Wow M I am very very proud of you! Keep up the work. Also when you buy things for your son keep records of it all. I mean reciepts to show you are taking care of him.

So, you guys have seen worse than this recover on here?

I mean, I still have hope and love in my heart (even hard for me to believe I do right now), but things look worse than ever. LOL!!

Yes, Mo...prepared to be amazed...which is why MB is important in this world...shows that our assumptions (can't come back from this, too much water under the bridge, too much damage) really can distort reality.

Things are. Worse, better...what do those really mean in infidelity? Before you experienced, yeah, maybe you thought you could judge...logically. Actually in it? Nope.

Whole new ballgame. Faith time. God never stopped with the miracles.

LA

Well, it's been a long time since I've posted. Man, so much has happened it's not even funny.

I've seen and heard from my wife one time in the last three weeks, and that wasn't a pleasant experience as she and her Mom yelled at me over the phone about getting "their" stuff from the house and both telling me they want NOTHING that reminds them of me. And, what did I do exactly do to warrant this feeling from them? LOL!!

My W came by that afternoon to get some stuff, drove up in OM's truck. Interesting to say the least. They have back tracked me having my son on two occasions after having it agreed upon, and one of those times they didn't even have the courtesy to even pick up my calls, call or return my messages to let me know they were not bringing him to me. I get to work the next morning only to see an email from MIL telling me the new arrangement I was to have visitations from now on.

I sent a certified letter in the mail stating I found the arrangement unacceptable and would love to talk to my W privately to discuss a better situation. Still nothing from my W nor has the situation changed. She's actually cut my utilities and with held some bill from me, etc.

So anyway, things I guess couldn't be worse right now.

From the moment I got on this site, I've continued to read of the "path of destruction" waywards create for themselves and those around them. Man, I didn't really understand this until now. There I was, married to a GREAT woman, an amazing son who I loved spending time with every day, a nice house in a good neighborhood. Things seemed pretty good. Now...

1) I've lost my wife and the woman I love

2) Lost my son (I do get to see him, but 1 night a week and every other weekend almost feels like he's out of my life)

3) Lost my extended family (W's family) who I love to death

4) Lost and losing some sanity. LOL!!

5) Lost any trust in any human being outside of my family. I mean, if the woman who has loved me unconditionally to no end for 9 years can do this to me, who can I trust?

I'd say that's a path of destruction. I still can't believe she's destroyed our family, especially for my son's sake.

What the heck is he thinking through all of this? Why do I not see Daddy much anymore? Does he not love me? Why is this other guy always around me, Mommy and Grams? I mean, I have no idea what's going on in his head.

My son's aspect in all this is REALLY what breaks my heart.

MO,

Have you contacted a lawyer and filed for custody yet? Since WW isn't holding to the agreed upon terms for visitation, it's time to fight for your son, 'k?

Time to document everything, including the affair, secure your finances and do what it takes.

Stop reading all the path of destructive waywards and read about the heroic BH's who fight the fog, do stellar Plan A's and then very dark Plan B's...they don't dare dwell in loss because their hands are full of the present, the fight, changing and addressing...they make a plan, choose actions.

Choose yours. Don't get caught in the miasma of stunning pain...don't swirl...act.

Fight the destruction of your family...stand for your marriage in words and deeds, in your thoughts and beliefs. Your time to rise, 'k?

Build trust in yourself...respect in yourself...act from love for your marriage, your son and yourself...and no matter what the outcome is, you'll know you did everything within your power.

No one deserves the incredible pain from any wayward...and it's undeserved grace for the BS to stand for the marriage, loving the real W, not the WW one...make your choice to do so or not with an eye to telling your son, ten years from now, what you did and why, 'k?

LA

Hey there M

I hope you are doing well. Seems your WW has driven you crazy. RMX hasnt told me to much about whats been going on with you but odds and ends...

Have you gotten a lawyer yet? You know YOU can not use that lawyer you and her both talked too. Thats against ethics now since you did a consultation with him then he calls you and tells you oh guess what your W hired me.

PLEASE get a lawyer and get your son out of that home. I hate saying that but shes not your W you once knew. If shes driving OM truck that means the OM has been around YOUR son. And the simple request you asked for OM to not be around him has been broken. She can not be trusted with ANYTHING and you need to go ahead and move foward.

I'm sorry it's going so poorly.

