FH,
Facing your failure is to IMPLEMENT change that moves you in a better direction, toward what you want the "new and improved you" to be.
I don't agree. That is DOING something about your failure. Facing it, to me, is simply recognizing it and not ignoring it. It is the difference between yes I did and no I did not. When youa re honest with yourself, you face something. That is my take
When you do something to change... you are doing something. All side phrases and hidden meanings aside... facing it is facing it. There it is. I did it. Doing something about it is different. That would be doing something about it.
The explanation, or defense if you see it that way, is to explain my behavior. That is how I see it. So that is how I behave. And that is why I respond the way I do. I did face it.
Doing something about it I fell short on
Being "present" is just that, being present in the marriage. It is not being vulnerable. Choosing to stay in the marriage rather than divorce is a positive step, obviously, in beginning to recover, but you can be "married roommates" for the rest of your life and "present," but it's not vulnerable and it's not, imho, a "good marriage" that results in a "one flesh" marriage.
sure.. and I don't want to be married roommates.no argument here.
Yes it's honest. So what? I'm quite certain that Froz also feels lonely and sad about the past that she cannot change either.
well around here, honesty is a pretty important thing to be getting because of the amount of dishonesty that existed. So thats what. And I bet she does feel that way.
yes.. we both have walls. thats true.
correct.. there is no trust. None from her to me. Not much from me to her either.
And this, Patriot, pretty much sums up the "problem" with the vulnerability issue you have "struggled" with.
This is perhaps a true statement if you were single. But you are NOT single, you are married. The person you "live with no matter what" is your wife, not you. Think about it.
and now the confusion is exposed. Maybe I am the dumbest man alive today, but the remark was made from the angle of the only person I can control is me the only person I have sway over is me and so on. Instead of trying to control her or step on her property, I am trying to stay on mine. But then I say something that reflects what I am trying to do and this happens. Someone calls me out on how much of a stupid error that is and no wonder I am failing. Don't you see patriot???
NO... I don't. I don't see the FINE line between the selfishness of "me, me , me" and the selflessness of "me, me ,me"
lets see if I can frame that. If I only care about me, then I am selfish. If I only focus on me, I am not? If I only worry about me, I am selfish. If I only worry for me, am I not? No... I fully do not understand the "you can only control yourself" line on one side and then the "the only thing you worry about is yourself" on the other.
I continue to get told I am controlling. From where I sit, I don't have control of jack. "That's because I took the control back from you". um.. I didn't think I had control before either, but thanks for saying that to me in such a non-polite way, dear.
You always win!
um.. I sure don't feel like it
I can't even address all the points made here with anything coherent... I don't like being hurt. I don't like putting my heart out for people to stomp on. is that the core problem? I should step in front of a train once? Maybe a lot?
I feel totally confused. Now was probably not a good time to reply.
here is what I would like to ask. Of you FH.
I made remarks about vulnerability. You said NO to each one. I did not catch where you told me vulnerability looks like this...
was it there and I missed it? I usually do, so where was it.
I am sure this all sounds defensive... but the true emotion here is frustration. Utter debilitating frustration.
No matter what I try or don't, it is always the same result.
I have a few things to read... I am in an uptight mood right now and again, now was probably not a good time to post
I will probably have to come back and edit all this crap