My wife and I were married for 17 years when the explosion happened.
Background
1. My wife grew up with an angry alcoholic dad and submissive mom
2. My wife had two older siblings that treated her poorly
3. I was her "shining knight" that saved her.
4. I drank alcoholically but slowed down while dating and first year of marriage.
5. My wife caught me sneeking drinks - went into program.
6. Spent 15 years of hiding alcoholism.
7. Wife would find out now and then and I would apologize
8. In May 2006 my wife had enough - go to rehab or divorce
9. While I was in rehab wife get very angry and starts divorce proceedings
10. Less than one month to divorce being final my wife came to me and asks me to come home. I did only after divorce was stopped completely
11. After I move back home, nothing, no emotion, no willingness to reconcile, no compassion, no empathy, ridgid, cold - I feel the only reason I was asked back was becasue of money and co-parenting
It has been 16 months, 2 weeks and 1 day since I last had a drink. I participate in AA and I get regular counseling. I work at being a better person every day. I practice what I preach. I check my motives with everything I do. Every day I ask myself "What is it like for her (my wife)?"
I am truely remoseful and humble. I never yelled or physically hurt my wife. I really love my wife. She is smart, funny, talented and beautiful.
I am at a loss for what to do. People have and do look to me for leadership. When no one knows what to do I make a decision to do, go or make something. Yet, I do not know what to do with my relationship with my wife. Our marriage counselor is focussing on nothing, allowing the sessions to go nowhere, I ask to stay on track but to no avail.
I try not to wallow in self pity - it is just this new thing that I now experience, emotions, really confuse me. My wife is cold, indifferent, non-loving behavior really hurts and confuses me.
She tells me that she will not leave. I am not invited into her though. I want to be part of. How can I break down the barrier (20ft thick, 100ft high, concrete wall) that keeps me away?
We have been sleeping in the same bed for nearly 5 months. Nothing. She does not want to hug. Turns head when I try to kiss. No lips, no hugs, no nothing.
I am in pain. Please help.
Fred