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Joined: Oct 2007
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Since 8/25/07, we have been to the MC about a dozen times between individual and couple appointments. More than once my wife has asked me what I have been getting out of it if anything and expressing her doubts about what it is acheiving. I know for sure the best thing it has done so far is to give us insights into our personalities by taking the Myers Briggs personality tests. It is scary how accurate the resulting description is of yourself. We were both in awe. That helped me enormously in understanding what is really important to my wife and how she interprets the world.

Other than that I feel like yeah the counselor is good at relationship issues but I don't feel she is "leading" us anywhere. Counselor just keeps telling my WW to keep journaling and that she doesn't have to decide right now whether to commit to our marriage yet.

I certainly don't feel like there is any type of plan or any instructions for us as to how to recover our marriage. My own extensive reading has been way more effective than for me to pay $90 to have someone listen to me babble for an hour. Mostly counselor just validates our feelings and says you have a right to feel that way so now lets address it and hopefully work through built up resentments.

Anyone care to post the best ideas or strategies you have gotten?? One woman at work says her counselor once suggested that hubby and her hold hands for 15 minutes a day without talking about issues.

Marriage Counseling: Effective or Not?
single choice
Votes accepted starting: 12/03/07 12:39 PM
You must vote before you can view the results of this poll.

God's goal for marriage: Become ONE! How? MBer methods.
Me:husband 42
wife, 40
married 1/12/1991
3 children, 1 granddaughter
Joined: May 2002
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Quote
Anyone care to post the best ideas or strategies you have gotten??


Can't participate in the poll because the questions seem too restrictive.

In answer to your questions:

1. Obedience to God regardless of how we might be "feeling."

2. NO contact with the OP, the affair ENDS now!

3. Trust, unless given a reason not to trust.

4. Mandatory attendance in church to hear the Word of God and feel the presence of God in our lives. This is NOT a "do it yourself" sort of situation to try to "fix."

God bless.

edited to add one more "small" thing:

I got my wife and marriage back.

Last edited by ForeverHers; 12/03/07 01:05 PM.
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You will see the following opinions here on MB over and over again:

1) Most "marriage counselors" are really divorce counselors. They know little to nothing about saving a marriage, but they WILL help you get a divorce and feel good about it.

2) The goal of most marriage counselors is to end conflict. (See #1 above.) If they can get a fighting couple to separate and withdraw from each, and therefore stop the conflict, they've done their job as far as they're concerned.

3) Any marriage counseling is a complete waste of time and money so long as one or both partners is involved in an affair.

If you really want MARRIAGE counseling, then call the Harleys at the number listed on this website.

If the affair is over and both spouses are trying to recover, they can talk to both of you.

If the affair is ongoing, they can at least talk to the betrayed spouse and help them get a plan to end the affair and fight for the marriage.

If you feel you can't afford the phone counseling with the Harleys - and remember, divorce is a whole lot more expensive - you can at least get a couple of the books and study up on those.

My husband and I went to three different counselors. He refused to talk to any of the Harleys. The first two counselors told me I was "angry" and should stop being "angry". The third one told me that he was living his life without me and I should stop putting my life on hold for him - that I was not going to have any life at all unless I went out and made one for myself.

She was right.
Mulan


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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FH,
Thanks again. You responded to my post before and I understand the difference between biblical and secular counseling advice. Our MC has Christian beliefs but not straight forward Christian advice as you indicate above. I know I need those rules in my life too and I think WW is coming around to that view.

I continue to seek God for answers. All weekend I thanked God for his miracles: Wednesday she admitted OM called her again which led to a conversation between us that led to her starting to read SAA. She didn't have to share that phone conversation with me, I know God was intervening to get her to open up. Friday when I got home from work she was making one of my favorite snacks, chili cheese dip. And she brought a Reeses Peanut Butter cup all the way to the bedroom just for me. Saturday after decorating the tree with the children, she held up the mistletoe and kissed me! I know these seem small but in the middle of surviving an affair, they are nothing if not Godsends!


God's goal for marriage: Become ONE! How? MBer methods.
Me:husband 42
wife, 40
married 1/12/1991
3 children, 1 granddaughter
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 9,015
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(((((bigpicture)))))

Sounds VERY promising.

Be ready for the "down" days too, and take them one day at a time.

Count your blessings that your wife told you about the phone. That sort of thing has never happened here, and I believe that is a HUGE indication of "where your wife's head is" in all of this.

God bless.


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