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#2167037 12/02/08 11:58 AM
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My son has been asking me if his father(WH) is going to be home on christmas morning to see him open his presents. I dont know if i can handle WH here. Do I just have to suck it up for my DS. How do any BS handle this predicament???


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
stillhere8126 #2167040 12/02/08 12:00 PM
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Plan B is complete and total darkness in order to be effective.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


MelodyLane #2167043 12/02/08 12:01 PM
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What do I say to my son. DS tells me WH says "I want to come but your mother wont let me come over"


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
stillhere8126 #2167048 12/02/08 12:04 PM
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Tell him the truth. Daddy is having an adulterous affair and can come if he chooses to end his affair and be a husband and father to us. He can't come here if he is having an affair, though.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


stillhere8126 #2167049 12/02/08 12:04 PM
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I wouldn't recommend it.

The boy needs a healthy and secure mother that teaches him the valuable lesson that abusers don't have to be tolerated and respected.

Of course...this lesson is taught by your actions and not your words. WH is the boys father. But a valuable lesson about appropriate boundaries is delivered when you say "no, your father will only enter this home if and when he ends his relationship with ____, chooses to be my husband again and I'm still willing to accept his apology and restore our marriage. The ball is in his court."

Mr. Wondering


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
MelodyLane #2167053 12/02/08 12:07 PM
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thank you ML for answering so quickly. thats what I thought. Its just reassuring to here it from you. I just always feel like it would be so much better for my DS if I could just suck it up and be the bigger person and let my husband be here for special events like christmas.


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
MrWondering #2167056 12/02/08 12:10 PM
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Mr wondering when you say it like that it makes me feel more confident about my decision. Thank you.


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
stillhere8126 #2167057 12/02/08 12:10 PM
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Suggestion:

Take LOTS of pictures of son opening his presents - make copies - put photos in an envelope and have son share photos with Dad on the visit following Christmas.

voila'

Pep

Pepperband #2167061 12/02/08 12:12 PM
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PEP THAT IS AN AWSOME IDEA. that will make DS happy too.


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
stillhere8126 #2167062 12/02/08 12:15 PM
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Originally Posted by stillhere8126
that will make DS happy too.

That's why I thunk it think

You could do a video if you're able - let son work on this with you ( tell son : a Christmas gift for Dad)

stillhere8126 #2167066 12/02/08 12:20 PM
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Originally Posted by stillhere8126
Mr wondering when you say it like that it makes me feel more confident about my decision. Thank you.

Don't forget...a small part of this question has to do with the fact that YOU want him there for YOU for Christmas too.

Unfortunately...WH has taken all your choices and just about expanded all his chances with you. Plan B is necessary for your family such that IF and WHEN WH wakes up...you'll still take him.

Even considering having him over for Christmas is a love bank withdrawal you must resist thinking about. Plan B is a taste of divorce for WH. I hope and pray he doesn't like it as much as you and your son obviously don't.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - great idea Pep....but NO pictures of you and make the background as uninteresting as possible. Don't give him inside panoramic views of the house.


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
MrWondering #2167072 12/02/08 12:24 PM
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YOu made me laugh MW. I swear if it wasnt for you guys I would be lost. MY WH would be over all of the time and I would be more of a basket case than i am now with no chance of recovery.

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
stillhere8126 #2167115 12/02/08 01:01 PM
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Originally Posted by stillhere8126
YOu made me laugh MW. I swear if it wasnt for you guys I would be lost. MY WH would be over all of the time and I would be more of a basket case than i am now with no chance of recovery.

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH

Hang in there hug


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