Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by kimberly234
I told him that I hoped the SLUT was worth it. I am pretty sure I said all kinds of things to him that I shouldn't have.

I think you are quite entitled after having been abused, raped and gaslighted for the last 3 years. The man has been mistreating you for years, Kim. Don't you DARE castigate yourself for lashing out at him. I would have pistol whipped him myself.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,200
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,200
Quote
Kim,
I've never posted to you before but I have read bits of your thread.
I found out 4 days ago my recovery was false as well.
Sux doesnt it.

Can I cry with you?

Hi Lil Doggie. It does suck. I am sorry for you. I guess I didn't want to admit that something could be wrong. But underneath everything I must have known. Otherwise I would have been a happy Recovery story who was busy with her happy life with H & DS.

Is your WS still at home then? Are you still going to try to save the M?

Helps to know I'm not in this boat alone.


D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,200
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,200
Quote
The man has been mistreating you for years, Kim. Don't you DARE castigate yourself for lashing out at him.

Truthfully, it felt kind of good to speak without caring if I was going to say something that might "push" him away. Or that might "hurt" our M.

Since I have no Plans of a Plan A, it makes no diff!!


D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by kimberly234
Truthfully, it felt kind of good to speak without caring if I was going to say something that might "push" him away. Or that might "hurt" our M.

Did it feel EUPHORIC?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,698
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,698
no.

PlanB now


Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday laugh
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,200
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,200
Quote
Did it feel EUPHORIC?


If I would have let myself, I think I would have smiled afterwards.

I also felt like I was having an out of body experience. Partly in disbelief that this was happening to me yet again.


D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
He's a sociopath Kim - your suffering means jack to him.


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by kimberly234
Quote
Did it feel EUPHORIC?


If I would have let myself, I think I would have smiled afterwards.

I was wondering if you felt your sub conscious mind go HURRAY FOR JUSTICE!! THANKS FOR STANDING UP FOR ME, KIM!!

I am so very sorry, but again, it is a GIFT FROM GOD that this finally came out, Kim. He could have dragged this on for a very long time playing cat and mouse, wearing you down more and more every day.

He could have toyed with you much longer.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,200
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,200
Should I even bother exposing? Right now, I would be doing it out of spite.


D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
please note that this time YOU STOOD UP FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR SON.

The last time we had to PUSH YOU to protect yourself. Remember? Look at how far you have come.. Do you SEE IT?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,200
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,200
Quote
He's a sociopath Kim - your suffering means jack to him.

Kahuna -- thank you for being here too. I felt your cyber hugs earlier.

He has deeper problems than I can help him with.


D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by kimberly234
Should I even bother exposing? Right now, I would be doing it out of spite.

I wouldn't hide it from anyone, such as his mother. But outside of that, I wouldn't even bother. I would definitely tell your boy. He is plenty old enough to know the truth.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,200
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,200
Melody -

I am going to struggle a little bit with my R with God in this. You know the song about unanswered prayers? I have to accept that this is what is in God's Plan for me...

And I am proud that I stood up for myself and DS. I am going to have to pull myself together for him before morning. It's almost 2 AM here...

But I don't think I can go to sleep.



D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by kimberly234
Melody -

I am going to struggle a little bit with my R with God in this. You know the song about unanswered prayers? I have to accept that this is what is in God's Plan for me...

God has sure been strugggling with you, Kim, and has had his hands full for about THREE YEARS trying to protect you. And he has done that at every turn. He brought you here 3 years ago when you were at the end of your rope and we helped get you away from the affair. You wouldn't even defend yourself in the smallest way at first. Now, you are strong enough to protect yourself when need be.

Then when you allowed him to come back for more, God made sure you found out again!

He has had your back for a LONG TIME even though you continually threw yourself in harms way. He has never failed you.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
I am praying for you Kim. For you and your son.

I'm also praying for your WH because he has lost his way with God completely.

I've been through a situation similar to yours (2x cheating H, 7 years apart). I can really relate to what you went through tonight. It was sureal for me also the second time D-day, like I was watching myself in a movie. Couldn't believe it was happening yet AGAIN.

Be strong and know people here care.

God bless,
Jo

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Yes, be very proud of yourself.

BTW, there's a song I heard today, by a female artist (can't remember who). It's country, and basically the gist of it is "you should've said no, and you might still have me. You shouldn't be begging at my feet" etc. If you've heard it...have a listen.

Might make you feel better.

I'd suggest a swift Plan B, but...I'll let the veterans handle this.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,200
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,200
Thanks ML and Jo -

Thanks for your prayers.

ML - I am just going to have to keep rereading what you posted. Right now I am just sad. Things are starting to hit me hard right now.

The anger is subsiding and reality is sinking in.

WH is not here. I have kicked him out and our M is most likely over.

He doesn't give a flip about anyone but himself. He pretends to know about love.



D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
Originally Posted by karmasrose
Yes, be very proud of yourself.

Absolutely, be very proud Kim. You stood up for yourself and your son. Enough is enough.

Jo

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1


{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{KIM}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,698
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,698
Originally Posted by kimberly234
WH is not here. I have kicked him out and our M is most likely over.

He doesn't give a flip about anyone but himself. He pretends to know about love.

I know this feeling, and understand.
[[[[hugs]]]]


Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday laugh
Page 2 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,086 guests, and 45 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5