HAHHAHAHAHAHA....
I post this and get an IM!!!!

ears musta been ringing.

How the heck did she read these last weekend???? I gave it to her last night!

Frankly I think giving her that information about the STD was a VERY, VERY BAD IDEA. Be prepared for an entirely new story from your (W?)W at your hearing to explain her behaviour. And now you've given her an alibi for her STD!

If I was in your position, I would have held on to that information and let her come up with her own explanation. You've basically passed up an opportunity for discovering what's really going on with your spouse... through her own words.

You cannot win the game if you keep showing all of your good cards, TOMK!

I tend to agree on that one... its called 'plausible denial' and it was just handed to her on a silver platter.

However, this can be turned into something positive if you can get back into your own home. You'll be able to Plan A and snoop at the same time. If she's convinced her alibi can work and you won't upset her apple cart, she probably won;t fight you coming home. And what's great, is she really can't keep you out of your home once that RO is lifted. Once you are there, don't ever agree to leave it again.

Mojo-something has not sat right with me , in this thread from the beginning.

I don't feel the need to explain my concerns again.But I will say I believe them to be valid.
And I do hope there is happy ending to this story.

Later

Max

I know giving that info might have been bad, but I want to believe that she didn't cheat, although she reminds me how easy it would be for her. And yeah, maybe I'm stupid and gullible and I gave her exactly what she wants...the babysitter to come home so she can "work late". But know what else... if the babysitter comes home... I am with my son again!

He's always first, she's second. She's known this ever since we found out we were having him. If by giving away my ace of spaces gives me my king of hearts, I'll take it.

If I get back home form this, that's what matters to me most. I'm in my house. I'm with my boy every night when he goes to bed and every morning when he wakes up. EVERY night and EVERY morning.

I've checked up on her before and found some susoicious thinghs, just never acted on what I found. I'll be more careful this time. I don't want to spy or snoop, but if my gut tells me something isn't right. I have my resources.

We bought a special couch 3 years ago and I playfully made a term called "CCT" We shopped for the perfect CCT couch for months till we found this one. CCT happened maybe 2 or 3 times, then she complained that any time we tried it she got too comfortable and fell asleep so we dont' do it anymore.

I said she fell asleep cuz she felt safe in my arms snuggled up next to me... she would say it was just cuz she was tired from a long day, btu then I would remind her about the middle of the afternoon whent he baby was down for a nap...

Maybe I can convince her to use the couch for what we bought it for... "Couch Cuddle Time"

I still feel good in giving the info to her. Shows I'm a man of my word. If she chooses to use it as an alibi... well one day it will come back and bite her in the ars!

I agree that not everything here "seems" right...but..if you are not willing to explain your concerns, why have you even mentioned them at all. You seem to have been taking cheap shots in a passive aggressive way at TOMK...
He was asked flat out by me if he has ever abused his wife. The question has been asked and answered.

Based on the story we DO know that TOMK has been abused by his wife...do you know something I don't???

Based on the story she has no credibility due to her willingness to lie to authorities...again, do you know something I don't.

Instead of being all mysterious and acting as though you know something or have a basis for something...point it out to the poster...ask your questions...or keep it to yourself.

My wife does not fear me. She's made that fact very clear to me many times. She's told me if I even think of trying to threaten her, she'll sick her father on me quicker than flies to... or a reminder, "One quick phone call and you're gone".

She does not fear me, I have not tried to make her fear me. Why would I? That's just ridiculous. The way she treats me...I do everything I can think of (untill I simply gave up trying) to appease her.

Look what happens when I give up.... The cops get called and I get tossed.

Could you expalin what radar you have up and what's bothered you about this from the begining?

BTW...Max is a woman...maybe abused in the past....seems as though she is triggered by something here.

I want to ask anyone who is reading this a question.

Based on what you've read in my posts, granted they are all one side of the story, all stories have at least two sides...

Is my marriage salvagable?

We were happy together before we were married. She was happy before she knew me. I remember how often her phone would ring, all her freinds calling and asking her to go out. She slowly stopped hanging with them and started spending all her time with me. I pretty much keep to myslef so her hanging out with me all the time was fine, I didn't have anyone else to do things with or anywhere else to go. Not that I clung to her for attention mind you. I just enjoy "my time" and I was completely fine with her being part of that.

..I wonder if she resents losing her freinds to stay with me.

Anyway... is my marriage worth holding onto? Seriously? Or am I just setting myself up to be Mr. Gullible, walked all over...

I would say NO. If she stooped as low as to have you arrested for something you never did, I do not think there is a reason to try and save this marriage. First off, who knows what you will encounter int he future.
Short of her going into court on Friday and making an admission that she lied to get you arrested and that she will accept any punishment that comes her way, I would say that she needs to go.

I did list my concerns- I don't feel the need to type them out again...how's that.

My radar...I come into contact with both perps and victims of domestic violence on a fairly frequent basis. It's a part of my role-

Nope Mk never a victim, so no triggers.

Later

Max

Thinking - Do you drink alcohol?

