Folks,

I have been thinking about this for a long time. Many people have left this site after posting for many years and many of them did it with little fanfare or just drifted off. I was thinking of doing the same thing. But, I felt it might be proper to say a few things before I leave.

First am I leaving forever? I think so, but maybe I need to get some separation for awhile.

I have been reflecting about all that has happened in my life since I started reading here ,Feb. 99 and first registered, Aug. 99. I have had kids graduate from HS, college, survive cancer, survive other life threatening illnesses. Believe me nothing I read here ever got to me as much as the thought of losing a child. And I believe those of you who do have children need to get some things in perspective especially if you fear being honest with your spouse whether you are the BS or a WS. Your needs, your fears, your desires will NOT replace a child or the joy of rearing them.

I stumbled upon this site all those years ago because I was emotionally lost in my marriage. I felt like a pay check and other than that contribution my W would care less if I left. I learned here that my point of view was wrong. I learned how to look at my marriage and MY actions and thoughts. I learned to ask for what I wanted from my W. I learned to see her behavior in a whole new light. In short my perspective was completely changed and so was my marriage.

Another thing I learned here was that this was a place for people to show, time and time again, great strength, great dedication, a deep trust in their faith. I truly believe this is a place to see people at their best while hurting and fearing things at a level they have never before experienced. But just as importantly this is a place where perspectives change and where people learn to overcome their “feelings”, their knee jerk reactions and stay the course.

I have made friends here, most in cyber space, but a few in real life and I must say the real life experiences were even more impressive than my impressions from cyber space. There are a lot of really good people here. I will miss these friends although fewer and fewer seem to post these days.

Finally, I can truly say that everyday that I logged onto this site, I learned something new. I learned more about relationships, but even more I learned more about myself. As I would think about how to answer someone posting here whether a BS or WS I would ask myself if I were that person what would I need, how would I feel, what would I be missing or not seeing? AS I did this year after year, I learned more.

I want leave here encouraging all of you to learn, to have multiple perspectives, to know how to apologize, to know how often people can be helped if one takes the time to listen to the poster and really hear what they are trying to say, even if they don’t say it. I do believe I have written far more questions to posters than I have ever offered advice or directions. I encourage each of you to help others by asking questions of the new posters.

So to all of you THANK YOU for all you have done for me. For all that you have taught me. This is a special place treat it as such.

God Bless,

JL

PS: I have posted this on several of the boards here as over the years I have posted on most of them at one time or another.

You will really be missed, and I'm sorry to see you leave. Hope you will check in from time to time. I always thought you should be a therapist instead of a physicist. Good luck and we'll always remember you.

Wow,

I feel short changed that I didn't get to know you better. My heart wishes you only happiness on your next journey and life and hope you know that there are SO MANY of us who still need the VETERANS wisdom and help.

I can't say for sure, but I imagine you touched so many lives. Take care of yourself and be happy.

And for those who you touched, thank you,

With respect,
SG

Thank you JL, for your years of dedication and service.

You will be missed.

Mark

JL, you will be sorely missed. You have been a good friend over the years and I have learned so much from you. You have made an invaluable contribution to this board that won't be easily replaced.

Take care, friend, and if you are ever in Texas, give me a shout and we can do lunch! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for your help JL, both to me personally and to the site as a whole. I have not had the pleasure of interacting with you enough, but you have posted in my threads and helped me through a very tough time in my life, and I greatly appreciate it.

You have definitely given back as much as anyone else here, so enjoy your break, or your retirement if that's what it ends up being. Hopefully the rest of us can pick up the slack and fill the void your absense will leave.

Thanks again, you will be missed!

Awwww JL,,my dear friend.

We have been here a long long time and I sincerely hope you just take a breather and don't stay away long. You have so much to offer to the MB members and will be seriously missed. I remember even when you were a new poster on this board, you helped me learn & understand so much. Remember your post about the way men talk & listen? That was a real eye opener for me and I have thought about your words often.

Take a break,,,

But COME BACK!!! We need you!

Hey JL,

I'm going to miss your wise, comforting words.

