Hi Mel,

Congratulations on the wedding. Was your experience as mother of the bride as easy as mine? What an absolute joy not to have to make all those decisions.

It was pretty nice actually!! I did help out somewhat with all the tables, linens and catering, but I pretty much let her do all the choosing and I just pulled out the checkbook! Isn't it so wonderful to see your kids grow into adults?

This was exactly my experience, pull out the checkbook. Yes it is. It has been somewhat hard because I'm such a control freak, but hubby is reminding me of our future and how it's OUR time and so there seems to be a peace settling in that they are raised, about to all live on their own and we can thank g-d for what we have.

How are you doing?

As for the accident, there were 4 people in the car. They weren't driving drunk or drugs involved, thank g-d. But the driving was driving way too fast. It was so sad that someone had to die, someone who has so much potential in life, someone who had an amazing walk with G-d. I remember at the time thinking g-d took the wrong one, that my son, as much as I love him, wasn't half this person. But this isn't my decision, it's my grace to be grateful for what I have.

The young man who was driving is in jail. We don't know how long he will be there for and hopefully he doesn't go to prison. He seems to be doing ok, taking responsibility and not trying to further borden the family who lost their child, but it's hard. He was an 18 year old who just made a stupid mistake and he will have to pay for it the rest of his life. But then there was a life lost and they will have to live with it the rest of their life.

True to form Vladi was here asking whether I had gotten what I wanted and if not did I have the courage to leave my marriage. I saw that post Vladi, and at the time I simply chose not to answer because I was afraid. And here I am today, thinking you know what, it's not your life, it's mine. So no Vladi, there is no SF between us. It is an issue in my life, but I gotta say I'm not afraid to leave anymore. I just don't want to.

My marriage is absolutely NOTHING like it was before. There is a commitment to us that has never been before. There is a spirit of love between us that has grown. There is a gentleness that has never existed. We enjoy begin with each other, we cuddle, we kiss, we talk, we spend time together. We give each other space to learn about ourself.

We have traveled to more places than ever before. I am not stupid, I hold him accountable to his time, I watch his calls, I read his emails, I keep watch for ANY signs. But ya know at some point it just doesn't matter what the past was. It's the present now. We have build a new life, a new marriage. We continue to go to AA and work our own program.

Is it perfect, no. I miss SF, but more importantly what I realized is that I love this man. NO OTHER MAN can give me the whole picture like this man. No one would have the history, no one would be my children's father, no one would be my grandson's papa. No one would just have one family the way we have it now. No other man will offer me this which in it's whole is more important that one single piece. Albeit a very strong one.

We are friends, we share a life and whether most people want to really hear this, I made a vow till death do us part and I can't leave because of that vow. Because through all this, I have to remember my g-d has my back and he provides me with everything I need, not necessarily everything I want.

I came here a broken person with a destroyed marriage and no real hope of it healing. I worked my butt off to become what G-d envisioned for me, and left the work to my husband in G-ds hands. And when it was G-d's timing we found our way back to each other and it has far exceeded my hopes or desires.