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#1950737 10/05/07 08:45 PM
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My husband was once a devoted Chatholic when he was younger. He served as an Alter Server, and recieved many thanks from the Catholic church for his devotion and donation on time. When we started dating, he explained that he was unsure of his beliefs when it came to Christianity. I helped him reserch different web-sites, books, videos etc. He seemed to be on a healthy path to becoming a Christian. (I am an Evangelical Christian) However, since we have gotten married, his devotion to discovery has faltered. He hates God, he even scowls at me when I try to discuss it. He is convinced that God has turned his back on my husband. I try very hard to live my life the way the Bible asks me to. Lately, I feel that perhaps God is punishing me for being unevenly yoked. I have become afflicted with many life threatening sicknesses, I have been denied the opportunity to bear more children, and my health is spiraling in a downward cycle. I just don't know what to do anymore. I pray several times a day, my husband won't allow us to go to church, but I still try to read my Bible. I just don't know what else to do. There is a black rain cloud of bad luck hanging over our head. EVERY and I mean EVERY time we fix something wrong in our lives something even bigger takes it's place. I am worried that I may be losing faith in God and I don't want to...Help


Married 7 months 3 Kids-4, 3, & 2
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{{{{{Jendon573}}}}}

This board isn't very active, I was just browsing and read your post. Then I read your post over on EN.

From what you say, you are in an abusive relationship. Your previous abusive marriage may make it hard for you to see things clearly. Maybe this seems better than what you were in before, but it still isn't good.

Your kids are NOT better off being raised by someone who doesn't respect their mom, who wants to satisfy himself even when it physically hurts you. Think of what that teaches your kids.

Do you have sons? Daughters? If sons, think of the role model he will provide. If daughters, I would seriously worry about bringing a step-dad into their lives with such a selfish sexual appetite. Even if that would never happen, you are teaching them what they should put up with in their relationships.

You don't have to tell me details if you don't want, but I worry about the health problems you mention. How are you doing right now?

I went through a life-threatening crisis when my kids were born. It actually brought me back to my faith. I don't think God *made* bad things happen to me, but I think He used the situation to get my attention and call me back into the fold.

One thing that I've hung onto in bad times is, "All things work together for good for those who love the Lord." It isn't always clear how, at the time. I don't think that means God wanted it that way, or caused it; but rather, because He gives us free will, bad things happen, but if we are trying to follow Him, He will bring about some good out of it.

I did a Beth Moore Bible study last spring, on Daniel. There are 3 ways God can help us in times of trouble (think of fiery trials, Daniel 3).

We can be delivered from the fire, and our faith is built.

We can be delivered through the fire, and our faith is refined.

We could even be delivered by the fire, into His arms, and our faith is perfected.

I really don't think God is trying to punish you. Please hang on to your faith. Ask Him to help your faith.

I am unequally yoked also, so I can identify with that. Another thing I've held on to, is I Cor. 7:14, about the nonbelieving spouse possibly being saved.

But IMHO that chapter shouldn't be used to convince someone to stay in an abusive situation.

Please keep posting.


me - 47 tired
H - 39 cool
married 2001
DS 8a think
DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy:
(Why is DS7b now a blockhead???)
(Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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I have had cancer since I was 15. It started simple but then got worse. Recently I was treated for thyroid disease. My thyroid isn't working at all. The doctors now think that after trying to treat the thyroid and failing that it might be thyroid cancer. So with my thyroid not working for whatever reason, my body shuts down. I sleep for almost 15 hours a day and when I wake up I'm still tired. I try to get everything done, but I just can't without help and so he gets mad. Most of the time he is an absolute Image of The Perfect Man. I think he just gets tired of having to take care of me. I don't know. I love my husband and I know that he loves me. He doesn't act like a jerk around the kids, he's amazing with them. He plays with them and is fine with me...The problem is only while we are alone with one another.


Married 7 months 3 Kids-4, 3, & 2
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I am so sorry to hear that.

Ah, I can see why he has his good points. And why it might be difficult to go against him. My H pretty much sat in a chair by my hospital bed for months, and waited on me hand and foot. He got irritable sometimes - who wouldn't? I didn't blame him, plus I was kinda at his mercy, I needed him to stick around.

