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Sharks instinctively sense and know when there is blood in the water. They are attracted to the bleeding prey. It's natures way.

For quite some time, to not place myself in any form of temptation... I have avoided social settings outside work, church, and necessary family functions.

Even in work settings, even at church, at the grocery store, etc. I am hit on. I am not honestly so certain that it is personal attraction or if it is the animal nature like sharks of sensing blood in the water. A sense of a vulnerable person whose EN's are unmet, who is wounded, who is vulnerable.

When I, for the sake of allowing my ex access to me, just do the innocent thing of regularly going to our local McDonalds for morning coffee and reading the newspaper... I have to wonder. How many guys will hit on me? There's definitely blood in the water. And all the yelling and hatred and attacks against me here have only heightened my awareness of my own unmet needs.

I never said I was invincible because my understanding of scripture is quite conservative. I never said I would not fall nor was I incapable of same. I've set safeguards into my life to limit public exposure of all men to me... not only my ex. I'm not so sure that it's it's anything physical at all. It may merely be blood in the water.

And as far as ppl, Mrs. W, being "helpful" in attacking me for at least going to the man who is God's will for me to reconcile to get my EN's met to avert disaster... "helping me".. oh the contrary.

I"m bleeding quite profusely right now... and God only knows if I'll fall over the cliff... in the wrong direction.

Thanks.


Thanks a lot to those who have wounded me.

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Now that I am sufficiently wounded... and depressed... I will tell you what "the fog" is to me. The fog begins with a wound. It begins with some form of loss, harm, or attack that wounds the soul. Then the what I would term emotional "blood" pouring out of the wound... is the fog.

It floods one's soul... to whatever extent the emotional "blood" is pouring... and influences one's decision-making... bringing one under the powers of hurt and pain.

When one makes a decision out of that fog... out of unmet needs... out of hurt and pain... that is the fog... and that is sin.

How I now feel, I care much less if I fall. I am much more susceptible to the will of another taking over my own and just not resisting and going along in an effort to medicate my pain.

That is what a "soulmate" means to me. Two people medicating each other's pain and bonding at an emotional level out of hurt and pain... not moved, imo, by the good powers of true love.

Because I am not "legally married" at this time, none of those blind among you would call what I will do "adultery". You would call it "dating".

But I know better than that. And at this point, the hurt and pain has so influenced me... though I care... I don't care enough to not do it.

I haven't felt this hurt or this "needy" in quite a long time.

Thanks.

Thanks again for so forcefully coming against what I knew to be the leading of the Holy Spirit and so weakening me that at this point... I do care I know... but I don't care at an emotional level I can feel.

This, to me, is loss of sanctification in my soul... and postures a person to make a decision like those who are unsanctified.

Fog alert.

Blood in the water.

Pain in my soul.

Depression.

Woundedness.

And a number of you are already on ignore. And any that comments to me anywhere in aggression out of your own hurt and pain instead of gentleness and care may join that party.

Me? I'm having a pity party in depression out of woundedness... looking over the edge of the cliff... not going to jump... not sure what will happen.

That's the risk I took when I came out of withdrawal.

One either restores by the Spirit... or one is more susceptible to falling, imo.

Thanks.

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I have a client I like. He looks at me with puppy dog eyes... and probably only does business with me because he likes me... and gives me puppy dog looks.

He's divorced. I'm divorced. My Christian values relative to not dating? Gone with the wind, baby... Gone with the wind.

Such is the nature of the fog.

There are so many who have just been waiting for me to weaken... imo.

It's dangerous for me to walk out the door... my vulnerability at this point is so weak... that as far as my resolve according to my values... it's emotionally dead.

My decision-making emotional makeup has changed.

And, by no means, am I considering marriage.

It's the equivalent of shacking up anyway... imo... for me.

That understanding isn't going to change, I don't believe.. but now it's just a question of who I will date.

A person cannot feel what I feel and just be depressed.

Something has to give... and if the es doesn't "show up" at McyD's... for the very first time... I think I'm prepared to surrender my Christian values.

That's the risk I took when I came out of withdrawal... willing to pursue reconciliation to get my needs met.

