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For the most part, she is a great woman. She's the best mother to our current children. We had our own issues at home, which were alot my fault, but none of them involved me cheating on her. So she ended up leaving and let this fast talker, which he is known for, charm her into things, and thats how all this happend. Yes, there is a possibility it could be mine, but she truthfully believes it is his. Yes, I have great resent for her in letting herselp be so selfish in the time with OM, and even during that time I busted my rear end to help her realize everything and what he would do(cheat on her), and he did end up doing that. All if this in one months time. Did I mention he has another pregnant "girlfriend" right now, I believe she is 5 months along.

I'm willing to raise this child as my own, however, I'm still stuck in a limbo with W and OM. I feel like they should end all commumication and not talk or see eachother during this pregnancy so that me and W can work on us, and prepare for this OC to be born. I believe that he will try to charm her once again, and it will end badly, but I'm not 100% sure on that.

But, yes, she is very immature for her decisions. We have stepped out on each other before, but none of them have been to this extent and out of control as this one.

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You really need to let the girlfriend know about this. Then he will most likely drop your wife hard. That would be in the best interest of your marriage.

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Originally Posted by Dagger
For the most part, she is a great woman.

Her actions CLEARLY indicate otherwise.

Put yourself in an observer's shoes - would you characterize her choices as those that a great woman would make?

In my view, though it might be hard for you to walk away now, if you don't, you're likely signing yourself up for a lifetime of misery - at least until she walks away from you again.

And the thing about our lives - there's no "back button" to regain the years, if not decades, that you chose to spend with someone who is clearly not relationship material. Once they're gone, they're gone, and you might find yourself at 40+ or 50+ just as miserable as you're feeling now, if not worse, and wishing that you could only get those years back...





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I never really thought about it that way, but yes, I think I will do that, and see where it goes, but will it cause more problems between W and myself? I have no idea on that one, but OM dropping my W would be the best thing to protect myself.

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I am by no means an expert on this situation, I'm telling you this up front. All I've got in my opinion. I've read some of the threads dealing with an OC and from what I've read, your wife doesn't have to have any contact with the OM AT ALL during her pregnancy. I would suggest you definitely seek those who have been through this, they can help you so much.

Good luck. hug


You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

The person who is always finding fault seldom finds anything else.

I pity the fool. - Mr. T
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Your wife will be furious, so just do it. Don't let her know that you are going to. It will be easier to recover from her anger than ongoing contact with the other man.

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Well yes, her actions on this have been poor, without question, but in general she has been good to this family. The first year was both of us stepping out on each other, but from there it has been great. Yes, we havnt been married long and we are both young, but we have had to grow up as adults, and I see her going backwards right now, but hopefully that can be turned back around.

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Yes, she doesnt have to be in contact with him period, but he insists on calling her and asking "hows she doing", like he cares or something, and maybe he does, but I think he should concentrate on his current family and stay out of mine.

W is saying that it wouldnt be fair to keep him out of OC life, and I told her right now during this pregnancy OM should have no contact, but I'm not real sure where she stands on that yet, but days time will tell. That is my biggest fear right now, that they will continue to talk and he will continue to "charm".

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You are in a fairly good position - your wife isn't. Her affair partner already has a longtime girlfriend, and one child, and maybe two on the way. YIKES!!!! I hope he makes good money.

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He doesn't make good money, I work with him amd I make more than he does in his field. He has one child from another marriage, raising his longtime girlfriends 2 kids, and she is pregnant with their child as we speak, and now my W child. I guess this is karma for him, but I could careless about his feelings or anything in that area.

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"W is saying that it wouldnt be fair to keep him out of OC life"

Oh, please, you're not buying that crap are you? The OM is cheating on his PG longtime girlfriend, your wife may be pregnant from him, he is threatening your family, and it wouldn't "be fair" that he is left out?

Who gives a sh*t about him?

Your wife is still in the wayward frame of mind. What about what is fair to her husband, to her children, to her family, and to the OM's girlfriend and family? Oops, I guess she forgot about everyone else.

