I agree with you MyRevelation. I want to take care of what's left of my family first and then leave the the window of opportunity open for the WW if she changes her mind.

I hated that it came to this, but based on everything that is going on, I felt it was the path I needed to take. I have always loved my wife and probably always will but I'm not going to wait forever for her to come back. There is too much pain I feel right now and I don't think I could continue feeling this way for much longer.

As far as plan A, it is so hard to show improvement to the WW when I cannot even see and show her these improvements. I did get some opportunities when she was leading me on in the first 5 weeks after she moved out, maybe that was some food for her thought. I really need to start the plan B, but I still am waiting on SAA to read to understand all the basics to it.

I will survive. I am ready to move on, I have to.

wrk

If wrk wants to put financial assets ahead of saving his marriage than that is what correct for him.

I think that the opportunity to plan A has past. wrk should still work on improving himself so that he will be more attractive for a new relationship or if his WW comes back looking to recover their marriage. They will not be the first couple to do so.

WW will most likely come back because the odds are that the OM will dump her as soon as he finds the bigger better deal. What 29 year old guy is going to want to keep a 48 year old woman. No matter how hot a mature milf is, guys like the OM are always on the look for a 25 year old future milf.

It is time for wrk to go plan B now. This will keep him from further hurt and a good chance that it will force the WW to end her fence sitting cake eating ways. It is not correct to drag the children into the fight. It would be a bonus if their children did not want to see their WM wayward mom when she is around the OM or did a plan B themselves.

Thanks TheRoad,

I received SAA yesterday and have been reading and studying it. I also feel that my next step would be plan B. Do you think I should start it now?

Anyone else on this board ever gotten divorced and then reconciled their marriage later, or know of couples going thru a silmilar situation as mine?

Thanks,
wrk

wrk:

You might want to look up an old MBer by the name of Jack55. You'll have to go back about 6 years.

His sitch was almost identical to yours. He ended up speedily divorced, talking about things in essentially the same terms you are here. And he almost as speedily remarried (to a new wife, not his xW).

Last I heard, he was doing well, but he had only just gotten married to his new W at that point. It'd be interesting to see how he's doing now.

-Qfwfq

Thanks Qfwfq,

I did a search for Jack55 but could not find any links to him.

wrk

wrk:

For some reason when I log in as Q, I can't do searches like this, so I'm back as 2!

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...true#Post736698
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post1075794

There are more in between threads, but you can find them by clicking on his username and listing "show user's posts".

-ol' 2long

Thanks for the links 2long,

Jack55 sounds alot like me. I really would like to reconcile with the WW but I have a hard time waiting for her A and soon to be marriage to OM end. I really don't think a marriage between a 29 year old OM and my soon to be divorced 48 year old WW will last. But I have left the WW know that I would be willing to give it a try if/when it ends even though we will be divorced.

wrk

I just wanted to give an update on my situation. WW and OM are flying down to Florida next week. This whole thing is starting to get a little easier to swallow now that I have decided to move on. I am pretty sure one day she will wake up and smell the coffee so to speak. Then she will be faced with the hard facts of "what the heck have I done?"

Thanks again everyone for all the advice. It definately helped me through one of the toughest periods of my life.

Taake care.

wrk

Latest on my situation.

WW has already purchased her wedding dress. She isn't wasting any time. Our divorce is scheduled for April 14th. Seems like this wedding between my 48 year old WW and 29 year old OM(boy) had been in the plans for some time.

I just don't get it, probably never will.

wrk

wrk:

When it dissolves, the dress should still fit if you want her back...

LG

Maybe it will still fit lousygolfer, but if I would still want her back? Time will tell.

Who knows, their marriage may work out even though the odds/stats are against it lasting over 5 years.

Thanks again,
wrk

Been in plan B for a little over a month. Today my daughter and I were shopping and ran into WW. I moved on and my daughter stopped to talk for a little while. Man it was weird, I am sure I did the right thing, but it was really strange seeing her again.

wrk

Yes you did do the right thing.... I am very sure that beneath it all at the back of her mind lurks the thought that no matter what she does she can come back to you if she 'needs' to.
A good Plan B puts that in doubt and I would not be surprised if she had made sure she just met the two of you by 'accident'... planned accident of course. I would also think your walking away hit her right where it hurts. Though she would die first before letting you see it.

And I do not think a M or realtionship between them will last. Sooner or later the OM will start going out with women nearer his age and interests....... but will still expect your WW to support him is my guess. He's a classic user and it will come to the surface like icky scum and yes I do think your WW will wake up...... maybe far too late if its not that for you already.

Have you thought of contacting one of the Harleys? You realise they are very very experienced and have heard it all?? I don't know what they would say or advise however they do work on plans for each persons own situation they may give you something you have not done and wouldn't it be great to be able to say to all your family and friends that you did all you could....... no matter what the outcome? But its just a suggestion as another option in your kill the affair bag. I know its you that has to live this rotten situation. I pray you may find some peace in it all soon.

aussieswife,

I have to agree that the M or relationship will not survive 5 years or less. The age difference I think will hit him sooner or later.

I must leave this A run its course. If and when it ends no one really knows. I don't know if I would take her back if that should ever become an option for me. Time will tell, but I am moving forward with my life no matter how hard it gets at times.

Thanks again,
wrk

I'm sorry you have been put into this situation wrk... no one deserves it .

It also makes me realise again just how lucky and grateful I am that my DH offered me another chance to earn his trust and help him hurt less because of what I did.

Once the financials are signed sealed and done do you feel you could talk over any strategy with one of the Harley's to see if theres chance before you no longer want her back? it seems they may be your best opportunity pre D .. though I can see you don't have any great hopes anything will work.
I also think you will move on with some determination once you must.. her loss and it WILL haunt her.

prayers and hope

AW

I know I'm responding to an older post, but I thought you (and others) might be interested in a recovered M after D.
This is one of my favorite recovery stories. Probably the "deepest" hole I've seen anyone recovery from.

Can't think of a recovery involving one of the involved parties was married to someone else at any point.

Thanks again,

April 14th is when our divorce will be final. I'm figuring WW and OM will marry within a couple of weeks of that. Hard to figure this out, guess I never really will.

Take care all and thanks again,
wrk

Well tomorrow is the final on our dissolution. I need some advice though.

Since I am in plan B and will undoubtably come in contact with my WW, how should I handle it if/when she says something to me?

Thanks,
wrk

Pity her. Take the high road. Realize that, 10 years from now when she sits all alone and adds up all she has done, she will cry for what she gave up in you. And then smile at her and walk on.

wrk,

I like Cat's response. I would offer you this thought. The woman you will meet after the divorce is not the woman you married and loved. Treat her as you would any new acquiantance. Be polite and don't invest, and be the man you are.

Your children, and you need to move on. She on the other hand will come to regret what she has done and how she did it.

Best of luck tomorrow and hang in there.

God Bless,

JL