Just out of interest, I'd like to know what meaning you would attach to the following statements, if they were spoken to you:

"It was just sex."

"Don't sell yourself cheaply."

"It was just sex."

I did it for selfish reasons and I didn't care about OP. It meant nothing to me so it shouldn't mean anything to you.


"Don't sell yourself cheaply."

I think this needs more context to really understand what is meant.

This to me indicates a lack of awareness. It minimizes the act to avoid accepting responsibility or facing a role in it. It puts it back on you. After all, YOU are being silly or ridiculous for having a hard time with it.

= dont accept crumbs.

Course, it all depends on the context, I suppose.

"It was just sex" = "I was f_cking my brains out, and I was easy."

I'm not sure, but I do know one thing.....


If someone is saying "don't sell yourself too cheaply" but had an affair and said "it was just sex".....they just sold themselves very cheaply.

Thanks for the replies so far.

It seems we have somewhat varying opinions on the meanings of those two phrases, particularly the latter one. My FWW seems to attach very different meanings to them, which ended up in a lot of confusion in our discussion last night and this morning about some A-related matters.

"it was just sex"
To me that suggests to me sex with NO EMOTIONAL INVOLVEMENT, i.e. casual sex. Apparently it suggests something entirely different to her - she said she was just talking about the physical act, that when she uses it to describe SF, it does not mean that there was no meaning or connection.


"Don't sell yourself cheaply"
When I use that term, it's basically to to let someone know to avoid getting romantically involved with some lowlife (like an engaged OM who had another OW on the side, for example). She says that she sees the OM as lowlife now, but doesn't think that she sold herself cheaply by getting involved with him. Her explanation was that even though she had her suspicions, he did deny that there was another OW, and she was hoping that his engagement would fall through.

???

3.5 years hence and I still can't relate to this "tangle"...

So she thought that there was no other woman, but he was engaged? Who was he engaged to if there was no other woman?

Here is something that needs a longer look:


Excuse me. I really don't get that statement. Or maybe I get it and see gaslighting all over it. First she 'Only' had suspicions. Yea, right. By the end of that sentence, she reveals that she KNEW he was engaged.

So she was plotting and scheming to get rid of the competition.

I can't think of anything else to say that wouldn't make you mad MiM and making you mad is not something that I want to do.

Larry

The OM was engaged AND had another OW on the side. He was basically involved with three women at one time, including my FWW.

The latest version is that she did not know that he was engaged at the time she started to get involved with him, and she only suspected that he was cheating on his fiancee (and her) with another OW.

Of course, she also told me that she knew he was engaged prior to progressing their A to a PA, so basically she decided to go ahead with him, knowing that he was involved with someone else.



I don't know about the "plotting and scheming", but she apparently was hoping that the engagement would fall through. I sent her an e-mail asking her what she was hoping to achieve, what was she expecting if that actually happened.

If she was thinking that OM was just going to move into our home and become a father to my children, well....

"it was just sex" - I'm an immature, shallow teenager and have no clue as to who I am or where I am going, not to mention how my actions affect myself or the one I am having "just sex" with. Unfortunately, I believe (wrongly) with all my heart that sex can be "just sex". Basically I am clueless, but I don't know it.

"Don't sell yourself cheaply" - Know your own worth/value.

MiM:

"It was just Sex"

There was no thought involved, it was offered, and I took it. Therefore, since I have no responsibility, since it was "just sex" I'm not to blame and I can do it again, sometime.

"It was just a liquor store"

I robbed the clerk because I needed cash. But since it wasn't a bank, it's not really important.

There is a disconnect from responsibility for your OWN actions and thoughts in both activities, even if they seem to have different contexts and actions.

Your WW would never walk in and rob a liquor store. But she was just a careless with her actions and the future reprecussions of those actions.

She is not connecting the emotional pain that she caused you, to the acts that she performed. Since it was "just sex" and didn't mean anything, than it shouldn't mean anything to you. The MORE she says this the more disconnected from her own actions that she thinks she can get. However, it never puts her in the seat of the issue.

She gave up the booty for free, without thought, and basically admits that she will again. Because it is meaningless.

Sure, SHE says SHE WON'T.

But the next person to offer just has to make sure that there are no strings and off she goes.

She could have at least asked other man for $20.

LG

So her choice to betray, was not only you but another unsuspecting soul as well. And the reward for this horrible choice was "just sex"!

If my FWW said this to me, I would hand her divorce papers and tell her, don't worry honey, "it's just a divorce, don't sell yourself short."

What does that say about the sex between you and her? Was that also "just sex?" If so, you need to dump this person ASAP.

She is nowhere close to getting it, and the pain she has casued you, in her mind is minimal, because it was "just sex."

Save yourself, MIM, and move onto plan B. Become the ONE person out of all of this who does "get it" is YOU!

All Blessings,
Jerry

Wait a minute.

Where were you all this time?

And I don’t mean physically.

There is a huge disconnect here. Do you see it?

And what is her answer? Not that you need to tell me or anyone else. But it’s a dang good question.

Well?

With prayers,

MIM

I think it is a damage control statement. WW wants to you and her to believe that it was just sex. Less than what the both of you share.

I guess your WW first rewrote the history of her marriage and is now rewritting the history of her affair. Not to lie, but to delude herself, minimilize what she did. WW feels this will help her and you heal.

She's told me previously that she didn't even consider her M to me at the time she was falling into the A. Our relationship was basically a non-entity to her at the time, it seems. And yes, there was a huge disconnect, even though I didn't sense *anything* at the time. She did a good, no, excellent, job of hiding what was really going on from me. So well in fact that while all of this was going on, and before the A progressed to a PA, we'd purchased a new wedding ring for her, to replace the previous one that had gotten lost. We had a special ceremony to bless the ring while we were at her parents only days before her A progressed to a PA. Not a sign from her that something else was going on that perhaps I should have been made aware of.



She gave me the answer this afternoon. Basically she didn't think that far in the future. She basically wanted to see how much the OM actually valued her, if he valued her enough to drop his engagement with his fiancee. Yes, there seemed to be a bit of a "competition" going on IMO. Not that it made much difference to her in the end - she got involved with him anyway.

I won't deny that - I think she's done an excellent job of forgetting certain details of the last time she cheated on me, though it was a long time ago.

However, I want to clear something up - when she used "just sex", it was her that was attaching more meaning to that phrase than I was. Hence my confusion. I couldn't believe that she would do what she did for "just sex". There was in fact quite a bit more involved, as she explained.

Getting inside Tangled's head is, uh, difficult. This is especially true if you make it complicated. I personally think the Tangled story is way more simple than complex.

Larry

Man, that's one cold female canine you have there. Her temperature has been relatively stable since you first met her, hasn't it?

The way she describes it, OM was a fine piece of meat, and she was going to be the alpha female and get firsts even if she had to rip his fiancé’s heart out through her throat. Enjoyed it she did, too.

eta: Does she actually belive in something, anything, beyond herself?