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#1953521 10/12/07 11:45 AM
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My husband and I were both previously married. He has photos from his first wedding in the house whereas all remnants of my former relationship were thrown away. I feel that holding onto photos is a symbol of holding onto the past. I realize not everyone views it this way and would like a general opinion on whether it is reasonable for me to ask my husband to toss out his first wedding photos.

Should I ask my husband to get rid of his 1st wedding album?
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I don't think it's a matter of reasonableness. If you feel threatened by him having photos of his wedding, then you need to share that with your husband. Hopefully, he'll accept your feelings even if he doesn't understand them. And, he probably doesn't or he'd have thrown them away. Most likely, these photos are just remants from a bygone time.

I actually have photos of all my old boyfriends somewhere. Not sure where...


Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
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I notice that your member name is also your name day. Is that a coincidence?

Wedding Photos contain other family members too. If he just has them in the house, and they are boxed and out of the way, I doubt I would have a problem with that.
I kept mine for my children. They will want to view them someday.


It was a marriage that never really started.
H: Conflict Avoider, NPD No communication skills (Confirmed by MC) Me: Enabler
Sep'd 12/01, D'd 08/03.
My joys and the light of my life: DD 11, DD 9
*Approach life and situations from the point of love - not from fear.*
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Does he have children with his ex-wife? (Not that this is the only reason to keep photo albums)

Do you somehow feel threatened by these photos? What is it about the pictures that bothers you?

We are all products of our previous experiences (good and bad). Every day our experiences change us and make us who we are. I have never understood people that think entire sections of our previous lives should be discarded and buried...as if they somehow never happened. It did happen. He was married to another person. This does NOT in any way take away from his relationship with you. It's NOT a competition.

I probably would never have married my current husband if he had told me I had to destroy all remnants of my previous marriage. It is part of me and my experiences. He does NOT have the right to tell me what prior experiences I get to remember and which ones he thinks I'm supposed to forget.

You can destroy the photos but it doesn't erase the memories or the experiences. It just doesn't work that way.

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Does he have children from his first marriage? If so, he should keep them for their sake. However, he should not display them - that would be creepy.

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My fiance does not have any children. He does not have any pictures from his first wedding. However he does have pictures of his XWW and his god-son. The photos are not displayed, they are in a box. I don't have a problem with him keeping the photos, after all, his Godson is calling me "Aunt IMO" and his XWW is long gone and forgotten.

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I still have all my wedding photos - boxed up and put away. Around the house I have a couple of pictures with XH in them - one is of us with our Godson, and another is of him in a wedding party of our mutual friends. I won't take them down - those people - all of them, including XH are a part of my life.

If he was displaying old wedding photos I'd wonder about that but I don't see any harm in keeping them.

Heck I still have pictures of old HS boyfriends in a photo album someplace. Of course I don't display them, but my kids have seen them and had a good chuckle about them!

I have kids and one day they will likely want to view the wedding pictures.

Some years ago my mother (my parents are also divorced) gave me her wedding album of pictures when she and my father married. She did burn her wedding dress (too bad, I would have loved to have worn it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> ) but she kept the photos and I'm glad she did. Despite the fact that they've hated each other for the last 30 years, it's nice to have those photos to remember that they did once love each other, and I was a product of *that* - not of the hatred that came later.

JMHO

JinGA


F/40, DD15 DS13 M 1989 DDay his EA May 1998. S Aug 2004. D Dec 05. I filed. 4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R. 6/23/07 XH said no to R. 8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B". 1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day. Ask me about Geocaching!
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My WXH didn't have an wedding photos fomr his first marriage in his apartment when I met him or in our home together. BUT he did have an album of photos from his first wedding at his parents' house which once I found out he was in his mother's bedroom looking at. My ever-so-slight indication of unhappiness over hat discovery was met with a flippant: "I had a life before I met you" remark and comments about me supposedly being 'jealous'...

Whatever - the loser isn't a part of my life anymore.