{{{Jendon}}}

I gotta run right now but I'll check back later, if you want to write some more.


me - 47 tired
H - 39 cool
married 2001
DS 8a think
DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy:
(Why is DS7b now a blockhead???)
(Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,868
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Hi Jendon

How are you doing now?

I am now in a situation of being unevenly yoked. Hubby and I built our eight-year marriage, in part, on our shared faith. We blended families. We are Anglican ("Catholic lite" LOL), which is more like your husband's background than yours. He's had mini strokes, however, and his personality and beliefs have changed as a result of brain damage and long-term depression. He, too, believes that God has been cruel to him. He has faced one challenge after another, many before we were married but also many since. The stress of our family life has brought me closer to God and has taken him further away.

How familiar are you with the MB concepts? I've been a member for many years.

I wonder whether my relationship with God and activities with the church are Independent Behaviors that take away from my marriage or if Jesus should be my first love. Do you struggle with this, too?

One thing I have learned is that nagging or proselytizing to my husband will not help him to do the right thing. All I can do is be an example and be the best wife, mother and Christian as I can.

**edit**


Last edited by Fireproof; 02/20/11 12:02 PM. Reason: removing link to other site

Burned-out W, 41, ENFJ married to INTJ. Blender family of 7 years w/3 teens. H has been injured/ill and in college for 6 years. Co-parenting for 11 years w/XWH who married A #4 of 5.
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This may help you. I read it somewhere else.

"Remember your husband will let you down, A LOT! Mine does now and then even though he is a good-hearted man. Remember who your first love is. Its not your husband, but JESUS. He is your rock and source of love and contentment, not your husband. If you depend on your husband in all his imperfections for fulfillment he will let you down and you will feel your marriage is a mistake. You are in for a bumpy ride, but God gives us marriage not to make us happy, but to teach us to be more like HIM and Holy."


Burned-out W, 41, ENFJ married to INTJ. Blender family of 7 years w/3 teens. H has been injured/ill and in college for 6 years. Co-parenting for 11 years w/XWH who married A #4 of 5.
Joined: Nov 2009
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Originally Posted by W8ing4signs
This may help you. I read it somewhere else.

"Remember your husband will let you down, A LOT! Mine does now and then even though he is a good-hearted man. Remember who your first love is. Its not your husband, but JESUS. He is your rock and source of love and contentment, not your husband. If you depend on your husband in all his imperfections for fulfillment he will let you down and you will feel your marriage is a mistake. You are in for a bumpy ride, but God gives us marriage not to make us happy, but to teach us to be more like HIM and Holy."

I Like this, and it reminds me of something many often miss when they are "Unevenly yoked". Because your H did like my Dad did in the baptist church when he was young, sorta "served his time", and cannot see God as you do, it does not mean he isn't being used by Him. You know this, as we beleivers all do, that all things work towards those who believe.

In some cases, even believers yoke up and start pulling with all thier might in two different directions, missing the point of another scripture, "How can two walk together less they be agreed?" ---To the same plan, end, and award.

This must be very hard for your H, and watching his W suffer I don't wonder that what he once beleived God for possibly as a "good-catholic boy", that God has failed him. Again the problem with legalism and the law. Bad things happen to good people. Its hard to wrap your head around that, when you trusted God to come through, but you still are charged with taking care of everything, and tend to feel guilty if things don't work.

Happened to my Dad, happened to me, and the answer is to take it off myself, and let the one perfect one be our sacrifice.

Well I could go on but I'm preaching to the choir.

Becoming one with your Hs anger and frustration will not help anyone, and he refuses to allow you to practice your faith, or the children either. Thats a tough one for me. I am confidant that I would be in a terrible place without my faith. When there was no reason for hope, and I was alone in the world, there was allways God to help me and comfort me.

