My husband and I have been married 10 years. We have two children ages 10 and 5. We live a comfortable life, not wealthy but not hurting by any means. Before we were married my husband and I did not want any children. Fast forward a few years later and I changed my mind. He agreed. We had two children with one miscarriage in between. I KNOW that I am blessed. I KNOW how lucky I am. I get that. But there is something inside me that wants more children. And he does not.
I was pressured into having my tubes tied minutes before my c-section with my second child by two doctors and my husband. I regretted it right away. It has been an issue that has reared its ugly head because I feel that my husband was more concerned about getting me 'fixed' than the health of our second child at the time. I resent him to this day that I have been spayed so to speak and that I can not have any more children. I have begged, pleaded, cried to him to consider having another child with me, getting the tubes untied and he doesn't budge. He is just as adamant about NOT having one as I am with having one. I am trying REALLY hard to accept this, really I am. But I cry at the drop of a hat lately and just seeing someone with a baby will get the tears blinked back. My heart is truly hardening towards him. I have stopped talking to him about how aI feel about anything because I feel what is the point. It doesn't matter how I feel, nothing will change. I have prayed repeatedly for God to change one of our minds and hearts over this. For years now I have prayed about this. Nothing has changed. I feel broken, empty, sad, frustrated, angry and hurt. And I feel that he does not care. It hurts to feel alone. Thanks for listening.