I have known people who TRY.. but.. still seems to be resentment... I'm not looking for fantasy answers..

Someone please be honest with me.. is it possible for love and trust and ENJOYMENT of the sexual union to ever freely thrive again? I personally know NO people who have gone through this who can say YES. I've seen them stay together.. but.. there is just too much in need of repair and no one who really seems to know what to do. I personally do not see how it is possible... maybe it's just not for me? Maybe I'm too... weak? too needy?

Hi Petermg,

Welcome to MB!

Yes, there are many couples here that have rebuilt their M...

I can honestly say that Mrs. RIF and I have worked through all of our past A issues and that our M is stronger and more fullfilling for both of us than it ever was.

Rebuilding your M isn't an easy or painless process and it doesn't happen overnight. There are many ups and downs.

Are you the BS (Betrayed Spouse) or the WS (Wayward Spouse)? The rebuilding perspective for each is a bit different, but the MB program will give you both a clear path, that if followed, will give you the best chance of rebuilding...

Read up on some of the articles here, and reads some of the posts... there are some great people from both sides of the fence that are rebuilding their M...

Semper Fi,

RIF

Yes. Absolutely. No fantasy. The truth.

Peter, are you married or divorced?

I was the BS. I have been divorced for about 4 years. She was not willing to be honest and really work on things. She kept lying and I was unwilling to continue in a lie. I gave her some time, but was not willing to just lay down and play dead. And later on I found out that she was CONTINUING in her actions. I guess I just don't like the feelings of powerlessness when one spouse wants things to work and the other just won't...

Peter...from three years out...absolutely yes.

YO Pete, seems you have two MB screen names. This might confuse folks as they attempt to respond to your inquiry. Perhaps stick to one screen name?

PMG
Junior Member
Reged: 11/01/06
Posts: 4

petermg
Member
Reged: 03/15/03
Posts: 200

Believe me you can. Yes it seems like am the wrong person to be saying this since I am failing to recover myself but I have seen other come out of it. Battered and bruised but still loving. It's the intentions of the heart that really matter. If you love him and he loves you then surely something good will work out. All things work out for good for those who love the Lord. Thats what keeps me hoping.

Resilient, I would, but whenever I post from the original screen name, if I try to go back to my post, it says page not found.. there is something wrong with that account. ANyhow, that's OT..

I just want honest answers. I know that we as people have a tendency to be able to deceive ourselves and be in denial about things, and I'm looking for someone who seems to be... able to admit where they have done that and how they got through it.

Purging your browser cookies may resolve that.

AMEN..after 4 years..Happily recovered...

Only posting today cause MY LOVERBOY is out of town...calling me almost hourly....I miss him....

Peter...

I'm confused as to why you are asking now...Are you considering reconciling with your wife? If so, what ACTIONS has she taken to show you that she has changed? Can you give us some background info?

To answer your original question, YES, it is very possible...but it is very much a team effort...no half assed efforts will work...Mr. W and I are happier now than we've ever been...(We both post here, so he can confirm that for you if need be)...Just the other night I told him how very much I love him and how very loved by him that I feel-His response was that I have never been more loved by him and he feels very loved by me too...We are just loving life together...(We are 2.5 years from Dday)...

Working the MB program in your marriage WORKS...But then again Peter, some people just aren't able to get past the resentment...It sounds like your wife may have compounded her betrayal of you by continuing to lie to you for a long time-you know, it's okay not to be able to get past that-doesn't make you a failure...sometimes divorce IS success in those situations...I hope you aren't being too hard on yourself...Betrayal and continued lying are HUGE deals...It doesn't mean that you are "weak" or "too needy" if you don't wish to continue to be with the person that did that to you...Strength can mean walking away from that yanno? (((Peter)))

Mrs. W

I am very happily married to my husband and our marriage just gets better and better every day. There are numerous others here who can say the same. My H and I have actually MET several of them.

Peter,

For your old screen name...after the new board was installed, many of us had that problem. Really a pain. I eventually solved mine (took a year) by changing my settings in My Home...I forget which one now, but would be happy to share them. I did this for another poster and it solved their page not found problem, too, after logging in.

I look forward to your responses to these great posters.

LA

Hi Peter - Full marital recovery is possible. We are 2+ years out from d-day and are very, very happy.

Since this thread has been started I am going to jump on it with a question.

Even though its been along time for the A's,,and more info about more A's just came out, I never really let my guard down, not sure if I have a "healthy" guard up, always watching to see who he is talking to at parties, going through pockets, checking anything and everything that I can check, its been on my mind so bad, I am only 6 mos out with new info.

here's the question, Do you ever stop thinking about it? and when you do think about it, what is the reason you think about it?

recovered here - 6 years. His affair is rarely a topic in our home, except on the occaision that we provide support to friends and family that we think might be able to learn from our experiences. It's not swept under the rug...there's no hidden resentments or triggers. It's just not really relevant to our current relationship or life. We have entirely different tools and habits now that we didn't have then.