We are trying to recover from divorce proceedings and some things seem very odd as if she is still in dovorce mode and trying to do all the care for the children. Preparing meals, washing cloths, etc.

On one topic. At what age does a father stop bathing his daughter/s and or help them get dressed???

my nine and eight year olds get their clothes tossed at their heads and told...

here put this on..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

my six year old gets some help and some he does himslef....

my eight year old yells for me to get out of the bathroom and covers himself when I come in...as if I've never seen my boy nekked... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> and now will not ever wear tightie whities...must be boxers...or freedom shorts as he call em..

and my six year old loves to dance around nekked before after baths..

he needs help to remember to WASH and not just play...
and I certainly wash his hair and help dry him
otherwise he runs and jumps on my bed nekked AND dripping wet.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

kids need help...and I do it
my husband does it....

my children are and always have been equal opportunitists..

what are your ages...

ARK

Lost-

I'm confused....are you divorced and now reconciling?

As to the question of what age does a father stop bathing/dressing his daughter.....how old is she? Does she still require assistance???

I'm a woman, but I know at about age 3 or 4, my daughters obviously still needed assistance bathing (especially in the hair washing department) I wouldn't "Bathe" them anymore, I basically sat in the bathroom with them and instructed them on what they needed to wash, because frankly when you're doing the bathing they're not paying attention...lol.

I would hand them a wet washcloth and say, "Okay, wash your face".....and I'd watch how they did it, and say "don't forget your ears" etc.

I could really help you better if I knew her age.

I have 3 girls (and...well I'm a girl...lol), so I'm a girl bathing expert <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It's funny...my youngest is now 12 and she is ultra modest....she doesn't want anyone to see her naked, and even sleeps in her bra..lol, she's also extremely grossed out if she walks in the bathroom or bedroom and finds either me or her sister naked...so of course the 15 year old puposely tortures her by jumping out in front of her naked.....LOL sisterly love.



God Bless,

Caren

That's so funny!

Lost,
My daughter is 9. She doesn't want me to see her unclothed anymore. She's been bathing on her own since about 5, but she needed hair help at times. And I stopped actually having to do the body washing at about 3.

My Daughters Are 3 1/2 and 5 1/2. I have been very close to them being a fun dad. Cooking with them, crafts, diapers and disapline.

My wife and I have gone through a rough time. I found out a while ago she was contemplating divorce and taking steps behind my back. Many demands and I learned alot here. I was meeting her needs to repair the mariage, I thought exept for one. Moving to another state. She filed for D and draged her feet. I did not want to lose the kids and spent alot in the D proceedings. When we were really close to court date she filed for removal from state which really ups the cost and my chances for losing them. So I agreed to move (which I am still looking for a job). The D has benn dropped.

Two months and she is acting like she is in divorce mode. keeping the kids from my family and not putting any effort into the M. She says it is because I am not moving fast enough with the moving. I talk but don't do.

SO now recent is the Bathing dressing issue. It was even making thier daily shake before. She complained to our MC that I do the dishes??? Sorry back to bathing. She said they are older now and a man should not see them. ""Don't you feel embarased?"" Even putting a diaper on our 3 year old when she goes to bed. I see nothing wrong with it. I am their father. They like my involvment and ask for me to bath them or dry thier hair. I am helping my DD5 to do things herself. Last night I supervised her washing herself in the shower. (she kept asking where to wash next).

I can't address the daughter issue...
but, based on what you have written here, I think you are making a huge mistake by giving in to the blackmail by your wife.
If you live in a state that allows recording of conversations, I would get some of these threats on tape. they may be invaluable to you down the road.

That sounds as if she is "Building a case." This is often the process for someone, especially women, who are driving down the divorce road. She is insuring that she will get custody and obviously she wants you to get a job asap so she can calculate child support and/or alimony.

Did you move from a state where there is NO alimony to one where there is? If so, then that move is obvious. I hate to be so cynical, but there you go . . .

Larry

Oh, my friend, you need to read my thread. She's setting you up for a tactic that, sadly, many women commonly use to win custody and alienate the father.