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I absolutely love this site. My sister mentioned it to me. Yes, I never thought about it that way, and I will persue that. I learn something new by every single new post from everyone, it's just amazing.

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Originally Posted by Dagger
Well yes, her actions on this have been poor, without question, but in general she has been good to this family.

Dagger, years ago, I found myself making the same assumptions about my GF at the time that you are making about your WW now. You're thinking that they're basically a good person that made a mistake. I thought so about my GF too back then - we were what I thought was a pretty close couple, but it took only three weeks of studying overseas for her to give up her virginity to someone else (she'd told me that she didn't want to engage in SF until M'd, and I thought she was worth the wait). In fact, I actually found out recently that she had SF with OM1 on the night before returning to me (something she conveniently left out on that first DD so many years ago). She told me that it "didn't mean that she loved me any less", and I, like a fool, thought that she was still a good person, that it "just a mistake, one that she wouldn't make when we were M'd".

Yeah, right.

In truth, it was a foolish mistake on MY part to continue our relationship, and I paid for it with 20+ years of my life that I'm not going to get back, and on top of that I had to go through the agony of knowing that she was scr*wing around with another OM IN OUR HOME for over a year before disclosing same to me, only after he lost interest. With two kids, a mortgage and a long M involved, there is no option open to me that's not painful.

There's no rewind button for life "Dagger". You will NOT get back those years spent with someone that's obviously not worth it. Your WW's actions indicate a very flawed character, one that only SHE can work on. And if there's no sign of that happening, prepare for a life of misery if you choose to stick with her.




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I cant find a way to contact "pops" through personal message, but I have read his old stories about his situation, and others as well, and its helping me a great deal.

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Yes, I agree there is no rewind button. I have made my options and choices clear to her as of now, but she is currently out of town with her family, and in person is a better way to discuss this, and that has to wait until Sunday. But, yes, if she doesnt understand where I'm coming from and the sacrifices I'm making then it will for sure be over. I'm still young, and have alot of years ahead of me, but this marriage, OC, and the possibility of a divorce is too hard to deal with.

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Originally Posted by Dagger
I'm still young, and have alot of years ahead of me, but this marriage, OC, and the possibility of a divorce is too hard to deal with.

Yes, it might seem hard, but I can GUARANTEE you that it will feel much, much, MUCH worse if your WW doesn't deal with her issues and ends up straying on you again when you're much more "entangled" and you've given up years of your life to your relationship with her. In the scale of things, the sense of betrayal I felt back at DD#1 wasn't anywhere near the level I felt on DD#2.



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It is hard. I got married one month exactly after my 18th birthday, and W and our family is the only thing Ive known for. I live in the home we created together, by myself right now, as she is staying with her fathers family. I've never lived on MY OWN before, she was always there to do it with me. Just alot of variables in this situation.

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You really need to take your time and think all of this over. There are many repercussions, whatever you decide. And I would tell your parents, her parents, and the OM's girlfriend.

I guarantee he will drop your wife like a hot potato, because he can't AFFORD another child to support. He will scramble like the coward he is to fix things with his girlfriend. And he will stop calling to see how your wife is doing.

Your family needs to know so they can help you get through this. It is a HUGE strain. Her family needs to know so that they can help her get herself together.

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Her mother and father know. I actually am talking to my sister about it right now, whom has been married for 10 years and recently gone through marriage trials with her husband, but like me, this website created new hope for her, as I believe it will me from all of everyone's responses to this, i greatly appreciate it.

I am not going to tell my mother or father yet, because they are not real supportive, however, my sister is, which is why I kind of turned to her.

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I think it's very important that OM's girlfriend knows whats going on. She deserves to know the truth and she deserves to know from someone who will NOT lie to her...which is you. She needs to know what she is in for so she can decide what she wants, just as you are doing now.

I wish you luck.


You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

The person who is always finding fault seldom finds anything else.

I pity the fool. - Mr. T
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