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Joined: Dec 2003
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thanks. i suspect you know what i am saying.

have a good weekend.

Last edited by FinallyLrningT2H; 09/05/07 07:32 PM.
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Hey, no problem. I DO know what you are saying.

I did have a good weekend... well, my 11 month old is pretty sick with an ear infection, but it didn't stop me from enjoying some time with my family.

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Glad to hear you had a good weekend, mine was good too.

I hope your little one is feeling better now.

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I will probably regret asking this, but I think it EVERYTIME I see a group of FWSs come together in an "us vs them" situation, so I'm gonna put it out there...I always marvel at those situations because personally I would question myself when I looked around and saw the company that I was keeping...I would think, 'Hmmm...there are a lot of us FWSs whining together...we were for sure wrong at least once in our thinking...perhaps there is something still amiss there!' And then I would go and run whatever it was that had me up in arms past Mr. W, my mom, my counselor and other trusted friends...I CONSTANTLY monitor my own thinking to make damn sure that I NEVER go down a wrongheaded, wayward path again...And I don't just mean wayward in terms of infidelity either...I mean in ALL aspects of my life...I am curious if you guys do this...looking from the outside in it doesn't seem so...Why not? Just "wondering"...

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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Quote
I CONSTANTLY monitor my own thinking to make damn sure that I NEVER go down a wrongheaded, wayward path again...And I don't just mean wayward in terms of infidelity either...I mean in ALL aspects of my life...I am curious if you guys do this...looking from the outside in it doesn't seem so...Why not? Just "wondering"...

MrsW.

Count me in as a FWW who constantly monitors my thinking as you described above. IMO, it's a way to insure I will stay on the right path. I don't EVER want to be anywhere near where I was when I made all the wrong choices.

LC





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This is not a FWS vs. FBS issue. If you'd like to make it about that, by all means it's your right. It's about some poasters attacking and twisting words of others on here. If you ask a question for clarity or state your opinion you are sliced and diced. I don't know that it matters if you are a FWS or FBS. Of course though, if you happen to be a FWS, it does seem to be all your fault because you're the bad one, you are the one who made a mistake, you've got the Scarlet A on your chest.

I personally don't want to debate this topic ad nauseum. Everyone is firmly on their side of the fence, what's the point in spinning my wheels? I CAN and do sympathize with FL2H. I have had my words twisted against me. I posted one time I understood how couples could go down the very bad path of swinging to add "spice" to their M. I never said I did it, or that I had any desire to. Yet, I was lumped in as a swinger myself, I was told I had no morals or values. It was rediculous. And it's always the same group of people.

So, call it what you'd like Mrs. It really doesn't matter. Many of us just don't see eye to eye here. It's nothing to lose sleep over, IMO. I already know there is a group here that will defend each other to the death. It is... what it is.

At the end of the day, I'm still married, I have two more beautiful children, and my H and I are very happy. Good things are starting to happen for us. That is what really matters.

And yes, FLT2H, my baby is doing better every day. He's back to his smiley, happy go lucky self again. Thank you for asking.

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lifeschoice...It is very evident that you "self-police" and are always looking to learn and keep growing...You have very much earned my respect...I feel lucky to count you as a friend around here...

familycomesfirst...Really I was only trying to figure out why it seems to happen around here a lot...I thought you might be interested in questioning yourself and growing...I personally do not see myself as the scourge of the earth and I don't wear a scarlet letter, but I am aware that I did make some really horrible choices in the past and because of that I remain vigilent about my thoughts...I have learned the hard way that you can become what your thoughts are...I don't see myself as a victim and I'm gonna be real honest with you and tell you that many of your posts here convey that you do see yourself as such...That is a horrible way to live and I don't wish for you to remain stuck there...I hope you will give some thought to a change in your perspective...It would be of great benefit to you and your family...Take care...

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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FL2H & FCF,

My experience is that we earn respect and lose it, if our POV differs. Instead of following the lead and looking at our POV, remember that others have opinions, just like ours. Consider how much you valued their opinions before they bit you so hard. Humans we are, one and all.

It happens. Still hurts. I get it.

I wonder if I don't have that "will always be the bad guy" because of being an FWW because my DH was a FWH, too, or because the whole POV of "good guy" and "bad guy" was removed my marriage?

That POV is a killer, isn't it?

LA

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I'm curious, how do I come off as a victim? I see that tossed around on here a lot too. How do you know from what very very very little I have posted here that I see myself as a victim?