First, don't move away from your kids. Be there. She can't go anywhere with the kids without your consent. If she wishes to move out of state, let her. You can argue that doing so is not in the children's best interest and keep them with you in your state.

Second, document, document, document. There is nothing wrong with you bathing your daughters. That is simply retarded on her part. You see, you're in a no win situation. If you bathe them, she accuses you (wrongly) of being inappropriate. If you don't do so, she'll accuse you of neglect and endangerment because "you leave the kids alone when bathing".

Also, go get books on father's rights and winning custody for men. They outline the common tactics like the one she's resorting and that I'm experiencing.

Here's the thing. Guard yourself against innocent comments. My lawyer told me to not let my daughter sleep in my bed because an innocent comment such as "I sleep with daddy" can be twisted against you. I don't do it anyways because I feel it creates bad habits with kids, but her advice is good regardless.

It's low and it's nasty. I never thought my ex would resort to such tactics, but she has. Granted, the system has fired back with "so what? Many parents sleep with their kids in the same bed."

She made a comment that I take showers with my daughter. I don't and don't feel a need to.

You take care of your daughter. Bath time is fun at my house. My daughter likes to sit in the water and play with toys. She knows it's time to wrap things up when I tell her it's time to wash her hair. I wash her hair and I scrub her limbs with a wash cloth. I give the cloth to her to get her private areas. I'll stop doing this stuff when I believe she can do it all herself and she may be getting close to being able to do so. My daughter is 5. I expect that she'll be doing this all on her own as she nears 6.

Don't let your stbxw ruin your time with your kids and your daughters. When she starts making comments like "Don't you feel embarrassed?" you should turn the tables on her. A response of, "I can't believe you would stoop to such tactics and it revolts me that you are saying what you're saying about my relationship with my daughters."

You should certainly record her if you're in a state that allows that to be done. You need to check your laws on that matter, because it is a crime in many states to record without both parties consent. The majority, however, let you record as long as one party in the conversation knows that it's being recorded.

Please protect yourself and your daughters from these dirty tactics.

The sad truth is that your daughter is far more likely to be abused by whatever loser your ex seeks out after this mess than by you, her biological father.

My DD's dad did everything I did with her, until she became modest, and I believe it was right before puberty. He did not of course shower with her, but gave her baths, answered her questions, etc.

We were not together after her birth, but I am a strong advocate of childrens rights to both a mother and a father, so we worked together.

Brokendreams post was excellent and right on IMO.

We taught our daughter where her private parts were, and that they were private and gave her the proper names to use. Children are taught now what constitutes good touching and bad touching. We taught ours before she started school.

We answered any and all questions she had, figuring if she was old enough to ask she was old enough to know. And we got books to read with her before puberty about becomming a woman and such. Her Dad was very involved in her life, but respected her modesty as well as his own at the appropriate age, and she will let you know when. Use your common sense, if she does not become modest around you. She needs to be taught modesty right before puberty in that case. You do this by example.

My DD is as close to her dad as she is to me, and we now have joint 50/50 custody (happened at age 9 for the joint custody, I had her until then with very liberal visitation rights for him before that).

I used to hate joint custody, but quite frankly now I see that she is becomming quite the happy, well adjusted young lady and so I guess it wasn't all bad. We did four months with each parent because anything less was too chaotic for her. She now will live with her dad for the school year and me for the summer. This was a joint decision made by where she would receive the best education, and because she wants to try it with her dad this year for school. He is better at school things than I am.

Please stay close to her and protect her. I'm glad she has a dad who loves and cares for her. It's so important for a little girl to have this.

Edited to correct Brokendreams name.

If your daughter's are 3 and 5, I would say it's fine to bathe the 3 year old, but I would do as I suggested, and at least have her wash her own privates, but be watchful that she is doing a good job and instruct her what to do differently. I think she could probably handle getting dressed.

The 5 year old is too old, except when she may need help with the hair washing.


God Bless,

Caren

Excellent points and post. Excellent.

~~Threadjack warning~~

Hi Caren! Good to see you. I wanted to not bump the other post anymore, but did see yours. Hope you are well. I'm out of here for a few weeks shortly and wanted to be sure to send you a big hey. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Wonderful to see you as well weaver <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

Caren