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Joined: Nov 2006
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I agree. I date only one at a time also. My theory is after ~ 4 dates I should see whether you have any type of potential. If not, I move on as this is best for both of us.

After 13 years of marriage, I don't need to date many to know what I want. If I don't know exactly what makes me tick now, then I never will. I have a short list of must haves which I will not compromise on.


grindnfool
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I agreed in theory wiht dating many people. However, as a home owner, divorce mother of two with a job and a dog, how in the world could I date more than one person at a time? Sometimes it was hard just to make time for that one person.


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I hear you loud and clear GG, only instead of a dog I have 3 cats and a horse! Regardless of that, I really can't imagine dating more than one person at a time under any circumstances. Even complete failures - as in one date only and it's obviously not going to work. I need to get through the date, go home and realize I'm glad I'm not in a relationship with that guy, hope he doesn't stalk me, shake it off and then move on. So I guess if you have a series of these in a row it would be like dating several people - but in my world the timeline would be very long since I'm way too busy to meet new people that quickly.

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I have also been in that boat, with my kids, work, pets, friends, family... I have limited time to date.
I generally know within a few dates if it is working for me or not. I am not wanting to waste peoples time, or mine. But, I will admit, I DID date two different men at one time, did not sleep with them, but I found it a little odd... I compared them too much. Neither was right for me, and so I moved on... But, like I said, my time is limited too, and I do not want to waste my time with someone that did not want to see where things went too.

He said, "I am not looking for a serious R". Well. I found out he was looking for a 'sex partner'. Not his words, mine. He had sent me a text that turned me off: "What are your off days next week so that we can get together and finish what we started?"

I was like "WHAT!!!" We had kissed SOME the last time we were together, and that was it. It is not like we even came CLOSE to completing the deed.

So I replied , "While I may not be looking for a serious R, I am not just looking for a sex partner either... if this is what you are looking for, then I will have to pass. I do not like to plan sex, I like it to just happen."

He replied, "I understand. I hope that I did not offend you. I am sure that we will run into each other from time to time. K.I.T."

I was like, what the heck does K.I.T. stand for? LOL... it was keep in touch. Yeah. Ok.

So that was that. It did not take long to figure out what he wanted. And so the quest continues...

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Well done. You stated your boundaries and got a surprisingly honest response.

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Yuck. That was just gross. If he's that abrupt on a text message, just imagine what foreplay would be like. Okay,maybe we shouldn't imagine that.


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No, what was gross to me was that he just ASSUMED that all I wanted was S E X..... and I felt like responding... "sure how much are you going to pay me?"

But, once I laughed, I decided that that probably was NOT the best way to answer... I SHUDDER to think what he may have said... LOL!

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What do you want?

I would never say anything like that to a woman, other than jokingly. However, I can understand the predicament us men are put into. SF drives us alot and we do ALOT of stupid things because of it (ie- porn, strip clubs, etc)

Anyhow, what did you learn from the experience and how can you better choose a man who is more in line with your desires?

Please also keep in mind that not all men are this way, it is really frustrating to see women generalize across the spectrum, the behavior of one idiot guy in their life...


grindnfool
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I meant the whole thing was gross. That he would make the assumption that you were willing to "finish what you started," that he was so crass in his approach, and that he texted it. Oh, and that he'd be willing to, too. I know men often have a strong libido, but so do I. However, after 25, the smart men I know have learned that sleeping with women on the first or second date is a very bad idea. The ones that don't expect more are risky because they are promiscuous, and the non-promiscuous ones have stalker potential since they assume they are in a very serious relationship.


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Originally Posted by Greengables
Yuck. That was just gross. If he's that abrupt on a text message, just imagine what foreplay would be like. Okay,maybe we shouldn't imagine that.

lol


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Sadmo Offline OP
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GF-
I want to have a R that would sloooowly progress... and if he were joking, my text back to him would have elicited a response of something along the lines of that he was joking!

It was kind of comically off-putting.... lol!

You know, as I have dated around, it is kind of surprising to me HOW a lot of men try to seal the deal... what happened to letting things happen? And it turns me off. I had went out with this one man about 4 times, the last time I went to his house, and he made me dinner. I was kind of on the fence with him, he seemed a little self absorbed. But not always. So after dinner we were sitting around talking, and he was talking about what he was going to do in the future (buying his parents farm, how he was going to live out his life) and I asked him if he was M'd to someone who did not want all of his goals, would he change any of them, and he looked at me and said no, these were his plans. Which is fine, but I just realized that he was not for me.

So, after chatting a bit more, I decided that I should go, I thanked him, and he proceeded to try to make-out with me. But not like any kind of gradual way...like he was trying to wow me with his passion. I told him I really had to go and got up. He then said, "do you really have to? Next time you come over, you will have to leave more time for play" I was like grossssss. I HATE when people refer to SF as play... I did not respond, just went to the door. He then said, "Don't go yet, I can be quick!"

Like a woman wants to know that! LOL! I told him that.

I just do not want to have someone just for the sake of having someone, when they are not the one for me! And I think, in retrospect, that I have done that, and I think a lot of people in general do that. I do not want to settle. Sure, SF would be nice to have on a regular basis, but, I will not die!
LOL!

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Well, I went out with a man that I met on e-harmony on Sat. And we had a really nice time. He was a true gentleman, had great conversation, and we laughed a lot.

He took me out to dinner, and then a few drinks, then we just talked for HOURS. It was nice. He is a lot like me in a lot of ways, humor wise, intelligence wise. So we will see. We are supposed to go out again. We have talked since the date, and all seems well.

What was weird is that I was actually NERVOUS to meet him, even though we had been talking and texting for a while. So it was a good sign for me... a lot of times when I have gone out, it is not that big of a deal.

So we will see. :-)

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