How truly sad <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I've decided 2 tell a little story here. When I was in the first grade, I had friends I used 2 play with after school. One of them lived right around the corner from the school, and I'd often call home from his house and my mom would let me play for a while before walking the rest of the way home.
Russell was his name.
I did that for a while, probably not a long while, but I was so proud that I had made a friend from school who didn't live on my street, but I could still play with after school sometimes.
One day, some other friends of his who did live on his street started walking home with us. One of them asked him "who's this kid?" (I was a smaller than average kid), and my best friend in all the world, Russell, replied "Oh, that's just 2long. I don't like him very much."
I stopped, they walked on, and I never spoke with Russell again. I think I cried all the rest of the way home.
Now, I was only, what, 6 or 7 at the time? And so it's not like it was the end of the world, ol' Russell snubbing me like that. And it wasn't exactly like I worked the MB plans of holding out the carrot and/or whacking him over the head with a stick 2 get the friendship back on line.
But you know? I still "invest" myself in2 relationships with people (men, mostly, women are scary! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />), and I'm still kind of crushed when they snub me. That thing with Russell was a sort of betrayal. Not as horrible as infidelity in my adult life, but it sure seemed that way 2 me at the time.
And on these boards, I still invest myself in my posts. I'm not perfect, though (though if you ask my friends, they'll tell you I'm always b!tchen! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />).
Yeah, I can get a little angry and thoughtless and post hurtful stuff when I feel like I'm being attacked, but I still come back and try 2 do something kind when I'm here.
I suppose I'll always be crushed when a friend I've met here gets frustrated and tells another friend I've met here 2 leave them alone. I even feel that way a bit when people I don't THINK I like snub me or even attack me (some of the "worst" offenders can STILL come 2 my threads and offer helpful, even compassionate advice, even!).
And I'll probably always keep coming back.
It's like what Riker said 2 Data in Star Trek TNG once, when Data, an emotionless android, asked him if humans are willing 2 take risks that their hearts will be broken by having new relationships, if they were broken by previous ones. Riker said "Every single time."
-ol' 2long