I agree about the lawyer. Just like exposing can be done and you can still get your spouse back, contacting a lawyer doesn't have to spell the death of your marriage; it only saves your rights while she's acting like a dingbat. Later, if the A breaks down, she may see this as you saving the marriage and protecting your son. Right now, it's not your job to be her friend; it's your job to protect your and your son's rights.

What they're doing about the visitation is illegal. There is no formal arrangement so they have no right to keep you from seeing your son.

And she is showing poor parenting by allowing your son, who clearly won't understand the situation, to be in contact with OM. It is SHE who is hurting your son at this point, whether she thinks she is or not.

Oh,I SO HOPE she is reading this thread. Good mothers DON'T HAVE AFFAIRS! Good Mothers DON'T TRASH THE INNOCENT BETRAYED HUSBAND TO HER SON OR ANYONE ELSE! Good Mothers DON"T WALK OUT ON A MARRIAGE WITHOUT GIVING IT A TRY!
You are a good Father and were a good husband. You can't help it if she LIED when she said her vows.
Get a good lawyer and stick it to this LYING WIFE AND MOTHER. As for HER Mother? Well,how do you think your wife got to be the sorry soul she is?
She hacked into your MySpace account? Can you say IMMATURITY? She's a child acting like a mother. So,she holds down 4 jobs (Yea,right) AND is a full time Mother? Well,le-de-da,pin a rose on HER lapel. Your son didn't ASK to be born. And many people on this site KNOW what it takes to BE a Mother.....And SHE AIN'T GOT IT! Sheesh....Hacking into your account when she should have been working or with your son. She wrote the book on immaturity.
MRS. RIGHT is out there.....and it ain't HER...I'm sure there are many single women out there who would like to get to know a man who is a good father and a faithful spouse. You will know when you have found her because she won't be playing baby games like your so-called wife is.

Well, things have gotten interesting. I can't go into many details...

Haven't heard or seen my WW in weeks and then, all of a sudden, she calls me out of the blue late last week and left a message about what's going on with our son's schooling. I had been trying to contact teachers and faculty for weeks trying to find out since she wasn't communicating with me. She stopped bringing our son over herself and my MIL was doing it.

So, all of a sudden she calls me and tells me the info. Next thing I get now is daily updates from her text to my phone about his day at school.

She then calls my cell on Tues. morning while I'm at work. I missed the call so she texts me "PLEASE CALL ME BACK" within a minute or so. I go to another office to call her back and she calls again. I pick up, ask how she's doing. She starts asking me questions about a change of address I turned into the post office. A week or so prior, I went to the post office to forward just my mail to my parent's house. She was having everything forwarded to her Mom's so i wanted to be sure I get my mail. Well, I goofed and put the old address as her Mom's address and the zip for my parent's was wrong, so they got a notice in the mail about it.

But, she calls that morning seemingly in a panic to ask me about this of all things? She then asks if I'm moving and I told her I am and going to my parent's, etc. She asked how we are going to work the exchange of our son since I'll be moving a little further away. I said we can meet somewhere or I'll even drive all the way and take him to school if I have to. She didn't hesitate to say that's OK and that she'll let the teacher know what car to look out for.

She tells me that she thinks I deserve to see our son more. I asked what changed all of a sudden, I was getting no info regarding him at all, they were holding him to this "standard visitation" deal and now I get daily updates and you're telling me I should see him more. She said I deserve to know what he is doing in school and that she had another plan for visitation for me but a lawyer told her to stick to the standard procedure (every other weekend and every Thurs night.)

Now, I knew at this point she had hired a lawyer on the previous Wed. So, for all I know, all of this is just because the lawyer told her to do it. I have know idea. Just a funny coincidence that things change so drastically once she got an attorney.

So, back to the phone convo... She asked about our son for the weekend since I'm moving. I said I miss him dearly and want to spend the whole weekend with him but it's not fair to him being involved with all the moving going on (helping my brother and his W move as well).

At one point she was going on and on and at the end she said, "Hello! Are you there?" I said, "Yea, I'm just listening. It's been a long time since I've talked to you, so I'm just listening."

She responded that she was very upset I was locking her and her mom from their stuff (when I changed the locks) and that she didn't know my mindset and was worried anything she did or said was going to bite her in the ***."

I told her I've done nothing in the past or future out of anger, hate, revenge or spite. Everything is to save my family and to protect my interests and assets. She asked me, what in 9 years has she done to give me the impression she would ever try to take my money or take something that's mine. I said, "You're right, you've been a damn good woman to me all these years and nothing would give me that impression. But, you're also the last person I'd ever think that would..." Her: "OK, you don't have to say it." Me, "... betray me."

