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Originally Posted by wildhorses74
As a boy - he may feel it is necessary to stay with his mother so that he can protect HER. He may see her as weak, just as you do. Your son may see himself as his mother's protector against POSOM since she doesn't know any better.

This is the kind of thing that causes men to grow up and seek damsels in distress and develop the "White Knight Syndrome".

The associate love with being protective and then seek out women who tend to be messes. Happened to me.

Just letting you know the potential long term affects of a situation where a young boy sees himself as his mother's protector.

SHE should be protecting HIM.

Remind him that he is not his mother's protector. He's a child and should enjoy being one.

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I WISH OW would try to boss my DD14 - she'd be all up in her grill! In fact she may just rearrange OW's grill.

Poor kids! They have so much crap to deal with during all of this. It's so frustrating to watch.

Fox


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SD,

Glad to see you back. You have done a fantastic job and someday the SCQ will wonder what she did. I wonder if POSOM ever got drunk and hit his ex? Sounds like he is a disaster waiting to happen.

Good luck on the job front. Keep us updated....


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Hey there Guy,

I lurk fairly often, just checking on updates, not feeling much of a pull to comment or post anything. I'll just update here, and say that life is okay. I am still working toward getting to AZ, but I'm waiting until after the D to find a job. My final court appearance is next Monday, and that should seal the deal. No huge emotions over it. I didn't get married to get divorced; 'nuf said; I think y'all get what I'm sayin.

As for the POSOM, well, SCQ would hear from me in a heartbeat if I thought he was stepping out of line. She'd know in no uncertain terms that he'd be toast if he laid one mangy mitt on my kid.

I'm from a step-family, and as difficult as it was, my step dad made it easy by staying out of the way in terms of discipline. There were RULES in the house (his and my mom's), but that was as far as it went, enforcement was left mostly up to my mom. We have a great relationship now, born out of respect.

Now, I think my mother could have been more stern and involved, but that's a whole other thread... smirk

Love y'all bunches. I think of you all often. hug


Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Thanks Silent. You have worded things in a way that is a bit less......abrasive than me. smile

My mom married another man and I have given him many kudos over knowing when to step away and when it's all cool for him to throw his two cents in the picture.

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Glad to see you, SD!


It sounds like things are going pretty well for you. I don't think posom deserves the opportunity to yell at your children. Nope! Nada! None! I think I'd be ratting on him to the counselors so they will have a head's up.

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Thanks, everyone.

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There's NOTHING that gives him that right. Not one dam**n thing. He's not his father.
Believe me, I was every bit as angry, but reacting from anger hasn't really gotten me anywhere. I do better when I think through the situation and react logically rather than emotionally. Plus I need an opportunity to talk about it with DD5 before doing anything.

I'm going to bring it up with the school counselor (to whom I have explained the whole situation) as well as the ILs when they are here to pick up the kids on Sunday. And I talked with DS9 about it as much as he could stand--he knows I will protect him if POSOM so much as touches him. He knows he can tell me anything ("You already TOLD me that, Dad.").

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Why not go for a 50/50 arrangement? Is that what you have right now?
50:50 is what I have now, and things have been calm lately. The SCQ has been very accomodating. She agreed to suspend child support payments until I have found a new position without asking any details of my severance. Obviously, keeping things calm doesn't outweigh the safety of the kids, but I don't actually think they're in danger.

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I still whole-heartedly believe this. It's only a matter of time......
I didn't say anything about her coming home. Or imply it. Just implying that the current situation isn't one he's likely to have to deal with forever.

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Sorry for my rant. I have kids of my own in a situation where I'm truly grateful that the boyfriend knows his place and stays out when he should.
No worries, Red. POSOM is running the show over there. The SCQ is just a follower. I have had all sorts of thoughts about how to mess with him, but he can hurt me way more than I can hurt him. But don't worry--I'm not going to ignore the situation. The info from DS9 is fresh, so I'm still processing it.

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I wonder if POSOM ever got drunk and hit his ex?
She said no, although she described a situation where she could have filed sexual assault charges but didn't. It frustrated me how much she let him manipulate her without taking any significant actions, but I gather this is typical for spouses of alcoholics.

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Love y'all bunches. I think of you all often.
Back at you.

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Originally Posted by sdguy038
She said no, although she described a situation where she could have filed sexual assault charges but didn't. It frustrated me how much she let him manipulate her without taking any significant actions, but I gather this is typical for spouses of alcoholics.

Well, that's pretty scary to hear. It's just a matter of time until he starts treating the SCQ the same way. Especially if she is the "follower" of the duo.

I think you are handling it the right way. Sometimes kids embellish a little, and DS may be doing that to some extent. Good that you are checking out the story totally before you react. If it warrants a reaction, then do it right.



BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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HI Sd, just dropping in to say Hi! i'm still having trouble logging in from home and work!

I know that you ahve the sitch under control and am wishing you the best with the job hunt.

Still supporting you!
Rin


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
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Thanks for helping me out on my thread. Nice to know that people care. Just sucks that we're here in the first place.

And I'm thankful that my kids are teenagers with teen attitudes. I shouldn't have to worry about them spending any time living with WH, OW and her 3 kids.

But I really feel for you and the others with younger kids. That breaks my heart.


M 25 yrs, 3 teens
Dday 12/07
5ish False Recoveries (all in 2008)
12/08 WH moves in w/OW, her kids
Plan B/D/FU -- depending on the day
He files 1/09; D final 12/2012
"I'm moving on"
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Hey SD. We haven't heard from you in a few weeks. How is the job search, single life, and all things in general?


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Gee SD, you promised an update. Let us know how life is after the big D.


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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He's probably so busy with his entourage - the Red Rubies - that he doesn't care about us any more!

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I will be very surprised if he hasn't met a honey. That is very common with our wonderful MB men. If he hasn't, I'll eat my hat.

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A little birdie told me he is doing some traveling with his kiddos.

laugh

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WOW, I thought SD had resurfaced! I got excited for a second! Thanks for the update Fox. I'm sure that he is completely enjoying himself.


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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whistleSD!??

Are you out there?

PS to S4B and others: Seeing it's only little old me blush, sorry if you all thought SD had resurfaced!

Last edited by lunamare; 11/12/09 03:25 PM.

XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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Thanks for asking, Luna. I'm doing well and will post an update when I think of what to say.

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Hello! Glad to know you are ok.

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Originally Posted by sdguy038
Thanks for asking, Luna. I'm doing well and will post an update when I think of what to say.

OK, if it's that hard, how about we give you a form to fill out? (answers in red please).

Looks like you are doing well, so how are the kiddies?
Did you find a job yet?
Have you had any hot dates lately?
Have you seen the SCQ?
Is she still with POSOM?
Have you had any body piercings lately? (Queenie started a fad)

OK, it's late and I can't think of anything else to ask. Maybe others can add to it.


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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