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#2135305 10/02/08 07:17 AM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 601
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Here’s my story. The gist of it is my WW is having an affair with a 50 year old con man who has no job, no money, no car, no house, is an alcoholic, has several DUI’s , a criminal past, and is a second cousin of hers.

My WW is 34, college educated stay at home mother who is also a horse trainer. We have a daughter who is 3 and a son who will soon be 6. I am 34 with a very well paying occupation.

Around June of last year, she was training a horse that was causing her a lot of frustration. The OM offered to help her with it. Within a month or so, she had done a very nice job with the uncontrollable horse and was justifiably proud of what she had accomplished.

From Summer of 07 to Spring of 08, my WW and the OM did a lot for each other with each other’s horses. Starting around March of 08, she and the OM would stay up from 10pm-3am breeding the WW’s pony stallion. This would go on for weeks at a time through March, April, and May of this year. Since he was her cousin, and my WW comes from a family of horsemen, I knew brutal hours were part of the business and didn’t think much of it.

Also in May and June, my wife would go and help the OM with his horses – she would talk about the really neat moonlit rides she went on with him. Around the last week of June, the OM’s father successfully sues to get him kicked off his farm. So, the OM calls my WW to come to his rescue. Lo and behold, the folks that lived in our tenant house moved out in April and it’s been empty for a couple of months. In exchange for doing work around the farm, he can live in the house since he is family.

Within two days, my WW literally turns on me. Since the OM is doing the chores I usually do around the farm, I don’t have anything to do around the house and the WW is getting frustrated with me due to being egged on by the OM. When it is just me, the WW and the kids, everything is like old times. When the OM is around, the WW is brutal to me.

Throughout the month of July, I would come home from work and the WW and OM would be in MY kitchen making dinner like a young couple in love. My 3 year old daughter would see the look on my face, grab my hand, lead me to the family, room, sit me down next to her and say “My Daddy”. Every time I asked what was going on, the WW would tell me I was nuts.

On July 25th, I got a vasectomy. We had talked about this for a couple of years now. Three days later, she says she is not in love with me anymore, not sure if she ever loved me, the marriage has been a sham etc. etc etc. I suspect something is up with her and the OM but she says I’m crazy, he’s my cousin, etc, etc, etc. Throw in some deep money issues due to getting in over our heads with the horse farm and for next three weeks she just berates me in front of the kids while she and the OM kind of just smirk at each other.

On August 19th, I catch them naked in bed together. At this point, I call the OM’s father and he tells me that the OM has done this about half a dozen times in the last 10 years. He never thought he would be bold enough to do this to a family member. His MO is to make friends with the wife and husband, help the wife with her horses, make her feel good about herself while observing where the weaknesses are in the marriage.
After a few months, he’s a good friend of the family, the family needs work done around the place and he is invited to stay while he does the work. It’s at this point where he makes his big move on the wife and splits the family apart. This is exactly what he did.

The next day, he convinces my wife to file a Protection For Abuse order against me meaning I can’t talk to her, go on the farm, or see the kids for a year. Unfortunately in Delaware you don’t really need any evidence to do this. As a result, I am forced to get an apartment which exacerbates our money situation. So at this point, I am kicked out of the house, the OM is living in the house with my WW and DS and DD.

August 29th (10th anniversary) we have the hearing on the PFA. The WW pulls some shenanigans to get the hearing delayed to Sept 24. This was actually a good thing because it gave me a chance to rally her family to help bust them apart (whose mother would want their daughter to run off with her 50 year old 2nd cousin?).

In the meantime, this really gives me a chance to regroup. I bought SAA, went to counseling, on 9/22/08 I had an appointment with Jennifer. She gives me some GREAT pointers for the PFA hearing.
- first time I see her, smile and say Hi
- look GOOD – I’ve lost 30 pounds in the last two months, grew a goatee, etc She’s been bugging me for a while to lose weight.
- be emotionally strong, smile a lot, be a nice guy and someone she wants to be with.
- NO LOVE BUSTERS, DISRESPECTFUL JUDGEMENTS, ETC
- Try and angle it so she HAS to spend time with me (we haven’t seen or talked to each other than email nasty grams sent by her since 8/19)

Any ways, she wants to conference with our lawyers. For the first 30 minutes or so she is deep, deep, deep in the fog. In fact, she make zero sense when she is talking. Both her and my lawyer think she is crazy. After awhile, she breaks down crying (she has shown ZERO remorse up to this point). A few minutes later, we start talking like old times. The attorneys leave us alone. She breaks down again and she and I hug for a minute or so. (she didn’t even hug me when she said she wanted a divorce). She also said I look great. We talk for about 2.5 – 3 hours alone. In the last half hour or so, the OM comes down to the café where we were talking. Her attitude switches. She starts justifying what a great guy he is, how he is misunderstood, etc. I almost bite a hole in my lower lip but did not drop any LB’s or DJ’s. Plus we both agree to drop the PFA’s.

Any ways, we agree for no formal arrangements with the kids yet, plus with the financial situation the way it is, both of us NEED to sit down at least once a week and talk about money going out and what we will pay and what will be let go.

At this point, I am slowly building a bridge to her and she appears to at least have climbed back onto the fence.

When evaluating where I am at this point, I am in plan A which really is not working all that great - the WW still thinks there is nothing wrong with her actions and behaviors. However, since she is known in the horse world, she DOES NOT want me to contact anyone in the horse industry which shows she is ashamed with what she has done.

Jennifer has recommended I go to plan B in a week or two. At this point, I agree with her. Even though the hearing went really well, she unleashed a brutal verbal attack the other day which is leaving me questioning my wisdom of trying to salvage the marriage.


Me BH 35 WW 36
Married 1998
DS 2002
DD 2005
D Day 1 7/28/08
D Day 2 8/19/08

Divorce Final 3/19/2009
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
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Feel for you.

Time for the plan B.

Make sure you go dark, and use a trusted third party to not hanlde WW's messages but to tell you the jist of what she wants.
You do not want to even read her words.

Last edited by TheRoad; 10/02/08 12:37 PM.

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