She said the fact she asked for a dime from me in two months should tell me she's not out to take my money.

She asked me if I got what I wanted out of her myspace page since I gave it back. I said yea, that I got some nice responses and some support. She argued that I didn't get but one nice response and that I'm lying my *** off to her. (I deleted some of the messages). She said either I'm lying or my memory is bad. I said that I have a lot on my mind these days and it's been a long time since I read any of it, so my memory is probably failing me.

She asked me if I couldn't afford the rent on the house and if the decision to move a quick/recent one or what not. I said I could afford living there and it was an ongoing thought about moving. I said I'm 30 yrs' old. I have a family, a son. I don't want to move into my parent's. I said that I never wanted to move from the house.

She asked then why am I moving. I said so I can get myself on my feet financially and emotionally, be more stable so that I can take care of our son the best I can in anyway he needs it. She asked, "What do you mean financially?" I just said not having to pay that big rent check and electric bill opens up me taking care of anything our son needs. I said that I do nothing in my life now without thinking of him first.

Anyway, at one point i told her I'm not trying to avoid her when she calls, that I'm at work and can't talk. I said that I miss talking to her and listening to her talk, if she wants to talk I can meet her somewhere like the park and we can talk all night if she wanted, but I just can't at work.

More in another post....

Be careful how much info you give her. She's fishing and playing nice until she has things the way SHE wants them. What a "Mother". :RollieEyes: Play your cards close to your chest.
A friend of mine went along with her H investing in a condo. He was nice as pie,saying it was an "investment" for them. Yea,an investment for HIM. That's where he went when he left her. Your wife thinks ONLY of herself no matter how much it looks like she "cares". :RollieEyes: Remember she puts HERSELF first even over your son. She's worried about finances so be careful how much info you give her. She's very sneaky.
I'd just say,"Have your lawyer talk to mine". That will throw her because she's trying to get HER ducks in a row and acting like she "cares". She hasn't been a damn good woman. She's using your wanting to communicate against you,MenOut. Never compliment her or tell her you miss her. Remember,all she is worried about is HERSELF,even over your son.
I can't get over how immature she was to hack into your MySpace page. I would post NOTHING on it. She's sneaky,like I said,and will use it against you.

So, yesterday morning I'm getting ready for work but I'm already dressed. My cell rings and it's her. She asks if a have a few minutes to talk and I said sure. She then asks if she can come in. Huh? Sure enough, there's her car in the driveway. I said why don't I meet you out there. She asked if I didn't trust her that much to come in thinking she would take something. I said no, just that the place is a wreck from the packing. She said she understands being a mess and she'll just stand inside the door.

So, I let her in. She said she wanted to talk to me face to face about that evening (me getting my son for the night and she was going to be late) and the weekend (the move). She asked a lot of small questions about the set up I and our son will have over there at my parents, etc. We agreed that I was going to take our son to school in the morning. She asked about a few items, whether I will leave them for her or are already packed. She said, if they're packed, then not to worry about them. Asked about our dogs and I told her that they've been my family for the last two months since she moved out, so they're my girls. After a while, she left and she agreed to let me have him again tonight (Fri) again. I told her she looked pretty and she gave me a funny face and said thanks. I just said it's been a long time since I've seen her and she looks nice.

Found out later in the day that she did indeed file for D. I guess I just don't understand. Our marriage wasn't that bad. We didn't hate each other, we did things together as a family, there is no drugs, alcohol or abuse. I know she wasn't the happiest because we both allowed things like debt, family issues and our son allow us to grow apart. But, was our marriage REALLY that bad to file a divorce? Does she REALLY believe living out of her Mom's house, her and her son being involved and around a serial cheater who (by her admission) has done cocaine in the past and has an ex-wife and two kids to deal with, that all of this is a better, happier life than what our marriage was before? I just don't get it.

This morning, took son to school. Met his teacher and she seemed nice. As I'm driving to work, WW called my cell. She asked if everything went OK and I said it went fine, that I met his teacher and we're good. Her: "I'm just worried about my baby."

I then asked her, when she dropped him off this evening, that I can get his SSN from her for my records. She said sure but then asked what I have scheming. I said I have nothing scheming, that my mom mentioned it and I thought it was a good idea to have it. She said it's just weird after years of not showing a lot of interest in a lot of stuff, that now I want to know everything. I said that she is right that I didn't show a lot of interest but I want to be the best father I can be.

I made another reference to missing talking to her. She responded with, "So, now you're telling me you want to be friends?" Me: "I'm not what I'm telling you other than I miss you and miss talking to you.

