so what can she do?

She can start doing the MB plan - a short Plan A.

She needs to take care of herself, stop being desperate, not begging, or checking on the affairees.

When she has contact with him, she needs to be warm and loving, with no angry outbursts.

Her hubby is already torn. The affair will end.

You don't have to do anything that you do not want to do..regardless of what your H threatens or your lawyer recommends. THIS IS YOUR LIFE. The lawyer is EMPLOYED by YOU.


Lawyers are NOT TRAINED to give psychological advice.

It is DEFINITELY NOT BETTER for you to do what you do not want to do.

If you file for divorce, you will likely end up divorced.

As others have said, this is the typical WS script. The wayward tries to get you to do it in order to not take full responsibility for the destruction of the marriage by having an affair.

What are you doing up so late tonight Miss Mimi.....

And here the stinkin thinkin in my head was starting to take hold. I'm glad you popped in lady...

Guys u r going to b disappointed, i put the first lot of papers through, well i made him post it.

Hey Brown,

How did you come to the conclusion to do it this way?

Well, he kept on saying that I had no choice n that I was in the way. She has been harrassing him that he should get the divorce. He couldn't do it and I could see him resenting me. So I thought if the negative thoughts continue he will block out anything positive i do. But i didn't want him to think that i want this, so i signed them but didn't give them to the lawyer. I first tried to just send him a copy n see how he felt, but he was cold. So I then told him that i coudln't post them which was the truth. So I asked him to hand them in. Today we went together n posted them, he cried a lot. I gave him a card first which was titled forgive me n wrote a long note that i wanted to stop the pain for him so I will continue loving him no matter what. N then a frame which had quotes from the Corinthian chapter 13 on love. He cried a lot n then handed it in. He promised to b my friend forever, n that he will spend some time with me n my family next month

I don't know what to say.

How are you?

I just didn't know what to do. I needed him to know that I loved him enough to do anything for him.

I am ok, was hoping that he would tear it but he didn't. He cried a lot, said that god lust b laughing at him, bcos he has me yet he is throwing it away. I said to him that i hvnt given up on him yet. In my note i wrote i wanted him to be happy, no matter who it is with. That i will always love him, n that is what unconditional love is about. He wanted to show the card and frame to her as well.

Brown,

I really hope a VET jumps in right now and tells me I am way off BASE.

But honey, your actions didn't say that at all. At least not to me.

I AM HOPING I AM WRONG.

Have you read up on A and all the dynamics and stuff on HERE?

Pls don't b angry with me.

At you? Oh sweetie, I am so not angry at you. I understand all too real the pain you are in. All to real. I understand the need to somehow PROVE your love to him. I would have DONE anything in those first few weeks, but I have come to understand so much more.

I want to help, but I don't know how to. I don't know what the next step for you can be and I need someone who is WAY MORE knowledgeable to help.

I think your WH should be slapped, but good and that's why I am angry. VERY ANGRY

I thought very hard but i felt i was losing him, and the more i resisted the divorce the more distant he became. The paper that i handed in is just a petition, he still has to sign when he receives a request for reply.

that's not my definition of love - but if it's your definition of love - you must be very happy today

I wish you well-

Pep

the thing is i don't even feel that angry at him, when i see him i just want to hold him n protect him. i love him so much.
i plan to implement Plan A in full swing, shower him with lots of love. It's going to b hard as i know his remorse won't last, but i hv to keep on making him feel that i am there for him no matter what.

Not happy - just making peace with myself. This morning i was given anti depressants, bcos the doc was worried that i hv been hitting rock bottom far too often. i cried thinking what hv i turned into, i hv quite a good career, i love the people i work with, i counsel them n coach them n here i was needing tablets to keep me going. I cudn't let him or myself do this to me.

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS....

THE GIVER has to be in full force to do PLAN A..

((((Browneyes))))

Sorry you are here, and for way life is for you. But if YOU are truly interested in recovering your marriage, you are in the best of hands. This place will help you grow and mature beyond your imagination. If you stick with us, you will come out of this a stronger and wiser and happier person, no matter the outcome. Listen closely to the VETS. They have walked this road long before us, and will show you the way to better yourself and your M. They DO know what they are talking about. The rest of us will be your cheerleaders. Heck, I see you've already got the biggest cheerleader of them all here...GODDESS QUEENIE..(HI Queens.. ;)).

Now, before I address anything you have written today, I need some questions answered. I have read your sitch from the beginning but forgot some points....

Have you read "Surviving an Affair"?

Have you read "Her Needs, His Needs"?

Do you have children?

How long have you been married, and is this the first for you all??

I know that this might be repeative, but I have to repeat myself ALL the time. So bear with me.

Hang in there, honey. This is not for the faint of heart. And don't worry or be embarrassed by the Meds. YOu do what you need to do to survive, so that one day you can THRIVE.


Jilly