I cannot believe I am writing this post. I have lurked and even occasionally posted here in the past, but it has been over a year. I read this forum out of curiosity alone. I never imagined that I would be the subject of a post.
My husband had been acting distant from me for about a month or so. I kept asking him what was going on, but he would just say, it's work, or something like that. Well, the day after Christmas break- he sat me down and told me he was leaving. No reason, really- just the ole- I'm not in love with you anymore blah blah blah.....
I reasoned with him, and even unfortunately begged him to stay. He still left. I was very suspicious that he was cheating, but still trusting that he may just be under a lot of stress.

I went online today to check my cell phone bill usage and noticed exhorbitant text charges. Since neither of us use text, I was immediately suspicious. I got a detail and their was the proof in the pudding. He has been texting, receiving texts, calling, and receiving calls several- I mean SEVERAL times a day since November 9th. Every day. From one number

I call the number and ask who it is. I get hung up on. I call back tell her who I am, who my husband is, etc. She hangs up again. My cell phone rings. Guess WHO??? My DH.
Why am I bothering his friend, he asks- because, you know, that is all they are, you know.

He swears that she is married and her and her husband talk to him about our marriage, and they were just trying to help him through a rough time. I said oh, ok, I can see that. But I am sure you can understand why I would need to call her husband just to verify that. Can I please have his number, because she just keeps hanging up on me.

That was enough to set him off. He ranted and raved about how I was not to 'bother' them and that is why he did not tell me about his new 'friends' because he wanted to have someone to talk to about our problems. I then told him that either he could give me his number so I could call, or I would get it myself.

That did it. He confessed as much as he felt he had to. He told me they had feelings for each other, but had never done anything Whatever-atleast I finallly knew the truth.

He talked to me for a long time, and confided in me that he had decided to end it with her after we broke up- and that he really was thinking he might want to make it work with us. (we had discussed this possibility before I found out)
I told him the only way I would consider even discussing reconciling is if he agreed to NC for life period. He said he could understand that, and would not have a problem with it. We talked for a long time, and in the end, he said he just needed time to think.

What do I do??????

Hi Liz,

I posted on your other thread in GQII...

Give the Harley's a call and schedule an appointment with them.

If you haven't exposed the A, I would do that as quickly as possible to anyone and everyone that you can think of that will help end this A.

Semper Fi,

RIF

Unfortunately, since he's been contacting her so frequently since Nov 9th, I doubt that's the truth. I suspect that the A has gone a lot further them just expressing their feelings for each other.

Still, the advice given has been good: NC must be established, and the OWH should be told.

Liz

I found out about my H's A in the same manner. Cell phone records. You can still recover your M, IF you want to. You need to expose the A as quickly as possible.

How to expose:

Come up with a plan of exposure. Read as much as you can here on exposure and how to plan A. This next point is CRITICAL. DO NOT tell your H that you are going to expose. I repeat - DO NOT tell your H or give him any warning whatsoever. To do so will enable him to come up with a story with the OW to put spin on the truth.

Why must you expose? Because exposure is ruinious to affairs. They cannot last when exposed to the light of day.

Who do you expose to? Your H's family, your family, friends and most importanly to the OW's husband. This is important and I know from whence I speak. My H tried to end his affair the day the OW's H found out. No one told me - the OW's H didnt come to me and tell me and guess what? The A continued in secret for another 2 months. The day I found out about his A, it ended.

If your H does not end the A after exposure, then take it is a step further. Expose to the HR dept. Its a workplace A? Im sure the company would not be happy.

Your H will be upset. He will say all kinds of awful things - threaten you, etc. Good. That means exposure is working, the heat is on. It is to be expected. Your M can survive that - it cant survive an A.

Liz, Do not listen to anything that your H is telling you now. His "wanting to work on things" is clearly a smokescreen intended to pacify you to calm you down long enough while the A goes deeper underground. He is trying to throw you off track because he is interested in protecting his A. DO NOT BELIEVE HIM.

As I said, if you want to recover your M, you can. But you need to follow a set plan.

Hang in there. You can do this. People here will help you.

He is not being truthful. Unless he tells all and is willing to have YOU expose to the H (if there really is one) do not even consider taking him back. A hard pill to swallow, but, trust me, easier than the one you will have to swallow if you allow this to continue.