I have changed my mindset A LOT in the last 5 or so years. I used to get really upset when something happened in my life. Now I weigh it's overall impact... as long as my family is healthy, anything can be dealt with. Washer going out, H laid off of job, unexpected pregnancy, car breaking down, etc.

See, that is what drives me nutso here, you know only a teeny tiny bit about me, yet you make very wide assumptions on my state of mind. And I don't mean that as an attack. THAT is what I find happening here a lot. I didn't say I see myself as the scourge of the earth and that I wear a scarlet letter, some posters treat FWS's here that way. I would rather not name names.

And I'm not going to work my hiney off "earning" the respect of posters here that I don't respect either. I've earned back the respect of my H. He knows me day to day, he's SEEN me at my worst and my best. I value that the most.

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LA - I see where you are coming from. I appreciate both of you showing caring and concern. It really means a lot. Many here don't have the same approach and they put me (and others) on the defensive.

Like the old saying goes... you attract more flies with honey than vinegar.

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fcf...

I get that from your crying "boo hoo" about "certain posters"...I get that when you feel it is your job to "protect" others that you feel are being "attacked" on threads, rather than just jumping in and offering help to those in real need...I get a real sense of "me against them" from you...It's not just you...there are others here that seem to identify in that way too...I just wonder why you all don't question it in yourselves ESPECIALLY when you look around and see that the ones who agree with you in this way are also FWS...THAT is what leaves me scratching my head...

And I can just about guess without your naming names who you are refering to that you think think of FWS as wearing a scarlet letter...I'll bet you those same people are my friends, and I can guarantee you that they don't see me that way, a big part of that is because I don't see myself that way...

And I wonder fcf, is part of why you remain in this mindset because you haven't be 100% open and honest with your husband regarding contact with OM...Secrets like that eat away at your soul and don't allow you to properly heal and grow...I urge you to practice radical honesty in your marriage...

A little more than my .02...

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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Many here don't have the same approach and they put me (and others) on the defensive.


-emphasis mine

"They" have no power to "put" you anywhere...fcf, YOU are in charge of YOU and YOUR REACTIONS...You can't change others, but you can change your own reactions...

Look, I'm not trying to handle you with "kid gloves" here...I could, I'm southern, I recognize the need to sugarcoat, but it's a PITA in writing...much easier to do in person...I'm speaking to you grown woman to grown woman-I believe you to be strong enough to handle that...it is NOT my intent to hurt your feelings...I'm just trying to give you the brass tacks that I have time for before going to the grocery store...lol

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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CFC,

I like that abbreviation. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> You will never guess why I suppose. Just the scientist in me I guess.

You said
Quote
Many here don't have the same approach and they put me (and others) on the defensive.

Then you mention that Mrs W makes grand and sweeping generalizations and complain about it. Kind of odd don't you think?

What you haven't seemed to notice is how many people have read your threads and how few have responded. Your posts may be well recieved by most and not by a few, you have no idea.

I will say, that having been here many years, most FWW's are well received and actually cherished on this site for their insights and assistance. I have read a few of your threads, and felt you weren't seeking any help or insight and that you felt you had it all figured out. Hence I don't recall ever posting to you.

I have on the other hand posted to many other FWW's and a few that weren't "former" yet. I don't and have never felt the need to label them with the scarlet A, because the basic assumption was and is that they came for help. I suppose you did as well, but in my passing through your threads you never seemed to be seeking any.

I also know that on occasion your advice appeared to be the opposite of the concepts on this site, and most here are pretty wedded to those concepts because they have and do work and this is after all a Harley site.

I do think it might be an over statement to state that FWW's are frequently attacked on this site.

Just thoughts.

God Bless,

JL

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Okay... since I'm of so little use or help here I'll just ask JustUss to delete my account and I'll be on my merry way.

I never said only FWW's are the ones attacked on this site!!!

Man... I really do need to just leave.

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Have a nice evening fcf...

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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bye. have a happy life.

medc #1934314 09/05/07 02:51 PM
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Oh, I will MEDC. *****edit********

Last edited by Justuss; 09/05/07 08:34 PM.
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nope..I dumped the abuser...
but I am VERY happy and loving life ****edit*****.

Last edited by Justuss; 09/05/07 08:33 PM.
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FCF,

Interesting. I posted what I thought was a reasonable post, suggested that many are not against you, stated why I had not posted to you much AND... you decide to leave.

I did not say you had nothing to offer or anything of the sort. I said I had not posted because you didn't seem to be seeking any advice or thoughts. I guess me offering you some really was offensive.

Wasn't the intent, but if it sends you scurrying off, it is your choice.

Best of luck in your life, and I am NOT being sarcastic.

JL

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