LA,
I don't wish to threadjack here so not quite sure how far to take this.
I have struggled and am struggling greatly with the lack of intimacy I feel with H. He is not one who "chooses" to let me know what is on the inside. I want to know what goes on deeper in his head and heart.
From all you have written, I am feeling like that is a DJ to think his efforts are shallow most of the time. I want MORE.
[quote calling the interaction superficial, instead of only judging YOUR part...your half)
Your agenda may be inside-out...what you're really saying is that each time you share something with her, you're lying...because you're really wanting to say...
"Because I hurt, I crave your remorse as an act of love. I crave your ILYs because I hear love, that's how I feel it. I crave to know your thoughts, because I'm believing that if you share all of them with me, I'll be safe. I'm discovering my own places of fantasy inside. My manipulation, cruelty, control and fantasy. I feel a lot of rejection most of the time. I want to see our connection more than focus on rejection. The more I uncover in myself, the closer I feel to you."
This says so well what I feel when I try for some kind of interaction with H.
How did you figure this all out, LA? This is some good work you have done sorting this all out. My head is spinning trying to put it all in place and role playing it all out with H and I as the players.
I am on the cusp of getting it, but there is so much I would like to clarify with you.
But I don't want to completely TJ Sad's thread.
NL