I have a good friend that grew up in a large catholic family, and became an evagelical early in his life, but married badly. Now divorced, he is very activly seeking Christ in everything, and studies more than I. He has been divorced 15 years now. Its all about Christ to him, and we share tears and joy together over our lost wives and the lives of our children, along with many humourous stories about life. Niether of us, and we are in our 50s, can see the point of ever getting married again, not because there is something bad about it, but because we have other things to do and find our relationship with God more important right now, and our time with our children and friends. We are not against it, and would love a friend in Christ who loves us and helped us in life, we just know what we have right now are burdens we must carry alone.

There are times though when I hear him ask God, "Where are all the things you promised us?, Are we to beg in the streets for bread?" I try to say how we allready have everything we need to live in that Kingdom, it our life here on earth that is what he is having a problem with, but I doubt I could hold up forever with that attitude, and I am not the sacrifice for atonement, that has allready been given.

I'll pray for your H now and for your family. I hope the yoke evens out, or changes from one of iron to Christs.

Last edited by ConstantProcess; 02/19/11 03:10 PM.

Me 56 Former BS
Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years.
4 children
DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4
Me former BS
DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr
DSs 26 and 23
Teilhard de Chardin..We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. ...Sounds about right to me.
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870
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Originally Posted by W8ing4signs
..I wonder whether my relationship with God and activities with the church are Independent Behaviors that take away from my marriage or if Jesus should be my first love. Do you struggle with this, too? ..

Being brought up baptist, I allways had a problem with people who tried to separate themselves from God in the now, like his omipresence so to speak. When the catholic kids next door, who had a tough life I must admit, but were still terrible unruly kids, would go to confession, and they said it was to tell God of thier sins and be forgiven, it blew my little mind. Lol, they would go back and do the same things over and over again. I felt as God was allways watching me, so I could not hide anyway, so I spoke to him directly, (How proud huh?) But yet I suffered with much lonely guilt, because my Dad, could never be approached, no way, no how. He allready was beating himself up and everyone around him. Not in violence, but internally, as he had given up on God also there.

There is a study somewhere that says you will be attracted to the same personality type that you struggled with in your parents when you marry. Maybe I should be clearer on that. You MAY be attracted to that. I see that with my wife that has passed on now. Not at first mind you, but because I went through years as a young boy towing the line for God and waiting so patiently for something to change, or to be good enough, it made it so easy to allow stuff happen within my marriage, and take the abuse.

Here is the kicker though, my wife was saved at 18, spent much time studing the bible, and throwing herself at Gods mercy. She was very knowledgeable, many went to her for help, but yet she would not admit she needed to get counseling for the alcohol that had ruined her parents lives, and threatened hers. When we seperated for two years because of her drinking, and she went back to church, (I met her when she was backsliding, a term again I have a problem with, Dam my pride), ..any way she went back, and cleaned up quite a bit, but still wouldn't see "the plank in her own eye, as she was trying to remove the splinter in others". She would not do the practical work of going to AA, and accept the gift that she was human, and there were others here, ordained by God, to help her.

So this was a problem with me, she would go to church, and there is where I believe would be the only place she might find acceptance and the humility to get help. But she hid the truth from herself by trying to save others, still a martyr, and not totally happy either. I attended and believed also, but I was, how can I put it, drugged by my own self-delusion and hyperspirituality too. I soon found myself waiting for what was allready mine to take because I had it given allready, freedom from guilt and shame.

Its what your taught in church that matters, and if you don't hear Christ in it toss it out. Preachers are not perfect either, and it is Christ that we need, and the freedom he gives us.

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

That also to me has meant people represent the world, even in the church. Our marriages also are in the world, and subject to it.

Its funny how God prunes back the vine, and we still don't see or want to accept what we still have is life, and it is a gift, so we don't have fruit of the spirit.

Praying your H will see that for himself, and that you continue to go on with God. Without Him marraige, or should I say life, would be unbearable, if left to reason out its value by my standards. It sounds like you are doing all you can, and in the end, stand. I can't find the scripture, but in essence.."After done all, stand"

God Bless


Me 56 Former BS
Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years.
4 children
DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4
Me former BS
DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr
DSs 26 and 23
Teilhard de Chardin..We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. ...Sounds about right to me.

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