Very fragile... knowing without sufficient support... most likely, I'd be moved in what in my heart of hearts I believe to be the wrong direction.

I'm not strong enough, I don't believe... to fail to fall for someone as kind as my client who looks me in the eyes with the same hurt and need I'm now feeling... and who clearly looks at me with such wonder and high standing in his eyes.

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Oh....

I am hoping that you find the help that you need.

I do not think that anyone on this site can help you...can you call someone? A parent...a child...anyone that can aid you in getting the help that you need?

committed

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And as far as ppl, Mrs. W, being "helpful" in attacking me for at least going to the man who is God's will for me to reconcile to get my EN's met to avert disaster... "helping me".. oh the contrary.

Um, Back I didn't "attack" you-I'm not even sure if you are saying that I did or not...I asked you questions...I'm sorry that you felt attacked by me...Really that wasn't my intent...

Let me be completely honest with you...I'm human too...A few of your posts to my husband, Mr. W, seemed inappropriate to me, and I questioned them, but decided, it was probably just me...then someone on the board commented about it and validated what I originally felt...So perhaps you felt my "protective"/"territorial" feelings come through in my posts to you...Sorry 'bout that-infidelity issues being discussed tend to heighten a lot of emotions as you know...

Now, here's the thing about your posts here as *I* see them...They seem to invite challenge...There is a certain defensiveness, hostility and even superiority to them...Kind of a "know it all" quality that doesn't seem to really want advice and I believe that is what others are responding to-you don't give a lot of specific info and don't answer specific questions about your situation-EVEN to those who have not "attacked" you-instead you seem to preach-not really a great venue to do that, yanno? Remember that when you say things that appear to say that "the WS couldn't help it", that notion attacks others where they are hurting-I'm sure you can see why that wouldn't work in your best interest here, right? As Christians, you and I both know that coming at things with a humble heart is the best way, though not always the easiest...So maybe you could try that if you really would like to have support-there is no shame in saying something like "Hey, I think I went about this the wrong way, perhaps if I try another way things would be different here"-Really I see that type of response as the stronger and better one-lots of integrity in admitting that maybe you were part of the problem...What do you think?

Also Back are you taking care of yourself lately? How much are you sleeping? Eating? Are you able to work? You sound pretty stressed out...How is all of this turmoil affecting your everyday life?

God Bless,

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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Back...

Something else that I wanted to ask about...I noticed in one of your posts to Mr. W you said something about if God chose to open his eyes...Do you feel that God has "opened your eyes"? Perhaps somehow specially annointed you so that you see things that not all others see? If so, could you tell me what that experience was like? Also, so that I might better understand where you are coming from, would you mind sharing what denomination that you are affiliated with?

As a sort of "quid pro quo", I was raised Southern Baptist, Mr. W was raised Methodist and we currently attend a non-denominational chruch...


God Bless,

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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Hi Back,

I think you should not rely on MB for support with your situation.

I think your best bet is to continue seeing your Therapist or Psychologist. Or, perhaps setup a phone counseling session with the Harley's. They are the professionals, not us.

God Bless,
Jo

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And Back, if you make a "choice" to start dating your client then that is YOUR choice. No one else is responsible for that nor any other choices you make in your life.

To imply otherwise is to claim victimhood for yourself.

An MB saying we have is "You can only control you".

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I am not reading any comments at this time.

And, committed, you're on ignore. Please take your hate out elsewhere.

Others, maybe later. I'm too vulnerable.

I went to work today. Another co-worker was there. He wanted to take me to lunch. He agrees that going to McyD's is a great idea to sit in a neutral manner just to be available.

I stopped and bought a book "Darker Than Night" and read it. I may buy another book or 2 tomorrow and read them. (It's a novel about 2 hunters who disappeared. A good book.)

I feel better having given my attention elsewhere. Still vulnerable. Not open to be further attacked.

Good advice to tell a man whose fiance is pregnant (and he's never had sex with her)... to break the engagement?

Depends. If it's Joseph and he tells you, "No, she's done nothing wrong."... you might think yourselves wise to "help him" to "see things".. "your way."

But you'd be wrong... no matter what your own logic tells you.