We then talked about how each of us is trying to break our son of always wanting to not only watch movies all the time, but also break his habit of wanting to control the remote (he ends up skipping, pausing, going to menus, etc instead of just watching it).

More on next post...

So anyway, there is some that has gone on.

Just so sad packing up my house, 9 years of collections and memories. Packing away pictures of us and us as a family, including our wedding picture. Packing away gifts and things I've given her over the years. Packing away keepsakes from our wedding. Just hard to imagine that this is happening. As the days get closer to me moving out of the house, the ghosts of our family memories in each room haunt me. It's really hell.

I don't wish harm or hurt on anyone, but I wish she could feel the hell I've been through just for one second - ONE SECOND. She would realize what her actions has done to our whole family. But, I know, many on here know what I'm talking about.

Thanks again for listening everyone and for all the kind words, support and helpful tips. All you guys are a true gift of God.

MO,

Thank you very much for the update. Sounds like you've made a lot of important choices since you've been here.

I don't see which plan you're in...and I strongly advise you to go to Plan B immediately.

She's filing for divorce because she's in a wayward mindset...if you would choose to see her as addicted to a substance, it would really help you stick to a plan.

When you said you found out she'd filed for D, did you mean you'd been served? Please contact a lawyer immediately to find out how that affects your stand with custody of your son...because in some states, filing first matters. Find out what you can do if she doesn't come through with continued visitation...now that you're moving, you have no basis for being the better parent to have physical custody (continuity for your son, his home and bed)...you're both now at your respective parents' houses and it's a mess.

Get a reliable third-part intermediary, write your Plan B letter and go dark. I'm having a memory lapse here...you were in Plan A...did you expose to everyone?

Did you get some IC counseling for yourself?

If you cannot stomach the idea of recoverying your marriage, then I do understand the choices you've made...and you have the right to divorce. If you want your marriage, then I'm perplexed about your choices.

LA

Hey Loving, sorry for the long response time.

Believe me, the last thing I wanted to do was move out of our home. The problem is that the owner of the house is a LONG time family friend of my WW and her mother. Actually, within a year or so after my FIL passed away a few years ago, her mother and the owner of the house started having their own "relationship". He's one of those guys that's never been married and has a "woman at every port." Well, MIL has become another "port". Weeks ago, they lied to him in order to let them in the house after I changed the locks. I found out about this through the grapevine and was able to be home and prevent it from happening. But, because I couldn't stop him having a key since it's his house, I couldn't trust they would try to pull something again.

Also, financially it was just too much for me to take care of. With just having my paycheck alone, I couldn't pay rent, plus utilities (including a huge electric bill) and then pay all the other bills like the big credit management bill.

She also filed for the D and I had to take care of myself financially in order to pay for legal/lawyer fees.

About the legal ramifications and my son about me moving out, three lawyers told me it's not an issue since a) she already had moved out first and b) means I have more support to take care of him there.


I have been reluctant on posting here since she has read this thread in the past but I don't give a f- anymore.

Since I moved into my parent's there hasn't been a whole lot of communication between WW and I. Talking to her just plain exhausts me mentally and I'd rather just not get into hearing her fog babble over and over and over again, time after time after time.

We talked on the phone a couple of weeks ago about her going to her sister's in Austin and taking our son with her to get away from the hurricane. I was supposed to have our son that night but I told her, as much as I miss him to death, I'd rather he be safe. Later that day she says her and her mom decided to stay and have a "block party" and stay through it. I laid into her telling her to get her butt to Austin and don't take any chances with our son, that she's lucky to have somewhere to go for safety so get there. Well, she did end up going that Fri. morning.

The whole week she was in Austin after the storm came through, she continued to to text me to see if me and my family was OK. She even called and left messages on my brother's and his wife's phones which is very strange considering my WW really dislikes both - a lot. But, it was strange she was so concerned over me and, especially, my family's well-being.

She gets back this last Fri. morning and calls me to tell me she's back in town. She then tells me there is a letter in the mail that pretty much says they want to repo the truck I'm driving (in her name, she didn't pay on it for 2 months before FINALLy giving me the bill for it). She was supposed to call and take care of stuff with it weeks ago (she said she would call ASAP) so that it wouldn't get to this point, but never did. She starts making comments about how it must be nice that I make $xxx amount of money a month. This is the 3-4 comment based around my money or her lack there of she has made in the last 2 weeks. She made a comment about how she's "under a lot of pressure". I wanted to just tell her, "Look, YOU had all access to my money and lifestyle and YOU decided to have a d** affair and move out!!!" But, I just shut my mouth. And, all that seemingly peek through the fog she had in Austin by expressing all that concern, evaporated when she then started berating me about the pants I put on our son of all things. She says every pair of pants I put on him are too small. Funny since I put him in the same pants I get from her at some point.

