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#1939623 09/12/07 05:22 AM
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Okay, I know there have been posts in the past, but I'm too lazy to look them up.

How do you tell your ex, a rather hot-tempered ex, that you are planning to get married?


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Now you hold on one hot little minute there missy. Is this really how you plan to tell us that you're planning to marry M?


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why does he have to know?

mlhb


God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.

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She's so sly, isn't she. Just drops a bomb on us lightly and dances away.

Are congratulations in order? If so, that makes two of my divorce support friends who are or will be engaged soon. And these two are my earliest aides in this area.

I think it is important to just say it.
X, I wanted to let you know that I'm planning to marry Y.
This means that we will be living . . . . .,
the children may change schools, . . . . .
and note any other changes expected.


My other friend in your sitch is waiting because her X refuses to let her move to your state, and has threatened legal action to prevent it. He even plans to buy a home in her town if she moves, to keep the kids in the same school district.

I know you must have given these issues a lot of thought. So, let's hear it.


It was a marriage that never really started.
H: Conflict Avoider, NPD No communication skills (Confirmed by MC) Me: Enabler
Sep'd 12/01, D'd 08/03.
My joys and the light of my life: DD 11, DD 9
*Approach life and situations from the point of love - not from fear.*
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I have no direct experience in any of that - but I'd think it's best if your XH hears it from you, and not somebody else, so if I were in your situation I'd tell him soon, before word gets around <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

And congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JinGA


F/40, DD15 DS13 M 1989 DDay his EA May 1998. S Aug 2004. D Dec 05. I filed. 4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R. 6/23/07 XH said no to R. 8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B". 1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day. Ask me about Geocaching!
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Yee haaaa - I'm smiling BIG over here! Can I say CONGRATULATIONS???

Laura


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ANNE!!!

We need a much better explanation!!!

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Congrats Green! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

If he's hot tempered and you truly fear his reaction, send him a letter. Maybe give your attorney a heads up in case he tries some kind of preemptive legal assault like a renewed custody battle.

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GG,

I had to deal with this issue last month. I called my EX and asked to meet with him because I needed to discuss an important matter. He agreed. I explained that I wanted him to hear it from me, and he interupted me with "You're getting married." I said "Yes." He congratulated me and wished me luck. It was much easier than I had anticipated.

Congrats and good luck with the announcement with your EX!

When will this wedding take place? Mine will be a winter wonderland wedding scheduled for this December.

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Congratulations GG. Just tell him straight up. He's going to find out anyway. For a viewpoint from the opposite side, my WH and OW are planning to get married as soon as their divorces go through. Neither one has told me or OWH, but the daughter knows and reported it to her dad. I asked WH when he was pestering me about the divorce papers and he just danced around the question without answering. It's not something I want to hear or happen, but I'd have a little more respect for him if he could come right out and say it to me instead of letting me find out through other sources. (at least I have plenty of warning as it's still another 8 months before he can get his divorce)

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Actually, I had forgotten I had posted this!

Well, this is kinda of my way of saying I’m planning on getting married. Actually, we, M and I are planning on getting married. The wedding won’t be for a while, maybe even a year. But, we’ve told our families about our “plans for the future” as we call them.

My younger daughter is trying figure out what will happen with all the extra TVs and if she can have one in her room. (She can’t). She’s also trying to figure out if she can ask M for something after I’ve said no. I doubt that will work since M defers to me.

My older daughter is very interested in how soon she can expect a fancy dress for the wedding and if she can invite her friends. All in all, it’s been good.


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Congratulations......


Trying to Let myself find a life after four years of being divorced - Great at the mom thing.. Just not good at the "ME" thing....
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GG,

How wonderful for you!!! Congrats.

On how to tell the EX...I say, send an E-mail...and even maybe a poem to him, something like...

Honey you are a cheatin' ho,
So I finally got the picture
and I let you go.

I found a real man now and gettin on with my life.
We plan to walk down the aisle soon where he'll make me his wife.

Good bye from your ex,
Here's hoping this time around I have much better sex!

By:Anna ;-)

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Anna,

LOL!!! That was too funny. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

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Too funny.

B wasn’t a cheatin’ ho, though.

I told him over the phone yesterday. Only since B had questioned my children about why we were painting M’s house this weekend, and why he wanted to sell, on down the line, the girls told him before I could.

Then, of course, I’m accused of putting them in a bad position. What amazes me is the amount of knowledge B has about M and me. Stuff that is none of his business. I’m unclear whether the YD volunteers this information or whether B grills them. However, I do know if B hadn’t questioned them, they wouldn’t have tried to honor my request that they let me tell B.

The whole thing is nuts.

So, Immovingon, you’re having a winter wonderland. That sounds awesome. What are you doing about a dress? And rings? I’m really not sure how I feel about an engagement ring. Part of me wants one, and part of me associates rings with prison. The dress? I cannot do a fluffy white dress, yet I’d like it to be clear it’s me who’s getting married.


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Well at least telling him is over. What was his reaction?

My other friend went to NYC with her beau on Saturday to pick out her ring. She won't get it though until he's ready to propose. (Only I'm not supposed to know they got it).

I know far too much about X & GF as kids just mention things. It's quite annoying to me at times.
Like: Daddy couldn't go to a school performance because he went to a training class on how to use his wood stove?
Daddy couldn't have us on his night because he had to pick up a piece of equipment (in Georgia). (yet, we were leaving in 2 days for a week of vacation and he couldn't wait?).

My favorites, of course, are what daddy promises them and never follows through. I cringe every time I hear one of the empty promises because they so desperately want to believe.

So, assume your children are not being grilled, but are sharing their lives.

So, where are you planning on living? That's a big step for someone who is established in their community, like you.


It was a marriage that never really started.
H: Conflict Avoider, NPD No communication skills (Confirmed by MC) Me: Enabler
Sep'd 12/01, D'd 08/03.
My joys and the light of my life: DD 11, DD 9
*Approach life and situations from the point of love - not from fear.*
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We discussed where we'd live about a year ago. We're living in my house. It's about the same distance to his work and family as his house now is. In a year or two, we may consider moving.

I never spent much time at M's house, but I'll miss his trees. He had wonderful trees in his yard.


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so how did XH react?

and what on earth does "putting them in a bad position" mean???

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Congratulations, GreenGables!!!!

I was separated quite a while before I married so when I suddenly wanted to finalize the divorce, my X figured it out on his own...I suspect that my best friend may have told him, too...

My Aunt was divorced and she would grill her kids about details of their father's marriage. When the kids were about 13, they just told their Mom it was none of her business. I thought that was fabulous. Maybe you should instruct your daughters to tell your X the same thing?


Married 6 years on July 23, 2011--no issues and deeply in love--thanks, MB!

I'm convinced that I'm married to the most wonderful man alive....

I hear and I forget. I see and I believe. I do and I understand. Confucius (B.C. 551-479)

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GG,

We didn't do the engagement ring thing. It's both our second marriage, no need for the angagement ring thing; although I caught M looking at diamonds. We both have looked at wedding band set for me. The ring just doesn't seem as important now.

My dress is very simple and I went with ivory. My oldest son will give me away, oldest daughter will be a bride's maid and youngest daughter will be flower girl. Middle son will be our usher and youngest son will be our ring bearer. All the children wanted to be involve with the wedding.

So have you two set a date?

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