? How long have you been M? Any kids? How old? How was your M prior to A? (Yes, I believe A is on)

Have you ever heard the best defense is a strong offense? WS know that script well, turn things around blame BS. What is your plan? Have you done plan A? This all sounds very new. Please post details so we can help.

Threats from a WS should be expected, however what can also be expected is that she will rarely follow through with them.

I placed a voice recorder in my WW car to confirm her A.

You have nothing to be humilitated about and in time she will most likely see that her actions were humiliating...not yours.

You did nothing wrong.

Sorry to say this, but she it sounds as though there was an A based on what you have stated.

What do you want out of this?

Adam,

I think that your wife quite possibly had a one-night-stand, which by the way still qualifies as an affair.

It also sounds like OM was/is a real low life, scuz bucket.

I can't say more without more information re your sitch, but she got caught and is probably embarrassed and now thinks a divorce may be the only solution.

What do you want at this point?

Who

She asks for divorce = a typical idle threat from a WS in order to stop you from further snooping so you won't catch her in her affair

Now the question is: DID IT WORK?

Did you fall for the ruse?

In short, you are being PLAYED. Like a FIDDLE.

Dr.Harley:

"For an unfaithful spouse to engage in an affair without detection, two separate lives must be created, one for the lover and one for the spouse. A certain amount of dishonesty is required in both of them, but the major deception is with the spouse.

So one of the most common clues of an affair is an unwillingness to let a spouse investigate all aspects of life. If two lives are necessary for an affair, and if a spouse is curious enough, the secret second life is relatively easy to discover. Difficulty in getting a spouse to talk about events of the day can be a sign of trying to hide the second life.

One of the most common smoke-screens used by unfaithful spouses is to express shock that their spouse would be so distrusting as to ask questions about their secret second life. They try to make it seem as if such questions are an affront to their dignity, and a sign of incredible disrespect. They figure that the best defense is a good offense, and so they try to make their spouses feel guilty about asking too many questions.

I am a firm believer in letting each spouse do as much snooping around as they want. Nothing should be kept secret in marriage, and no questions should be left unanswered. If a spouse objects to such scrutiny, what might he or she be hiding?

The only open threat my wife ever made was to divorce me and that she did.

So far, it's not what she expected as I didn't roll over and play dead.

Post deleted by shinethrough

Adam:

I read your other threads here.

Your W is in an Affair.

She also has an STD.

And her boyfriend calls to taunt you.

Those are three strikes, your OUT!

Did you save the voice mail?

You can get the police to subpoena the phone company and the number of the person who called you.

You should also review all the cellphone bills. The number might be right there.

Your 23, she's 22.

DECIDE if this is the life you want.

Your W will continue to drift from A to A.

She is no longer the sweet innocent 17 year old that you started dating and married later. She is now a Wayward Wife.

Time to "Man UP"

Get the info on the other man.

Call him up.

Then start Plan A'ing your W.

LG

Hey LG, how do you know his and her ages? I don't see that info posted anywhere.

Chris:

He posted here: AR's Emotional Needs thread

In the Emotional Needs thread.

More info there.

LG

Well, whatever is done is done. She still swears to it that nothing ever happened, which I am doubting. Either way she asked for a D last night and her main reason was that I had no trust. I question it one time in 6 years and she panics and runs......big surprise.

I thank all of you that participated in this thread and reassured me that my actions, which may be wrong to some, were still justifiable. She doesnt feel that way, but she hasnt ever put herself in my shoes to truly understand how everything pointed to an affair. BLIND! My closest friends and father all said "Sorry for what happened, but after nearly 6 months of that, you will be better off." Lets hope!!

She can go get the D and you don't have to help her.

She had or is having an A. Right now, even if it is only in her head.

Btw, that message you received. Did you get any more? Do you have a call back #?

Read SAA and Love must be tough. Learn about plans A & B.

Then call Jennifer C @ MB for some phone counseling. You are doing ok but will do better with proper support.

Secure your finances. The OM is a jerk. Expose.

Do you have children?

L.

Adam,

Please read the following.

Hope for Couples in Crisis

To implement this plan it will take self confidence, denial of self gratification, maturity and a bulldoggedness to stick to the plan regardless of your TEMPORARY fleeting emotions.

How can she miss you if you never go away?

Your WW is gone, you have absolutely nothing left to lose except your self respect.

Best of luck

The legality of any recorder depends on the state and the circumstances surrounding it's placement.

For example...it was YOUR car. The "recorder" could be a part of your survellance and alarm systme especially if you claim the car is a business vehicle as employers can survellance their employees all they want in most jurisdictions.

Best blanket defense is to say "what recorder?". As long as your voice isn't stupidly on it as you set it up...you can deny it's yours and no prosecutor is going to go after the husband wife wiretapping case without an admission of guilt/confession. Maybe she planted the recorder to step you up figuring it would help her divorce case.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - I snooped ...and my wife is now HAPPY that I did. Think of it this way...would you care if she did it to you. It makes no sense to divorce you over this. Her anger will reside...read up here...keep this place your secret for the time and the fine people here will guide you through recovering from your wife's affair. Getting the truth on your own ...FIRST..was a tremendously good decision by you...gettin' caught...not so much.

Does she say how she contracted the STD? That would be a fun question.

My thoughts exactly Big K.
Adam, there are only two possibilities of how she contracted an STD. Either she got it from you(and I don't know your background) or from sexual contact from OM. You do understand that right?

Yet in your first post you state there has never been an A. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Did I misunderstand that or is there something you seem to be blinded to?

Sorry you are here, but 5 mos. out of the house in such a young M only indicates to me that she needed more space from you so she could continue her A unimpeded.

You have more than enough proof at this point to conclude your WW is(or certainly had) an A with someone else. Sorry if that come as a shock to you, but ther is IMHO, no denying it at this point. The STD alone should be more than enough. I know, it's how I discovered my W's A.

You need to find OM and expose! Good chance he's M and this is why your WW chooses to live in an apartment. Leaves him free to see her whenever he can slip away from his W(scumbag that he is).

I wish you good luck with this, listen to others here who know what they see.

All Blessings,
Jerry

Nothing has been "done." Only talk.


Asking for and getting are different things. First off, she doesn't have to "ask" you for a divorce. She can go get one. Only go by her ACTIONS, because TALK IS CHEAP.

Just let her know you won't be cooperating in any divorce schemes. Make her do all the work.


Of course you don't trust her. That would be stupid. She gave you an STD and her stud called you up and exposed the affair. She is untrustworthy so it would be insane trust her.

Divorcing you for "not trusting her" when she is UNTRUSTWORTHY is a manipulation tactic to trick you into SILENCE. She is trying to make you feel there is something wrong with not trusting her. AND YOU FELL FOR IT.

You are being played by a con artist, my friend.