I'm looking forward to a happy future either alone or with a new husband AND either way I don't want old photos of my WXH displayed in my home. I have been thinking of boxing up all photos that include WXH and giving them to daughters as each moves away from home. I've also considered giving all those photos to my WXH just to get them out of my home.

I wanted to recycle my wedding dress into Christening outfits (trying to start a custom-made christening gown business) but my daughters objected. None of them plan on wearing my wedding gown themselves (it's too small for them anyway) so I don't know why they want me to hang on to it... I plan to bring up the idea of recycling it into christening outfits again. I am working on a christening layette right now that has lots of different vintage fabrix in it from different sources including one of my sister's wedding dress.

If/when I marry again I don't want my new husband to have to deal with reminders of my WXH around the home.

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Oh and also my WXH had his first wife's high school yearbook in our home throughout our marriage. Apparently he didn't purchase a yearbook and somehow ended up with hers. It has all these friends' comments about wishing them luck as a couple... Maybe his XW didn't want any reminders of him around and gave it to him when she divorced him? He left it here with me along with most of his stuff (figuring he could come and go as he pleased anyway).

My youngest daughter is visiting WXH right now and will be coming home in a couple of weeks (maybe sooner because WXH doesn't have internet access anymore for her to keep in touch with her friends back here). When he brings daughter home I plan to give him that old yearbook plus maybe some photos of him too.

Maybe then he will finally get it that I am NOT still waiting for him to come home or in any way going to 'come around' to thinking his serial adultery was OK (and that I just didn't react to it the right way)?

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I would just ask that they be boxed up. Just because he has them doesnt meaning he is holding onb to his past. They are a part of his past and getting rid of the photos wont ever change that. I have my first wedding photos in a box and even pictues of old boyfriends..some even from the 7th grade boyfriend, that doesnt mean I havent let go of the past.

NOW...If he has tem out in frames all over the house and is contantlt looking at them and mooning over them, that would be a concern


XH has multiple addictions. 26 year history of drug&alcohol problems, physical as well as emotional abuse.

Divorced 11-03

Engaged to former sweetheart from my youth, God is Good!

GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE!!!!! Passed my first (and hardest) of 3 medical boards 10-12-07

I am trusting God.

if you keep you face to the sunshine; you will never see the shadows Helen Keller
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Interesting question....I have been divorced for four years - no kids - and I still have my wedding photos. They are boxed up and in the crawl space - and I remember fretting over what to do with them. I just couldn't bring myself to throw them away - they represent a chapter in my life - it was full of joy and love at that time - part of my history.

My BF of over 2 1/2 years has on display a few family photos that have his Ex wife in them, along with his kids when they were small and his deceased parents. I think it's normal - they are cherished family memories and she is a part of his past - she's the one who gave him those three great kids - and she will always be a part of his life.

I can't see myself ever asking him to take them down.

Laura


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I deleted all pics I had with ex wife and even girlfriends from my computer, and threw away all gifts unless they had a utilitarian purpose.

I never wanted my wife to think I was having fond memories or holding on to the past.

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I destroyed everything from my marriage.

I want no reminders.

Whoever I marry will need to reciprocate, or it's a dealbreaker.


I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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I believe your husband has the right to keep mementos of his past. There are limits though. I could not abide seeing framed wedding pictures displayed in places of honor or in excess. My limit would be that he keeps the album someplace among his belongings, and I would not mess with it.

Is he D'd or widowed?

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I believe your husband has the right to keep mementos of his past. There are limits though.

I agree 100% - I couldn't see myself asking my BF to get rid of his stuff, as that would be like asking him to erase his past.


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My best friend's wedding photo has a prominent position in my bedroom. My ex-H and I stood up for them...so technically, I have a photo of my ex in my bedroom. It doesn't bother my H a bit.


Married 6 years on July 23, 2011--no issues and deeply in love--thanks, MB!

I'm convinced that I'm married to the most wonderful man alive....

I hear and I forget. I see and I believe. I do and I understand. Confucius (B.C. 551-479)


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