Thanks for all that you've done here... MB is a better place because of you.

Semper Fi,

RIF

Dear JL,

although i fear (ok, that was a bad choice of a word!!) that i have not managed to learn all i should be learning, you taught me so much. words cannot express my gratitude.

we have not directly exchanged words in many moons but i continued to read so many of your posts regardless and many of the words you did say directly to me are still in my head. i would not be where i am today if not for you. not sure if i would have been married still either way, but i know i would not who i am today had our paths not crossed.

thank you JL and God bless,

Karen

dear JL...thank you doesn't seem enough.

take care and know you will be missed!

I think its probably all of us that should be thanking you, JL. You have touched so many in your years here. So many marriages bettered because you gave of yourself. You won't be forgotten.

Take good care.

Jo

My dear JL and family,

How I will always remember you as the Professor and like a big brother who took the time to post to me during my hours of need <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I had and have always read your posts and learned soooo much. For that I will always be grateful.

Please don't be a stranger from MB. Your cyber friends like myself do have great respect for you and think of you and your family often. Your W is patient with your time spent here. For that again I am truly grateful.

Btw, I sooo much want to beg you to stay. If there is any chance of that working.... please let me know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

May blessings continue to be with you and your family.

Aloha,
LeAnne

Just Learning - Fare well!

Thank YOU for all the help you have selflessly given over the years. I especially want to thank you for all the help and advice you offered me when I first arrived here at MB, at a time when I really saw little to "hope for" in saving my marriage. It was most generous of you to take your time to extend some caring, and some straighforward, comments and suggestions and advice. It was then, and remains now, most appreciated.

I shall miss your presence as I do so many others who were here "back then" too.

Perhaps some day you will pass this way again. If you do, dropping off a "pearl of wisdom" as you pass will always be appreciated. There will always be so many in need, that is the one "constant" that is truly the sad reality.

Sincere best wishes for all the future holds for you.

God bless you and yours.

JL,

Thanks for being such a classy guy. Please take time occasionally to let us know how things are going with you and Mrs. JL and the kids and grandkids.

May God continue to bless you and give you ways to continue to contribute to the betterment of mankind, like you've contributed here on MB. It's been a pleasure to read all your posts, especially those to Marriedfor30+yrs. She and her professor H can thank you directly for their success (imho)...and I will 'thank you' on her behalf if she doesn't see these farewell threads to do so herself.

God Bless you as you go for now,
Ace

JL:

Eight Years?

That, my friend, is a Long time.

But there was a reason you were here so long, and reason you returned so often.

Compassion.
Knowledge.
Both gained and imparted.
How much better youcould get at relationships.

When you posted to somebody, I knew that it was going to be something good, well thought out, and made to get the poster to think about, in a significantly deeper fashion, thier sitch. And that helped even me.

The packages we carry, can be a burden, like a pack mule, or a blessing, like Santa.

The packages you carried onto the site so, so long ago, were at first a burden, but then became a blessing to all that followed.....

Travel well!

LG

JL,

I know I wouldn't have experienced recovery, neither personal nor marital, with your posts to me and others.

You brought God's message through example...I know I could point to you to say, "Look, do as he does, and says...he walks the walk."

You're a blessing to this board...your posts remain for others to search and find, be fed and loved through them. They stand.

You were present proof, like Bramblerose, of what this board used to be, IMO. Like an end of an era, it seems.

Saying I'm going to miss you doesn't come close.

Thank you so much for who you are.

LA

To you, JL, a warm, fuzzy, platonic hug from one of your great admirers in cyberspace! (((((((((JL))))))))))

God bless and thank you!

JL ~ I completely understand.

Thank you for your calm, uplifting presence on these boards. I'm proud to have "known" you over the years.

JL

you have helped so many of us you probably won't remember everyone. Your posts about how men process things was so helpful for me personally. I wish you great joy in your future with all your family and friends and perhaps you may even choose to drop in now & then to say hello.

God speed

AW <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I learned much from you, JL, and will miss your calming presence and your voice of reason.

Thank you.

Lori