I'm too vulnerable, really, to hear logic contrary to what I know to be true. My hurt is to exposed. I don't really want to open an old wound... but there's no way around it. I'm opening my heart to love my ex again. I know it's right.

And there's no way that wound will ever be healed, really, outside "getting back in alignment" with God's perfect will.

That means reconcilation.

If it "will work" is outside my control. There's God's will in relation to my ex's will... and there's some issues with my own ability to "walk out" what I would walk out if I was perfect. Unfortunately, I'm not there yet.

But I'm most concerned now with healing from people ripping at an open wound rather than pouring in the oil and the wine.

Guard diligently one's heart... for out of it are the issues of life.

I can't afford to be further wounded. I'm in a very self-protective kind of way.

Maybe later... when I'm less vulnerable.

If anybody made nice comments, thanks.

I'm just in a very "low risk" kind of way right now... I'll not be reading them for a while in case any comments would do more harm than good when I'm not in any way strong enough to not be hurt, impacted,... and thereby moved in a wrong way.

It's not a mistake to open my heart... though it makes me very vulnerable in a wounded state.

I'm just wrong to expose it... where it's not safe.

The goal is to move to open that heart so it can connect... and be connected... by God's Spirit again... not attacked and viciously abused... or misguided by those who are callous and misdirected relative to God's true course and plan for my life.

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Because I am not "legally married" at this time, none of those blind among you would call what I will do "adultery". You would call it "dating".



I found www.rejoiceministries.org to be a wonderful resource for "standing" and the pitfalls of dating.


FWH 50 BS 50 S 12 D 16,20 DOM 08/1983 Divorce final 7/19/07
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Because I am not "legally married" at this time, none of those blind among you would call what I will do "adultery". You would call it "dating".

Having sex with a married person is not dating, lady. You might call it dating, but none of the others here would.

AGG


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I got put through such incredible hades when the purity of my heart was attacked.

I'm feeling better. I'm not open to further attack.

I don't ever want to feel that level pain again.

God bless.

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Pure as your heart may be BACK, you did indeed "DATE" someone other than your ex-husband where YOU claim to still be spiritually married to him.

You can't have it both ways, BACK.

"I'm still married to my ex-husband in God's eyes, but it was okay to date because I made a mistake. And, I might make more of those type mistakes because people on MB are being mean to me, so it will be their fault and God will understand".

Take ownership and responsibility for YOUR choices, BACK. Its the grown up thing to do.

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Hey Jo, nice to see you!!!

Hope things are good in your world!!!

Dawn


BS 49
Divorced 10 yrs/married 21 yrs
Life is good and I am happy!
Engaged to be married on the 4th of August 2012!
30yoS&DIL & 2 gson/27yoD-Divorced & 3 gson/21yoD
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Something has to give... and if the es doesn't "show up" at McyD's... for the very first time... I think I'm prepared to surrender my Christian values


Then you never had them in the first place.

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You can't have it both ways, BACK.


Oh, she can have it both ways...because she either is making this all up or changing her "morality" to meet the moment. I think it is just a story from the latest dis tractor here on MB. Bottom line though..either way, this person needs some serious intervention from a medical doctor that can prescribe medications.

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I'm just enjoying the fact that someone is more messed up than I am.

I've discovered that most who use the "christian values" carp bend it to their own liking or to strike out at others.


I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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This woman is either a troll or mentally ill.

Has anyone reported her to the Mods? I think if she's mentally ill, it would be best....

This person definitely needs some kind of professional intervention.....


Married 6 years on July 23, 2011--no issues and deeply in love--thanks, MB!

I'm convinced that I'm married to the most wonderful man alive....

I hear and I forget. I see and I believe. I do and I understand. Confucius (B.C. 551-479)

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This one appeared at the same time some other fundie ramming sanctamonious "christian values" down our throats under the guise of "trying to help", left.


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This thread is full of win


The opposite of love isn't hate...it's indifference
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This thread is full of win


What does that mean?


Married 6 years on July 23, 2011--no issues and deeply in love--thanks, MB!

I'm convinced that I'm married to the most wonderful man alive....

I hear and I forget. I see and I believe. I do and I understand. Confucius (B.C. 551-479)

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