TOMK- Unfortunately, at this time, I'd have to agree with MEDC's assessment. You have repeatedly told us that she is consistant with threats against you as part of her manipulations of you. I have a feeling she seeks drama and you are the easiest target she has.
Could she be depressed? Resentful? Sure. However, if she refuses to get help for those issues, there is no building a healthy marriage with her. Personally, it wouldn't surprise me to find out that she's a pathological liar. Her pride at being able to pass off her lies and gaslight people makes me think this is a vindictive and vicious person.
My hope for you right this minute is just getting you back into your home and back with your son. You will need to build a stable home and learn about custody issues. You will need to grow a spine and learn a new way of dealing with her-- its obvious she's used to getting her way.

Have you read about the 180s on this website?

No Drugs, No smoking, VERY rarely a drink.

That is good to hear. I would stay away from your wife and start working on your issues. I was reading the conversation from your sis, and apparently there are some issues you can work on.

I'm afraid your wife will be back because she is not going to find many men that will tolerate her behavior.

Sorry max, I must have missed this post....



You seem a bit antagonistic yourself, why?


Because she focuses on the "here and now" factor, when we were tlaking about me buying a new laptop, if I didn't do as she said she informed me I was not getting a new laptop...

We talked about getting a big screen TV to mount onthe wall, if we argued, the TV wasn't going to happen. (now she loves it more than I do BTW)

I am the primary care giver for my son as I was a stay at home Dad for the fist 16 months of his life. We have a bond that Mother and child typically have. She thinks becuase I USED TO move from place to place, that if i were to take off, I would take him with me. I moved from place to place after my first marriage ended.

The ONLY "violence" that goes on in my home is the emotional abuse she puts me through. Correction, violence that used to go on... remember I stopped responding to it. Turned myself off when she tried to pick fights. Then finally calmly packed my things... and the cops were called.



My wife was extremely calm when the police showed up. Her eyes weren't even red and puffy from crying. I was outside at the time they came as well, going over the things in my trunk as a mental checklist of things I had already packed. I told my story to the officer who stayed outside with me, whent he officer who came went in came back out he said "She says you back handed her, then pushed her into a wall. Is this true?" GENUINE SHOCK on my face. The he says "She also says that you threatened to kill her and take your son. Is this true?" Again... actually I almost fell over from the shock.

He then said, "I have enough probable cause to arrest you and remove you for the night". THAT is when I began to argue. I said I did nothing wrong, i wanted to avaoid any arguments with her so walked into the house, I wouldn't even look her in the eye, nevermind talk to her. I just wanted to grab some things, go somewhere and think of all that she's said..with the STD and her thoughts of me cheating. THE FACT I have NO STD and my puzzlement on where she got it. I told them I had everything i needed and didn't even need to go back into the house for anything, I could just go now. They said the threat of life was enough to arrest me. (The cop outside with me showed real relectance).

So now I'm on handcuff in my driveway waiting for the "wagon" to pick me up... 30 minutes go by. My wife is in the doorway whiel the officers have their back to the door. She's smiling at me!! I say something to the officers and she side steps back into the living room. i move around the patrol car so I can't see the door, then I notice she's int he window doing it again. I comment to the officers again, they both see it and the officer that was outside with me goes in, says something real quick then closes the front door behind him.

The entire time I'm waiting to be picked up, she keeps poping her head out the window, talking to someon on the phone, and from what I could make out ... looked to be giggling.


Max,
I do not provoke my wife. We play from time to time, and sometimes I take it a bit to far. But I never hit or threaten her. In fact, for the longest time I tried to make sure our playing was easy as I know of the horror stories she told me about her ex....

She is a COMPLETELY different woman in public or around others. when it's just her and I.... the "I'm the Boss" mentality comes out.

Like the saying guys use, a lady on the street but a freak inthe bed... She's a freak at home, just her and I. maybe this is part of why she's nice ot me any time we go on a trip???

I have been following this story from the beginning and just like Max, I have wondered about this story. I feel strongly that there is a lot more to the story that we are not made aware of. It feels to me, as I read and reread the story that something is not being told by TOMK. We are only reading one side here, as he said himself as well. I would be very interested to read from her what her side of the story is.

She is pregnant, felt threatened enough to call the police. I do not believe that one would go as far as having your husband arrested if there was no threat. Sorry. I wish I could hear her side of the story. I am sure there is a lot she would have to say on how this family really is.

If TOMK is telling the truth and not omitting anything in his part in all this situation, then I want to ask him, why do you still want to leave with this monster? It is certainly how you describe her. You can still have your son, fight for him, if you are as good a father to him as you tell us.

Just in case you think of asking: yes, I have been the victim of a violent man, one that was extremely manipulative in every way that you can imagine, and I almost died from his own hands. At first, I was shock by this story because honestly, I thought TOMK was this same guy that almost killed me 20 years ago. But TOMK is a good 10 years too young to be him …

Is it really so hard to believe the nastiness of a WS? Good Lord, people.