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#1938739 09/09/07 09:31 PM
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CarenMc Offline OP
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Just wanted to update everyone, Mark and I are moving back in togther after our 3 year separation.

I am fully confident that we will be able to make it work this time.

Things are different. Our marriage will never be the same....and that's a great thing!!! I don't EVER want it to be the same, because that is what lead to all the problems we have had.

Out of the ashes, we are going to create a new relationship, with renewed love, commitment and mutual repect.

It has been a long painful road, but I think I am a better person for it.

I post this, not to toot my own horn, but to tell all of those who are having difficulty dealing with all of theirs, sometimes it works out, just the way you've prayed it would be.

I know that this was not due to my tireless effort, but more because God heard my prayers.

Every step I take is guided by the Lord.

God Bless,

-Caren


Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.

BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
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That's good news, Caren. I hope you will both go by the MB plan, and have firm boundaries.

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Wow, Congrats! It just takes some of us longer, doesn't it.

Who


I am the BW,
He is the FWH
D-Day: 12/02/03

Recovered
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Wow Caren....how cool!

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That's awesome News!

You have such a great story, I think that it would be helpful for others to read...

I know that I have read it before and was inspired by it...

Could you maybe add a link for the newbies, in case they would like to read it too?

best of luck to you and DH! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
Joined: Sep 2004
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CarenMc Offline OP
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Thanks All!!

Strivin, I don't have any clue how to even find my old link.....I don't even remember what it was called <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Sorry.

God Bless,

Caren


Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.

BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,463
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Well, with a little searching I found this one by you...I don't think that it was the one I was looking for but it's something!

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1
Editted to add:
Ah, here's another: <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

Last edited by Strivn4Better; 09/10/07 10:10 AM.

A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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Caren,
That's great. I hope you will continue to visit here!

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CarenMc Offline OP
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I will continue to visit, for the most part because I am a prime example of how NOT to do Marriage Builders.

Had I been able to listen, and follow the advice of the wise, wise people here I would've been able to avoid a lot of pain and a lot of set backs.

I was never able to keep myself in check long enough to do any good plan.....hence my 3 year separation and multiple backsliding episodes by my husband.

I facilitated the affair as much as I tried to stop it with my inconsistancies.

Ask many of the wise ones here.....posting to me was often the equivalent of banging one's head into a brick wall.

I can only attribute my current reconciliation to God.....I am not strong enough to do any of this on my own.

Three years of separation breed a kind of hardening of the heart. I don't know that I could ever be hurt like I was before. And while that is a self-preservation mechanism, it too is something I will have to overcome if this has a prayer of working.

I can give really good advice.....my problem has always been taking advice, even my own.

I beg you not to follow in my footsteps....please listen to the wonderful advice you're given here, follow what they're telling you to the "T" and you can avoid a lot of the pitfalls that I have made myself victim to.

Listen to MortarMan, Listen to MelodyLane, listen to Orchid, Believer....and so many other's who've been here,in the trenches (You can spot most of them by the amount of posts they have under their belt....let me tell you that the majority of their posts are helping others, not seeking advice for themselves.)

For that matter Listen to me.....as I said before, I can certainly tell you what doesn't work.

I have so much love and respect for the Marriage Builders concept, and all my wonderful mentor's here. As bullheaded as I am, you're advice eventually penetrated my thick skull.

Now I'm going to read through my old posts...eeeek, (Thanks Strivin).

And Believer.....thank you, I am armed with the MB concepts and finally some boundaries. It boiled down to me giving up, a turning point conversation between my husband and I was when I said "I have been trying to save this marriage alone for so long......and I can't do it anymore. I can't save you, I don't even want to. What happens when neither one of us cares anymore?" Apparently that was what it took to turn us in the right direction, because although the affair has been dead for quite a while now, and NC has been solid for 6 months for a definite. He has a new job, far from her, and while I'm moving back into the house he rented since we've been separated.....we won't be there long, we're moving to a bigger house, no where near the scene of the crime.

God Bless,

Caren


Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.

BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 777
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Good to see you around, Caren. I was wondering how you have been.

I found, er, was given Hebrews 11:30 this morning. Seems all of Heb. 11 is about faith. Hang on to it.

far


foundareason
D: March 2006 (xw - multiple a's)

I have found a NEW REASON!!!!
A Treasure!!
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Joy!

Mas JOY!

- Kimmy


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!

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