Anyway, I'm writing all of this from work and about to head out the door. I'll try to write some more when I'm home later tonight.

Thanks for letting us know! We were worried! Do you and your parents have power? We don't. Not til Sunday at least. *sigh*

You're right though. No time now to be nice to her at your own expense. You have to set up a safe home for your son. Best of luck.

Thanks, Cat.

Yea, we all got power last Wed. I believe. I can't believe how many still are without it and my heart goes out to y'all.


About my son, man how heartbreaking it is for me with him. I miss him SOOOO MUCH!!!!

When I get him, especially after a weekend, the first day without out him is so depressing for me. Those mornings I have him, I get up 2 hours earlier than usual so I can get ready, get him ready and drive a half hour back to where I used to live to take him to school. When he gets out of the truck and walks into the darkness where the doors are and I see him vanish, knowing I won't see him for a good week or more, it just breaks me apart. I know I sound like a complete wuss when saying this, but I literally cry all the way to work those mornings. This last Monday, the teacher gets him out of the car and he actually starts to cry, gives me a horribly sad look and then looks back to see if I'm still there couple of times as he walks away. This is the first time he did any of that. It made that morning 10x worse for me. His autism doesn't allow him to speak, but you can tell he knows now that he's not going to see me for a while when I drop him off at school. Then, of course I get home only to see his books and toys, etc laying around from the weekend and I break down again.

Of all the stuff that has happened and everything my WW has done, taking my son away from me is something I don't think I will EVER forgive. EVER! And the fact her mom seems to be in on everything, and could very well be fueling much of it, just sickens me even more.

You know, when I moved out, I left stuff at the house for my WW to come back the next day and pick up. They actually brought my son to the house with them!!!! Can you believe that?

You KNOW he walked right up to the house expecting to see everything as normal - his dogs, his room, his TV, sofas, ME!! And they brought him right into an empty house. It's like they don't give a f- about traumatizing him. Why would you bring him there under those conditions? Of course, I KNOW OM was there as well to help. I have no proof, but I'm not an idiot.

Then, of course, her Mom starts harassing me (leaving phone messages on my cell and my parent's phone, and emailing my work email) over a tricycle. A tricycle that was SO IMPORTANT that my WW left behind and never got it for over a month as it sat by our front door. A tricycle that I took him out and played on numerous of times after she moved out.

It's just sick how I've become this horrible, monster of a person in both their eyes. Like, WTF did I do to be treated like this? I know, the mind of a WS. It's just insane.

Yup

Well, I emailed WW over the weekend and asked that she join me for dinner tonight at one her favorite restaurants.

She eventually emailed back last night asking why and I said I just wanted to spend some time with someone I care about to just talk.

Well, she never gave me an answer, but she calls me this afternoon and says she can't make it. She says she has too many clients to take care of and "they come first." I told her it's too bad she can't make it and I was looking forward to it. She asked why and I said because, again, I wanted to get together, talk and catch up. She asked to talk about what? I said anything you'd like, anything and everything - just talk.

Well, she then goes on and asks if we can "go through this divorce peacefully?" Me: I wasn't aware, at least on my part, that I was doing anything not peacefully." Her: "I'm just saying that I hope we can talk like adults and negotiate all this custody stuff between us instead of going to mediation."

We have a scheduled mediation for custody on Oct. 29th. She says she doesn't have a lot of money, that she already paid her lawyer a lump sum of money and mediation would be another payment she would have to dish out. She says again how she has little money and all of it goes to our son, so she doesn't have much at all for other stuff.

I told her I would think it over and that I'd rather not to have to deal with lawyers either, but I'd think it over.

I don't know. I feel like I F'd up. I should have told her that the only way to avoid mediation is to reconcile our marriage. Though, I'm not sure how that would have went over since she seems pretty convinced there is no future for us.

Man, this sucks. She's the first and only real relationship I've ever had and I can't go or do anything without all the memories of us and us as a family rushing back at me. It's like the 9 best years of my life being flushed down the toilet.

Don't listen to her. She trying to suck you in for her own benefit. Take care of YOUR needs. She started it; let her deal with it.

How are things going?